Anyway, Harrison has always had this thing. This fantasy. He wants a girlfriend for all of us. Like all three of us. He wants us to have one woman servicing everything we can dish out.
“Dude, let’s just go one step at a time…”
“No deal!” he reminds me. “This is what we said! This is what we are doing.”
I stare at him, noting how excited he looks. I guess he really has been waiting. For a while, he tried to get Amber on board. I really thought she was gonna go for it too. And she is hot as fuck. And great with the kids. Kind of a dream come true.
But hey, that would really be too much to ask. Amber closed down the entire process, told us we were all crazy, suggested it was kind of gross, and that was it.
Harrison wanted to try again with Jolene. We’ve gone round and round about this. And round.And round.
But ultimately, one of us is always the voice of reason. We will get weak for a few moments, and then somebody will remind us that we promised not to fuck Jolene.
Then somebody else will remind us that there was always the possibility we could go to Ireland and do this experiment. Bring a girl with us. Who would know?
People in Chattanooga would definitely not be open to the idea. They talk. We can’t risk our business like that.
But in a foreign country? Why not? Give it a shot.
“Boone… We’re going to Ireland!” Harrison repeats, incredulous and delighted.
“Yeah, that’s pretty amazing!” I have to admit.
“So we have to find a girl… fast!” he adds.
I grind my steel-toed boot in the gravel of the unfinished driveway. Out here in what used to be farm country, it’s all crickets, gravel, and mosquitoes. I wonder briefly if they had mosquitoes in Ireland.
“You got anyone in mind? How are we gonna do that?” I ask dubiously.
“Already posted the ad!” he crows.
“What? Are you kidding me?”
“Fuck yeah I did! We have to leave next week!”
My mind reels. This is all happening so fast now. I feel like my whole life has been sort of on pause in a way. Anastasia pretty much kicked me in the nuts. That stopped my life in its tracks. Cole has been doing his thing and growing up. The Ireland deals seemed way far off in the distance. And I’ve been actively resisting checking out Jolene.
I’m like one of those balls, rolling down a wire track, going in tighter and tighter circles before I finally drop down the drain I guess.
“All right. Well, I’m done here. Do you want to go talk to Ambrose?”
Harrison scowls. “What, so he can critique my Tinder ad? He will be such a jerk about it. I wrote it fine. It’s very specific...”
“Hold on, you put something on Tinder?”
“Yeah, seemed like the best way to find someone who was, you know, looking for some action.”
“But Tinder is…”
“I know!” he interrupts. “It’s perfect.”
“Ambrose is going to freak.”
“Right,” Harrison nods. “So why tell him? So he can freak better?”
“No, jackass, so we can figure out how we’re gonna get all this shit done in a week,” I answer.
“Oh. Okay. Yeah, you’re right,” Harrison answers seriously. “Plus we have to start interviewing girlfriends.”