Page 8 of Beautifully Damaged

It occurred to Joey it was still dark outside, but he felt completely rested. “How long have I been sleeping?”

Ben moved his arm to check his watch before immediately diving back beneath Joey’s hoodie. “It’s five a.m.”

That fucked with Joey a little. “Damn. I feel pretty good for only an hour of sleep.”

Ben chuckled against Joey’s ear, making Joey’s eyes fall closed with desire. “Try twenty-five hours of sleep.”

Joey’s eyes flew open. “No way. I missed a whole day with you.” Defeat washed over him. “Damn. I’m the worst.”

Ben nipped his ear.

Joey jumped. “Ow. Goddamn.”

“That’s enough talking down on yourself,” Ben said, admonishing him. “Your body needed the rest.”

His body needed time with Ben. Joey didn’t think Ben wanted to hear it, though. He really wished Ben hadn’t seen his arms. If he hadn’t been at his lowest at the time, he wouldn’t have been honest with Ben about what happened. Ben was free to live his truth. There was no way he could understand how this life of silence and secrecy was killing Joey. He had to think about something else.

“What did you do while I was out?”

Ben let him change the subject. “I unhooked the truck and went into town. We didn’t have any towels. That’s what I came into the bathroom to tell you the other night. I had to dry off with one of my clean t-shirts. There were a few more things we hadn’t thought about, so I grabbed all that and picked up some takeout. Since you slept through everything, I put your food in the fridge.”

The thought of eating made his stomach churn. “Thank you.” As much as he hated to move, he had to pee. “Sorry to invade your space, but nature calls.” Joey had to crawl over Ben to get to the bathroom. He wanted to enjoy the process, but he hurt too much. His arms were killing him. The stitches pulled and burned. Joey winced his way through the process until Ben finally snagged his waist and set him on his feet. “Thanks.” The word came out in a hiss as Joey made his way to the bathroom in pain.

Ben followed on his heels. “Did they give you any pain meds?”

Joey shook his head. He left the door open so Ben could watch over him, since Ben seemed determined. Joey had lost any and all modesty years ago. His entire life was under a microscope. Plus, Ben had seen his dick many times.

He spoke over his shoulder as he moved from the toilet to the sink. “A lot has changed since you last saw me. I can’t take pain meds anymore.”

Ben didn’t ask questions. Joey was more thankful for that than he could vocalize. It was bad enough Ben knew about the suicide attempt. Joey didn’t want Ben to know about rehab, therapy, and every other way Joey tried to survive without him. After brushing his teeth, Joey unzipped his hoodie. Ben rushed to help him peel the material away. His arms had bled and dried in some places, gluing the material to his stitches. Without Ben’s help, he might have ripped out a few stitches.

Joey winced and hissed the whole time, but he didn’t complain. With the jacket gone, Joey moved to start the shower.

“Are you allowed to get those stitches wet?”

Joey shrugged at Ben’s question. “I have to get clean, and I need my arms for that. Since I didn’t die, I guess I gotta keep showering.” He flashed Ben a tight smile to let Ben know he was trying to make light of a heavy situation. Ben didn’t look amused.

“Get in and hold your arms up. I’m helping.”

Joey snorted before he could stop it. “It’s fine. I’d rather be thoroughly clean than safe.”

Ben didn’t bat an eyelash. “You’ll get clean everywhere.”

Joey’s heart sped. The room suddenly seemed smaller. While holding Ben’s stare, Joey peeled off his shorts and walked backward into the shower.

Ben followed. “Arms up.”

He put his arms up. Joey barely noticed the water temperature. Nothing existed but Ben’s stare and the inches between them. Joey was hard as steel, and there was no hiding it. Ben turned Joey and Joey set his hands on the wall, hoping he didn’t faint from what little blood he had left leaving his brain. Without hesitation, Ben used body wash and a washcloth to thoroughly clean every inch of Joey. Then the space between them disappeared. The tiny shower became even smaller as a still half-dressed Ben pressed against Joey’s back. He kissed Joey’s neck as he reached around and palmed Joey’s cock. Joey’s knees weakened. His forehead hit the shower wall. He couldn’t look away from Ben’s fingers wrapped around his dick. There was no missing Ben’s hard-on against his ass, even with Ben’s thin workout shorts between them. Ben’s free hand found Joey’s jaw. He forced Joey’s head back and claimed Joey’s mouth. Their tongues stroked while Joey rode Ben’s palm. Joey’s heart was a mess. His body knew it was Ben touching him. There was no fighting the building pressure. Joey moaned around Ben’s tongue as he strained against Ben’s steady strokes. He had never expected Ben to touch him again. Joey had accepted he would die without another kiss. His eyes burned as the dam burst and an orgasm nearly took out his knees. Joey cried out as cum coated the shower wall. Ben massaged out every drop. Then he turned Joey in his arms and went back to washing him as if nothing happened. He scrubbed every inch of Joey’s skin before cleaning the wall. His gaze stayed locked on his task. Joey’s eyes stung as he fought to meet Ben’s stare. He needed to know why Ben had done that. Joey needed to know if there was any hope left for them.

Then Ben’s gaze met Joey’s. His eyes burned with something unnamed that took Joey’s breath. “If you ever try harming yourself again, I’ll kill you myself.” Ben walked away, leaving Joey panting.

Ben was furious.After several hours of sleep, he should have been calmer. He wasn’t. His mind had churned and churned since his conversation with Gordon. Three years. That was how much time he had lost because of Gordon’s meddling and Joey’s silence. At any time, Joey could have talked to him about his fears and about Gordon keeping those fears stirred twenty-four-seven. They could have figured out something together. Ben ripped off his wet shorts and found some clean clothes. At least they would have been together. Goddamn. Losing Joey had been the worst thing that ever happened to him. Ben hadn’t gotten over loving Joey in the slightest. Now he knew he had been cheated out of three fucking years and the rage was real.

Ben pulled on clean shorts and froze. Joey could have really died. Like, dead, dead. For real. Forever. No coming back. Ben fought the urge to bend at the waist and suck air. He felt like someone punched him in the chest. Ben didn’t know where to go with his anger and hurt.

Joey appeared around the corner, dragging a towel along the floor with his foot to mop up the water Ben had tracked through the room. Despite everything, Ben smiled. His body still burned in frustration from their one-sided encounter. That discomfort had nothing on the pressure in his chest. Joey was the love of Ben’s life. Ben had to find a way to fix them.

“I was thinking,” Joey said without looking up. “Since you said this isn’t your favorite place any longer, and I can’t swim or hike or anything right now, maybe we should push on to Vegas. It’s only like six more hours away.”

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