Page 6 of Written in the Charts

“You’re not fine, Evan. Listen, I know we call you the hammer, but try not to hammer my barn walls.” Derek chuckled. “I take it that was an ex-girlfriend?” He leaned against the stall door and waited for me to answer. I avoided eye contact, furious at myself now for not having controlled my temper.

“Yeah. It ended badly, if you couldn’t tell that.”

He gestured to the bale of straw behind me—the one my anger hadn’t destroyed. I sat while he headed for the cooler and snagged two bottles of water. When he returned, he handed me one, and I downed the entire thing, hoping it would wash away my rage. It didn’t.

“Tell me about it.” He sat next to me and sipped his water while I crushed my empty bottle and tossed it into the wheelbarrow.

“Nothing to tell. It’s over.”

“Don’t be like that. It’s obvious you need a friend. You were there for me when I was going through shit with Maggie. Now, tell me about it.”

I sighed. If I let that beast out, there was no telling what I’d be capable of. I’d already put a man in the hospital and nearly lost my entire career. Some things were better left in the past. I didn’t want to talk, but when I looked up at his face, I realized he wasn’t letting me get off easily.

“Fine... so I was stationed overseas. You know I broke my femur in high school, right?” Derek nodded, so I continued. “Well, after that I had pain. So I was stationed in Afghanistan, and following some jump exercises—”

“Like helicopter stuff?” He interrupted, leaning in with intrigue.

“Yeah, like parachutes and shit. Anyway, the knee flared up. It was bad. I had to take a few weeks off work, and they told me I may go to a desk job if it didn’t get better. They gave me a short medical leave after the treatment. I was so excited because it was Christmas. Misty was pregnant. She told me via email. So I never told her I had leave.

“I went straight home to see her. Only, when I walked into the house, some other bastard was eating at my dining room table. Misty was slinking around in a nightgown and slippers, and she was huge pregnant—like no way it was mine. I found out she had been cheating on me for months and was pregnant the entire time I was home last. She just never told me. And when I shipped out, she acted like she had just gotten pregnant.

“Derek, I was never so hurt.” I felt tears sting my eyes, so I blinked them back and squared my shoulders. “I wanted a family. I had my heart set on it. So I snapped. I was on that man in like two seconds, pounding his face into the carpet. By the time Misty got me off him, he was unconscious and bleeding. I got court martialed, and then I got a reassignment.”

“And that’s when you came back home?” He sipped his water again, compassion in his eyes now. At least it wasn’t pity.

“Yeah, the first few months when I was out here working nonstop is when the investigation went on. Then I got stationed at Yellow Springs, and now I’m here.” I suddenly felt thirsty and wished I hadn’t chugged my water. I hated having to talk about this, but it did feel good to get it off my chest.

“Well, that is a totally shitty thing to happen to anybody, and I’m sorry it happened to you.” He twisted the cap on his water and set it to the side before standing up. “Maybe you just need to block her number. If you broke it off and you owe her nothing, then moving on is the best thing.”

Derek headed back to his pitchfork, and I remained seated and sulking. Maybe I should have blocked her a long time ago, but part of me hadn’t let go. I was still angry, so was that my cue that I needed to move on? Or was it a hint that I still had feelings and we could work it out?

My mind wandered to Gypsy, though. Having run into her again was a positive thing, I thought. But seeing how bad my temper got made me feel hesitant to get into a relationship with her. She didn’t deserve this broken version of me, despite the fact that I still had feelings for her and really wanted to see if we could make something work.

“Get your fork. Plod ahead. The more you stew on it, the worse you’ll feel. Just get your mind on work and it will help you calm down. Just try not to break my fork or my barn.” Derek didn’t laugh this time, but I knew it was a joke.

I rose and collected my tool. I carried guilt about Gypsy too, the way I’d left her, the way she had to have felt when I didn’t come home or call. Rather than focusing on how angry I was, I focused on how I could make up for lost time. And thirty minutes later, when the stall was cleaned and fresh straw laid, I felt a lot better. Maybe Gypsy was my good luck charm.

CHAPTERFOUR

Gypsy

Maggie wiped Jenson’s face for the third time. Feeding her infant was quite the chore. I loved having lunches like this with her and the twins. It reminded me of the simple things in life that were far more important than money and bills. And Maggie was such a great mother, despite not having a mother in her life to rely on. Both Derek and Maggie’s mothers had died tragically, which made their bond even deeper but their parenting harder.

“He really hates it when you do that.” I snickered as Jenson pushed Maggie’s hand away. The wet wipe had barely touched the mess of baby food on his face.

She looked up at me, exasperated. “I know. He is the worst about this. Isla, on the other hand, enjoys being clean. I think she will be a germaphobe when she grows up.” Maggie chuckled and pinned Jenson’s hand to his side with one hand while she wiped him clean with the other.

I glanced over at Isla, soundly asleep in the stroller. It was a beautiful day for a visit to the park, and I should have been lighthearted—what with my dinner with Evan coming up. But I was full of nerves. I hadn’t even touched the burger and fries we’d picked up at the fast-food restaurant before coming out here. I was too locked inside my own mind to be good company.

I stared out over the park, watching children play on the playground and thinking of how my daughter would be seven this fall if she hadn’t died. What would life be like with a seven-year-old? Would I have been as good of a mother to her as Maggie was to her twins? The thought made tears burn in my eyes, and I tried to blink them away before Maggie noticed. Unfortunately, Maggie was a mother now and nothing escaped her.

“What’s wrong?” She tossed the soiled wipe onto the table and repositioned Jenson on her lap, bouncing him on a knee. He had been fussy and refusing to eat, so I took this as her sign that she’d given up trying to feed him.

“Nothing.” The French fries in front of me were cold now, soggy too. They didn’t appeal to me at all, so I had nothing with which to distract myself.

“I know you better than that. Spill...” Maggie’s prying stare was so intense I buckled.

“So you know how I told you that I kissed that guy at your wedding? Evan?”

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