Page 74 of The P Arrangement

At first, I thought I was okay, but when I went to the bathroom, there was a little bit of blood. I decided to leave work early, and I called Preston to meet me at the hospital.

When I got up to labor and delivery, I stood to get out of the wheelchair to move to the bed, and I felt a gush. I thought my water broke, but I realized something wasn’t right when the nurses helped me take my black pants off. That was when I saw the blood. I wasn’t too scared because they’d hooked me up to a monitor, and I could hear Paxton’s heart beating nice and strong. I was only two centimeters dilated, so they told me it would be a while, but that everything was okay at the moment. They gave me some medicine for the pain, and I fell asleep.

The next thing I remembered was waking up in recovery after having a C-section. I was told that the bleeding I’d had earlier got worse and was caused by a placental abruption. They had ended up taking me to surgery and delivering Paxton before things became critical.

“Yes. But I mostly know what happened based on what I was told. I don’t remember going to surgery or anything. I just know that everything turned out okay.”

“Barely, Delaney. Itbarelyturned out okay.”

“What do you mean?”

“I know you think you fell asleep, but you passed out. I thought maybe the medication had made you sleepy, but when I tried to wake you, you barely woke up, and nothing you said made sense. I got worried, so I pulled the covers off you in hopes the cool air would get you to respond.”

He let go of my face and turned away.

“There was blood everywhere, Delaney. And not just blood, but huge clots. You were covered in blood. Of course, I knew it wasn’t good, but when the nurse came in and immediately yelled for the doctor, I knew it was serious. They did a sternal rub on you, and you wouldn’t wake up. All the while, more blood kept coming and coming. I was yelling at them to do something, but it wasn’t until Paxton’s heart rate started to decline that they took you to surgery.” He looked over at me. “Did you know they had to give you a blood transfusion?”

“Yes, but I thought that was because of the surgery.”

“No. It was because you’d almost died. I thought I’d lost you…and it fucked me up for a long time.” Slowly, he pivoted toward me again. “I know you think I stopped loving you, but nothing could be further from the truth. I was just so scared to touch you again. For a while, every time I did, I pictured you on that hospital bed, where everything that was supposed to be white was red. And forget about having sex with you. The thought of you getting pregnant scared the fucking shit out of me. I couldn’t do that to you again.”

Covering my mouth with my hands, I fell back against my car. So many things made sense now. Especially the other night.

I’d kept wondering what he had been talking about.“I can’t do it again. I can’t go through that again.”

He hadn’t been talking about having another baby. He had meant me almost dying.

“But you didn’t stop me from leaving. You didn’t come after me. You lost me anyway, Preston.”

“I know. Because I thought even if I couldn’t have you, at least you would bealive. I wouldn’t get you pregnant again and kill you.”

I closed my eyes. It was such a morbid way to think, but it was at that moment when I realized Preston had gone through something incredibly traumatic. Maybe even more than I had. I didn’t have any horrible memories of Paxton’s birth.

Throwing my arms around him, I hugged him close. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

Setting his hands on my hips, he drew away, a frown on his face. “Me? You’re the one who almost didn’t make it.”

I rubbed the spot over his heart. “Pres, that doesn’t make your trauma any less real or important.”

Gradually, he nodded in understanding. “I guess.”

“Is that why you didn’t fight me on anything with the divorce?”

“At that point, I was almost numb, and I figured you’d been through enough. I just wanted you to be happy.”

I clutched his shirt. “You big dolt.Youare what makes me happy.”

A small smile tugged on the corner of his mouth.

I bit my lip, almost afraid to ask my next question. “So, if we excluded me giving birth, do you still hate the fact that we’re having another baby? Did you get a vasectomy because you didn’t want more children? Or because you were worried about me?”

He chuckled nervously. “So, Iconsideredgetting a vasectomy because I was worried about you. I made a consultation appointment to discuss my options, but I never went through with that first appointment, much less had the procedure. And I would have told you before I went through with it. I wasn’t sure about anything, so I didn’t bring it up to you.”

My jaw dropped. “So, we’ve been having nothing but unprotected sex for weeks?” That explained a lot. “No wonder I’m pregnant.”

“That’s what your sister said,” he said dryly.

“If I had known, I wouldn’t have drunk so much.”

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