Page 43 of Written in the Charts

So I sat listening to a lecture from my professor. The end of February was mid-quarter. The test I was taking today would set the course for the last eight weeks of my college career. If I couldn’t pass this test with at least a B, my average would be too low to pass the entire sixteen-week course. I’d failed too many assignments and tests prior to this.

I tried not to cry, but pregnancy hormones had taken hold of me and I had no ability to control them. I didn’t want to fail. I had studied twice a week with Cameron in the office and every night by myself. I’d just found it difficult to concentrate on anything except my thoughts of Evan and my fear of losing the baby. As the twenty-week mark approached, my nerves got worse.

“Are you listening?” the professor asked, and I sniffled, not even hiding the fact that I was crying.

“Yes, sir. I’m sorry. I promise I’m going to do better.”

“I’m not scolding you, Gypsy. I’m just saying maybe your life is just a bit too hectic with the pregnancy. Maybe you need to drop the class and take it over starting in the fall after the baby is born.” His kindness made me cry harder. Why did everyone want to baby me? I was capable. I was just struggling.

“Yes, sir. I’m sorry I’ve been struggling. I am going to pass this test and get my grades up. Okay?” I wasn’t backing out and putting my future on hold over this. I was stronger than that.

“Alright. Well, if you need any help, let me know.”

We hung up after our goodbyes, but I was not okay. Though my appointments for the day were over, I lingered in my office, hiding from reality. When I went home, it was nothing but sour memories of the night Evan left. I had even been sleeping on the couch because being in bed had too many reminders of him. Even the sight of my growing stomach made me sad, knowing this baby might grow up not knowing his or her father.

By now, Evan would have gotten his imaging results and known about the promotion, whether he’d be deployed. I had no way of even knowing whether he had already been deployed. Certainly, he’d have told me if he was really leaving. Wouldn’t he? Or at least Derek would have said something.

The thought of Evan leaving like that made me cry harder. I was so sick of crying. Life wasn’t supposed to be like this. He wasn’t supposed to leave me again. I was so lost in my own self-pity that I never saw Cameron appear in the doorway until he cleared his throat. I didn’t know how long he’d been standing there.

“Oh, sorry.” I wiped my eyes, reaching for a tissue. “Emotional day.”

“You’re done today. Why don’t you go home?” He leaned on the doorjamb, clutching a patient’s chart to his chest.

“Just heading out. I had a call I had to make just a minute ago.” I smiled, beginning to collect my things so it looked like I was headed out. I stacked my files up and placed them in my top drawer, making sure it was locked before grabbing my purse out of the closet behind me.

“Anything I can help with?” He stood there watching me as I put my coat on and slung my purse over my shoulder. I pocketed my cell and grabbed another tissue to blow my nose.

“Honestly, that was my professor. He told me my grades have been slipping. I knew that. I just didn’t realize that I’d gotten such poor marks that if I fail this test, I fail the class. There will be no way to redeem my grade in the next eight weeks.” I tossed the used tissues in the bin next to my desk and pushed my chair in.

“Well, then we study more. We can start tomorrow. Every day after work, our Saturday times, and if you need more, I’ll even squeeze time out on Sunday.” He smiled and backed up as I approached the doorway. “How does that sound?”

I felt overwhelmed by so many things it was hard to respond with more than a smile. “Thank you. I have no idea why you’d take that much time for me. It’s really so kind of you.” We stood in the hallway only a few feet apart. I could smell his cologne, and it reminded me of Evan’s, which only made my heart ache more.

“No problem. I’m not letting you fail. Got that?” He ran a hand through his salt-and-pepper hair. Almost old enough to be my father, Cameron was a source of strength I hadn’t expected. Maggie was there to listen to me break down and cry about Evan, and now I had Dr. Marshal to be my rock when it came to school.

The thought occurred to me that maybe I could do this on my own if Evan left and I had no other choice. If these people in my life were there for me, supporting me and helping me along the way with work and school, certainly, I could muster enough strength and courage to keep fighting. If only I wasn’t so afraid of losing the baby.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then?” His eyes sparkled as I passed him.

“Tomorrow.” I nodded, not able to fully return his happy expression but at least able to breathe a sigh of relief.

I headed to my car, still feeling weighed down. The one positive thing about this breakup had been that the emotional pain of losing Evan had distracted me from the emotional pain of fearing for my baby’s life. If I just stayed focused on how much it hurt that Evan would just leave me like this, maybe I’d make it through the end of the pregnancy and everything would be fine.

But when I sank into my driver’s seat and started my car, the sadness of going home to the empty house where Evan and I had made love so many times hit me. I dialed Maggie’s number. I couldn’t go home. Not until I got some sort of encouragement.

“Hello?” Maggie was cheery as always. “Gypsy?”

“Yeah, it’s me. I’m not having such a good day. Are you free? Can I come over?” I bit my lip, hoping she wasn’t too busy.

“I’m never too busy for you as long as you don’t mind helping give the twins their baths.” I heard laughter in the background. The kids were getting older, almost one year old now. I imagine that was a handful at bath time. Lord knows, I needed the practice.

“I don’t mind. I just need a friend.”

“See you soon, then.” Maggie hung up and the second load of bricks came off my back. She’d know exactly what to say to help me feel better, and if she didn’t she’d at least hold my hand while I cried.

CHAPTERTHIRTY-ONE

Evan

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