“I should go face the music.” He sat up to my disappointment and ran his fingers through his disheveled dark hair. “I’m sorry for being a weak alpha. You deserve better.”
I put my hands on my hips, vaguely aware of how I must have looked doing it naked. “Avery Payne, you knock that bullshit off right now. I want to scratch that wench’s eyes out for making any of you think you aren’t good alphas. You have been nothing but kind and respectful to me. But not just to me, to my sister too.”
His face went from being scrunched in tension to relaxed. I’d tell him how amazing he was every day for the rest of our lives if I needed to.
There was a knock at the door before it opened, Alvaro peeking in. He opened the door fully and his eyes heated as he took me in. “The bus is taking off. Get settled so you don’t fall.”
He left the door open and walked out of sight. I swallowed a whimper because I had the ridiculous thought that they didn’t want me here. They hadn’t stayed when they first got on the bus, and even though I could only have one knot in me at a time, they could have stayed and helped me in other ways.
“Hey, come here.” Avery grabbed two pillows from the pile next to the couch and put them against the wall.
I grabbed another towel for him to clean himself up before lowering next to him, just as Alvaro, Cal, and Tate came into the room and shut the door.
The tension was thick, and I curled into Avery’s side, grabbing a blanket and pulling it over my exposed body.
My makeshift nest was putting me slightly on edge, and now that the bus was moving, it made the feelings of unease grow. I had barely been able to lift my arms, let alone get my nest ready. I’d had such grand ideas for my first heat with my pack, and this wasn’t it.
Fuck.
The tears came on fast, and I couldn’t stop them. I put the blanket over my head and wrapped my arms around Avery, trying to stop the flood of feelings overtaking my brain.
Their scents wrapped around me before their touches did. Someone had moved to my other side, their hand rubbing my back, another was somehow stroking my head, and someone grabbed my ankle.
My body tingled all over, and I sighed contentedly into Avery’s skin. This was what I needed; them working together as a pack.
Someone pulled the blanket down just enough for my head to be free. Alvaro and Tate were on my other side in rather uncomfortable-looking positions, and Cal was at my feet.
I drew my legs up to my chest and he crawled in closer, setting his cheek on my knee. His blond hair was a mess, and his hazel eyes were tired. They were all tired.
“Hi.” He was just close enough that he could brush his lips across my temple. “What do you need?”
I shut my eyes as they all continued to brush gentle touches over me. I wanted to rip the blanket off and have them touch my naked body, but we needed to talk before this went further.
“I need for you to be a pack.” I lifted my head from where it was resting against Avery’s shoulder. “And I need you to be honest if this is what you want. I don’t think things are going to be easy for us, but this is what I want.”
Cal looked at Avery with a sneer. “Being a pack isn’t running off to risk everything because you can’t control your dick.”
Avery tensed, and I squeezed his thigh. “And what would you have done, Callum?”
He frowned at me. “I would have gotten the head of our pack.”
“You were in a room full of people. By the time I realized what I was doing, it was too late to go back.” Avery ran a hand down his face. “I know what I did wasn’t what packs normally do, but I... I don’t regret it. I can’t regret it. Kara doesn’t deserve to have an alpha feel regret over easing her pain.”
“You were damn near feral a few months ago. It was poor judgment. You could have hurt her. You could have attracted unwanted attention.” Alvaro hadn’t stopped smoothing his hand down my braids since someone had moved the blanket off my head. It was comforting but was also making my skin prickle with awareness.
“And all four of us running for the bus wouldn’t have?” Avery was starting to tense again.
Tate had been quiet, a thoughtful expression on his face. He was the calm in the middle of the storm. “You rubbed it in our faces. For three years, you locked us out.”
The conversation was so uncomfortable for everyone that I could sense it, despite not having a bond connection with them. It was hard not to whimper in distress.
“That wasn’t my intention when I did it. I wanted you to know how happy I was... even if it only lasted a few minutes.” Avery moved like he was going to get up, and I grabbed his arm. “I need some space.”
“It’s always ‘I need space’ or ‘let me suffer in silence.’ What about us, Avery? Did you forget that we were hurting just as much as you?” Cal jumped to his feet, his nostrils flaring as he breathed hard. “We needed you and you locked us out!”
Avery pulled his arm free and got to his feet, causing Alvaro to also stand. I wrapped my arms around my legs and tried not to freak out. My body was already starting to tremble, and if this argument got any worse, I was going to go full-out weepy omega.
It sucked having no control over my emotions sometimes.