Page 57 of All It Takes

“I know,” I said quickly. Until this very moment, I’d thought that was a good thing. It would give me some space where I didn’t have to worry about running into him in town and be so concerned about constantly wanting to call and text him because I wouldn’t be able to. But now, I felt a sense of panic. I needed to reach out and grab him to make sure everything was okay. I beat back that feeling. “Ross is coming over tomorrow. He’ll be with me while Wes is gone. That’s why this whole shared guardianship has to work out. We have to put Ross first.”

Alice gave me a quizzical look. “Okay, sure, but…” She pressed her lips together, narrowing her eyes as she studied me. “I think Wes means more to you than you’re willing to admit. I wouldn’t be your friend if I didn’t point out that you’re breaking your own heart, along with his.”

I looked toward Farrah as if she would dispute Alice’s point. She shrugged, her lips twisting to the side. “She has a point.”

ChapterThirty-Eight

TIFFANY

Wes had been gone for a full week. I missed him every single day and night. It wasn’t as if we’d been spending every night together before I put a pause on things, but we had been texting and communicating regularly. The simple fact that I couldn’t do that left a hollow ache inside my chest.

Ross and I settled into a routine. The more time I spent with him, the more my heart felt split open. I missed Sarah. Maybe it had been a few years since we’d been in the same place and getting together for coffee or dinner, but the permanence of her absence felt huge. When we were college roommates, our lives had been twined together. I missed being able to text her quick jokes and observations about my day.

I was still shocked at her death and felt like the universe had been brutally unfair. Ross had spoken of his parents a few more times and even cried one night when a show his mom had liked came on. When I said I didn’t have to watch it, he asked me to do it anyway because it made him think of her. He said it made him feel safe.

One evening, I came home from work feeling ragged along the edges. Alice had to send someone’s dog over the rainbow bridge. Even though there was still snow on the ground, we’d done it outside because the family said he’d loved the snow.

The dog hadn’t eaten for a full week. He was weak and tired and suffering from kidney and liver failure. He was also fifteen years old, a long life for any dog. Watching the love this family had for their dog and their choice to put him out of his discomfort was a gift, I thought. It was also heartbreaking.

I picked up Ross and Nilla from my dad’s, where they’d spent the afternoon. Nilla had spent the day with my dad, and Ross took the bus there after school.

Ross had glanced over in the car, studying me for a moment before he asked, “Are you crying about missing Wes?”

The wisdom of children. I glanced at him before another tear slid down my cheek as I tried to shake my head.

Ross cocked his head to the side, looking quizzical. “You miss him. I do too. I can’t even play my game with him and Chase at night right now. It’s weird because my dad’s username is still in there, and I miss him too.”

I swallowed a sob and blinked quickly, my hands tightening on the steering wheel as I looked ahead. “I do miss Wes. I’m so sorry about your mom and dad. I’m sure you miss them a lot.”

I glanced sideways, wondering if I should pull over. Ross was looking out the window. We happened to be driving by a field where several moose were gathered off to the side.

“You don’t have to say you’re sorry. It’s not your fault,” Ross said quietly without looking my way.

I looked back at the road, replying, “I’m sorry that it happened, sorry that life is unfair like that.”

“It is,” he said simply. “How come you made Wes sad?”

I whipped my head to the side to find Ross looking back at me again. I blinked again, bringing my attention to the road. There was a viewing area on the road ahead. I pulled off and parked. A guardrail was situated above a rocky ledge that looked out into a valley with a glacier in the distance and the mountains rising high around it.

I angled in my seat to face Ross. “Why do you think I made Wes sad?” I asked as my heart pounded rapidly in my chest.

“I haven’t heard him cry like you did the other night,” he began.

Ihadcried the other night in my bedroom, missing Wes and missing Sarah.

“But you haven’t kissed him again, and he looks sad when you call.”

I was determined not to cry and took a deep breath, steadying myself as I scrambled to try to think of how to reply to this.

“I think you like him a lot,” Ross added.

I scrunched my nose and then let out a soft sigh. “I do like Wes. A lot.”

“You’re worried something might mess things up, and you want to make sure I’m okay. I’m okay.” He reached over and patted my hand where it rested on the console.

Staring at this little boy, I wondered how he could have so much wisdom and be so young. “I know you’re okay. I promise Wes and I will figure things out, but we’re here for you. You’re our priority.”

“I know,” he said simply.

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