Page 12 of Beautifully Damaged

“What are all these people doing here, Gordon?”

“It’s your welcome home party, of course. Come on. Everyone is out by the pool.”

Joey dragged his feet. It was his house. He couldn’t leave, but he wanted to. Joey wanted to jump back in the car, head back to Colorado, and climb back into Ben’s bed. Gordon had all these crazy expectations of Joey. He wanted Joey to be the star twenty-four-seven. Joey just wanted to be with Ben. That was it. His heart wasn’t here. As if to prove his point, no one even noticed he was there. He strolled into his own goddamn backyard, into what Gordon claimed was his welcome home party, and no one looked his way. Gordon immediately disappeared with the women he brought. Joey stood there feeling awkward and out of place at his fucking house.

His gaze scanned the hundred people in and around his pool. A guy dressed head to toe in black, lounging on one of Joey’s chaises, caught Joey’s eye. The guy’s huge bodyguard loomed over him, turning away anyone who got too close. A smile tugged at the corners of Joey’s mouth. Jessie Thunder was a legend. A rock god. He was the drummer for one of the most famous bands in history. Joey liked him a lot, even though Jessie was also an unabashed addict. He had zero shame about staying as high as possible at all times. Despite that flaw, he was a good person. Joey moved to claim the lounge chair next to him.

Jessie swung his legs over the edge of the chair and sat up as Joey sat down beside him. “Why are you here?” Jessie asked as he dug a bag of pills from his pocket. “I thought Gordon said you were spending two weeks with your man in Colorado or some shit.” He opened the bag and picked through the pills as if he had said nothing that immediately took Joey’s breath. Jessie held the bag out to him. “Do you want some of these?”

Joey shook his head. He couldn’t believe Jessie knew about Ben. The shock was real. “Why are you here if you thought I wouldn’t be?”

With a shrug, Jessie downed a handful of pills and stuffed the bag back in his pocket. “Someone said the word ‘party’ and I came along for the ride.”

A thought hit Joey. Jessie was a metal legend and openly gay. No one cared. Not the way Gordon claimed they would if Joey came out. He was exactly who Joey needed to talk to. “How do you get away with being so free? I mean, no one seems to give a damn who you date.”

Jessie snorted and kicked back in the lounge chair like he wore swim trucks rather than all leather. “No one gives a fuck, period. There’s nothing more metal than flying in the face of public opinion. You destroyed a goddamn hotel room. Why in the fuck would you care what the world thinks about your sexuality?”

Joey shrugged. “I don’t. But Gordon says—”

A bark of laughter burst from Jessie. “Gordon will say whatever it takes to keep all the free pussy coming his way. Look at this party. All for Gordon. He doesn’t give a fuck about you or your happiness. It’s L.A., babe. Nobody gives a damn about anyone else. In this business, you either look out for number one or get used until there’s nothing left. You never answered me, by the way. Where’s your man?”

“Can we sit with you, Joey?” The two women from earlier appeared, plopping down at the foot of his lounge chair without waiting for permission.

“Used up until there’s nothing left,” Jessie repeated, lowering his lounge chair and jamming some sunglasses on his face.

“Damn. I really can’t let you out of my sight for half a goddamn second, can I?”

Joey’s heart stopped at the sound of Ben’s voice. When he turned his head, he saw his worst fears come to life. Ben was standing there, staring at Joey like Joey was the biggest of bastards. Once again, Joey was with two women. He would never stop being the bad guy.

The rage was real.Ben had made it two hours after Joey left before he booked a flight. Then he had come all this way to chase after Joey and here he was, partying—like Ben meant nothing. Two women were all over Joey. One immediately took the hint and slunk away. The other looked clueless.

“This is Mandy,” Joey said, nodding the girl’s way. “She’s a friend of Gordon’s.”

The blonde curled her nose. “Um. It’s Candace. Not Mandy.”

Joey shrugged, like it wasn’t important. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

Ben fought a sneer. He didn’t know if he was angrier with Gordon or Joey. While Ben didn’t doubt for a second this party was Gordon’s doing, Joey kept letting things like this happen. Ben wasn’t feeling up to hiding any longer. It was time for Joey to either be with him or let him go.

“Well, I really thought after the way we made love this morning that you might want me here. Once again, I guess I was pretty fucking dumb.”

He had Candace’s full attention now. “Wait. You two had sex?” She looked at Joey with all the contempt a socialite could muster. “You should’ve told me you’re gay and have a boyfriend before I posted our pic online.”

Ben’s gaze never wavered from Joey, even as he spoke to Candace. He was too angry to care about Joey’s reputation any longer. “Don’t worry. Joey’s not really gay. He just has daddy issues. After we fucked, he cried for forty-five minutes because he called me Dad when he came.”

A loud laugh barked from the fully dressed guy baking in the sun on the other side of Joey.

A slight smile touched Joey’s lips. Ben saw a fire light inside Joey that had been missing since his suicide attempt. Ben relished it. He knew Joey’s retort would be good.

“I told you, I only called you Dad because your tiny dick reminded me so much of his. God rest his soul.”

“Oh. Is this a thing you two do? I get it. Men and their shit-talking.”

No one paid attention to Candace.

A slow smile stretched Ben’s lips. His entire focus was locked on Joey. “My dick wasn’t the issue. The problem is I was your asshole’s one millionth customer. That ride had been worn out long before I got there. I never got my prize for that, by the way.”

Joey shrugged. “You were too short to ride me. That disqualifies you from any prizes. Cheaters never win.”

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