Page 11 of Beautifully Damaged

“I thought I’d won the lottery with that first kiss,” Ben said, taking the topic back to something lighter. A smile exploded across Ben’s face. “Then you pulled me behind those bushes.” He motioned toward the spot where Joey had fallen to his knees and blown Ben in broad daylight. His smile slipped as he stared at the shrubs. “I worshipped you.”

“I bet I can rekindle that,” Joey said, closing the distance between them.

Before Ben could question him, Joey dragged him behind the same bushes and dropped to his knees. As Ben watched Joey sliding down his zipper, Ben fully accepted the truth. He had never stopped worshipping Joey. Ben would love him until his dying breath. He was oddly okay with that fate, because in his heart he knew the truth. Joey loved him too.

ChapterSix

Coming home was so much harderthan Ben expected. He told himself at least he had closure. Maybe he wouldn’t spend the next fifty years bitter. Every time he glanced Joey’s way, his heart ached. They dragged their bags into Ben’s apartment in silence. Joey had already arranged for someone to pick up the trailer and a car would take Joey to the airport in two hours. Once again, their time had ended. This time, it was forever. Ben felt that in his gut. Being in love with someone like Joey was weird as hell. It was almost like nothing was real. Tomorrow, no one would believe they had been together. That truth suffocated Ben.

“Now that we’re here, it feels like time is rushing away from me.” Joey’s words matched Ben’s thoughts.

Ben nodded. “I know you have to go, though. You’re Joey Kickstart. You don’t belong to me.” Ben tried for a smile as he made the claim. It kept slipping away.

Joey closed the distance between them. “That’s not true.” He kissed Ben’s collarbone. “That’s not true at all.”

Despite the pains in his chest, Ben’s arms automatically locked around Joey. He rocked from side to side, trying to soothe his soul. Ben pressed his lips to Joey’s forehead. “I’ll miss you.”

“You sound like you’ll never see me again.”

Ben didn’t bother responding. They both knew he wouldn’t. Joey would go back to living under Gordon’s watchful eye and Ben would start his new job. The fall would come, and Ben would go back to school. Joey would eventually go back on tour. They would try not to think about each other. Eventually, they wouldn’t. Ben felt them slipping away already. The past two weeks had only been a slice out of reality. There was no going back.

“Do something for me.”

At Joey’s demand, Ben didn’t hesitate. “Anything.”

“Take me to bed. I want to hold you until the clock runs out.”

Without a word, Ben swept Joey from his feet and headed for the bedroom. At the edge of the bed, he set Joey on his feet and peeled away their clothes. Once they were nude, they climbed into bed together. Joey draped himself across Ben’s body. Their lips barely parted. While the minutes ticked by, they kissed and touched. Joey rocked against Ben, making love to Ben with no penetration. The tension built. Even though Ben came so hard, he shook from the power of his orgasm, the encounter had nothing to do with sex. They were savoring their final memory. They were stealing a hint of happiness from the universe. Ben felt the cracks slowly reopening in his heart as each second passed. Soon Ben’s heart would be completely shattered again. There was no stopping the oncoming pain. For now, only one truth mattered.

“I love you.”

A stuttered breath caressed Ben’s ear at his confession. “I love you too.”

Ben’s eyes fell closed as Joey returned his words. They would never be together, but they had existed. Ben wouldn’t forget.

It was fuckinghot in L.A. and crowded. Even though he wasn’t driving, Joey still growled several times as they stopped a million times for stalled traffic. If not for the need to have his stitches removed, Joey wouldn’t have returned to L.A. today. God knew he wanted to stay with Ben. Ben didn’t deserve that. He deserved a man who openly claimed him. Ben needed someone who didn’t hurt him the way Joey did. Joey couldn’t undo the past. Everything that happened between them was still hovering over them. It was too much to expect of anyone to stay with him.

Like most celebrities, Joey saw Dr. Seth Black, the doctor to the stars. He mostly made house calls. Occasionally, he took some appointments out of his house, especially for minor things—like getting stitches removed. Today, Joey saw Seth’s physician assistant, Kye. It was a quick visit with minimal chitchat. Some spots weren’t healing as well as they should, forcing Kye to apply a few butterfly stitches, but Joey was in and out pretty quickly.

Unfortunately, on his way out, Kirsten Whitehead was on her way inside. She ran an online rag magazine that was mostly garbage, but she had a nose for a story. Her eyes flashed with malice as she caught sight of Joey. Joey swallowed a groan.

“Joey Kickstart.”

Joey dipped his chin and tried to keep moving.

Kirsten was having none of it. She stepped into his path. “My people have been trying to reach you about the incident at The Garden. We’re running an article at the end of the week. Would you like to add a comment before it releases?”

He was so tired. Fucking exhausted, really. “I’m in a hurry today. Have your people call me closer to the end of the week. I’ll answer what I can.” It was total bullshit, of course. He would shuffle the responsibility to Gordon. Gordon was better at lying than him.

“I can do that.”

He flashed her a smile and kept moving. His mood was complete shit. He just wanted to go home. That wasn’t entirely true. Joey wanted to go back to Ben. He kept picturing the way he had left Ben behind. Ben had promised to call. Joey had too. They both knew it wasn’t true. Sometimes love wasn’t enough. His gaze slid back Kirsten’s way as his driver pulled away from the curb. What if he told the truth? All he had to do was let that first rumor slip. Once it was out there and the initial shock died down, no one would be surprised when Joey showed up in public with Ben at his side. Joey had already made more money than he could spend. At this point, he could keep making music just for him and no amount of damage to sales would hurt him. In fact, he could retire. He could slip from the limelight and spend the rest of his life in bed with Ben. The more he thought about it, the better the idea sounded. He had told Ben he needed to physically move from the issues suffocating him. No amount of therapy would help until he did. So maybe he would literally just move. He could leave L.A. and buy a ranch in the desert. Ben and he could travel or do nothing at all. Joey had a lot of making up to do. It should be Ben’s turn to be first in Joey’s life.

After running into Kirsten, Joey half expected his driver would have to fight his way through reporters to get through the front gate of Joey’s West Hollywood estate. Instead, his driver had to fight to find a place to park. Joey seethed as Gordon opened the car door for him with a drink in hand and flanked by two bikini-clad women.

“Joey,” Gordon boomed, sounding every bit as drunk as he obviously was. “See, girls. I told you Joey would be home today.” Gordon swayed his way, attempting to whisper and failing miserably. “I ran into these ladies at a hotel pool earlier. They’re very excited to meet you.”

The women forced their way into Joey’s bubble and started snapping selfies with him. One introduced herself as Candace. Joey barely paid attention. He was too focused on the raging party happening in his fucking house without his permission.

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