Page 7 of Beautifully Damaged

That was fair. No one was more surprised than Joey that they had made it without him passing out. Still, Joey didn’t know if he could come clean. “It’s nothing.”

Ben didn’t explode. Joey had known he wouldn’t. Ben had always been still waters. He never gave Joey the ass-chewing he deserved. “Why don’t you start with the hotel room? What set you off?”

With Ben so close and caring for him, Joey was weak. He couldn’t lie. “I didn’t destroy it. Gordon did.”

A deep line appeared between Ben’s eyebrows. “Why would your agent destroy a hotel room, and why did you take the blame?”

Joey held Ben’s stare, mesmerized by his beauty. The confession fell from his lips before he could stop it. “To cover up that I had done this.” He nodded toward his arms. “Better I should do the metal thing and get hurt destroying a hotel room than land on the news for a suicide attempt.”

Ben’s chest expanded as he took a deep breath. He let it out slowly. It sounded loud as hell in the otherwise silent bathroom. He finished removing Joey’s makeup without saying a word. Then he walked away. Joey didn’t blame Ben. He was a mess. Joey wanted to walk away from himself too. If Ben could escape him, he should. Joey deserved to be alone.

Ben seethed.Everything inside him boiled with rage. With his phone in a tight enough grip to smash it, he jammed his feet into his shoes and headed outside. He had the phone pressed to his ear the moment his feet hit the ground outside the trailer. It was four a.m., and Ben gave no fucks. Gordon would talk. Ben moved away from the truck as Gordon answered the phone.

“Hello?”

Ben didn’t bother returning the greeting. “Spill.”

“Hey, Ben. How’s the trip going?”

Fury had Ben squeezing the phone tighter. “Skip the bullshit and tell me what the fuck is going on with Joey.”

A loud sigh brushed the phone. “Where would you like me to start?”

Ben’s voice came out in a growl as he answered. “At the beginning.”

“All right,” Gordon said, sounding resigned. “It started with you.” Ben’s eyes fell closed. Gordon kept talking, as if Ben could still breathe. “When you were on the road with Joey, no one thought anything about the time you two spent together. It was in between the tours, when you were living with Joey, that started raising eyebrows and questions. I gently suggested that Joey keep some girls around to keep up appearances. Metal isn’t like pop. It’s an image, Ben. You know this. No one wants to wear the merch of a gay man. Joey’s image is everything. Then you found out about the women I’d been paying to guard his reputation and left.”

“Wait.” Ben pinched the spot between his eyes. “What do you mean the women you’d been paying?”

Gordon scoffed. “You know, I just sent girls his way and told them Joey was a voyeur to excuse the reason he wouldn’t touch them. I paid them to stay quiet about the voyeurism thing so they wouldn’t suspect he’s gay. Being someone who likes to watch is much better kink than being into dudes.”

“Being gay isn’t a kink,” Ben said absently, while his mind reeled from an overload of information.

“Yeah. All right. Still, Joey has an appearance to think about. Once you left, things kind of went to shit. Joey started using and missing interviews. We had to cancel some shows. I got him into rehab, and I thought he was doing okay. Hell, he’s been in therapy for months. But then A.J. found him with his wrists cut. I got in touch with Charlie and set it up for him to spend some time with you. You’re the only one who’s ever gotten through to him.”

For a moment, Ben stared at the night sky with no words. His chest hurt. He hadn’t felt this heavy in years. Ben was furious and hurt. His heart ached for what Joey had been silently enduring. He was equally enraged at Joey for not telling him about Gordon’s bullshit. Then again, he recognized he might have left sooner to save Joey’s reputation. Joey was the face of Cosmic Nightmare. It was his dream. He lived a life most people never achieved. Joey was music. Ben thought Joey might die without it. He didn’t know what to do.

“Are you still there?”

Ben cleared his throat. “Yeah. I’ve got him. He’ll be okay.” No thanks to Gordon. Ben didn’t bother adding that since he imagined it was understood.

“Thanks, man. And listen, I’m real sorry—”

Ben hung up without letting Gordon finish. He didn’t want to hear a word Gordon said. Gordon had ruined his life. He had obviously destroyed Joey. As far as Ben was concerned, Gordon could go fuck himself. Right now, Ben had to focus on helping Joey. Nothing mattered more.

Ben headed back to the RV, unsure of what he would find or what he would say. His mind was such a mess, he didn’t think it was a good idea for him to talk at all. As he came through the door, he found Joey upright in an uncomfortable-looking position, wearing a fresh hoodie and workout shorts, passed out. The dark circles under his eyes looked harsh as hell now that Ben knew they were there. Goosebumps covered his skin, and he shivered in his sleep. Ben didn’t doubt for a second that Joey was freezing and exhausted from the blood loss. He still couldn’t believe how much Joey had done in the last twenty-four hours, while likely running on nothing but pure adrenaline.

Ben gently lifted Joey from his seat. Joey startled awake, then settled back down when he realized Ben had him. Ben’s heart thawed a bit as Joey snuggled closer to his chest. There were a million thoughts and emotions tripping over each other in Ben’s head. He didn’t know where to start with picking his feelings apart. For now, he needed to focus on Joey’s health.

He set Joey in the middle of the bed and quickly grabbed the blankets the girl from the dealership had bought for them. They would have to live without a sheet on the mattress for tonight. All Ben cared about was keeping Joey warm. After tossing the blankets over Joey, Ben climbed in beside him and towed Joey into his arm. Joey cuddled closer and sighed. His relief sounded palpable. Ben kissed Joey’s temple without thinking. His heart skipped a beat when he realized what he had done. Tomorrow, when he calmed down and Joey had some sleep, he would deal with the ramifications of his call to Gordon. Right now, they both needed sleep.

ChapterFour

A weight shiftedat Joey’s back. His eyes shot open. Joey’s muscles relaxed as he recognized the warmth and scent surrounding him. Only one person felt like Ben. Joey’s throat tightened. The ghost of Ben had been slowly killing Joey for the past three years. Now he was real and temporary. Joey didn’t know which was worse, missing Ben or knowing he would be gone again in less than two weeks. Joey had always been good at creating his own hell.

Ben snuggled even closer, as if trying to cuddle a pillow in his sleep. Joey closed his eyes and soaked up the faux affection. It didn’t matter to his heart if Ben meant it. Then Ben’s lips brushed the shell of his ear, and Joey realized Ben was awake. Joey held his breath. Ben’s hand slid beneath Joey’s hoodie and caressed his stomach. Joey’s heart tried for a somersault.

“Are you feeling any better?”

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