Page 1 of Dirty Little Secret

1

Holly

“Holly!” I blink as my friend, Sara, snaps her fingers in front of my face. “Quit pining over your dickhead ex-boyfriend and take your damn turn.” She pushes a glass into my grasp then she pours herself another shot. The clear liquid sloshes over her fingers because she’s too drunk to hold either the glass or the bottle straight.

“I was with Nick for three years,” I grumble. “I was just thinking—”

“Well, stop thinking and start drinking.” Eli rolls her eyes as she tosses me a bottle of vodka.

It’s Saturday night and we’re sitting on the floor of Sara’s bedroom, drinking, and playing truth or dare. I feel like I’m sixteen again. The only thing that’s missing is Sara’s creepy younger brother spying on us from outside.

“So?” Sara prompts, giving me a sly smile.

“Truth,” I finally say, taking a swig from the bottle.

“Oh, I’ve got a good one.” Eli leans forward on her elbows and fixes me with the heavy look only the really drunk can muster. “What's your deepest, darkest, sexual fantasy?” she asks. “You know what they say, it’s the quiet ones who are into the really kinky shit.”

I cringe and avoid eye contact. It’s the worst thing she could have asked. I have so many twisted fantasies locked up in my mind that sometimes it even scares me. I haven’t even told Sara about any of them, and she’s supposed to be my best friend. For a moment, I consider making something up, but I’m such a shit liar that I know my friends will sense I’m holding back.

“Fine,” I relent. Sara squeals and claps her hands together like an excited seal. “But I swear if any of you repeat this to anyone…”

I pause, biting down hard on my lip as I try to gather my composure, but it’s no use. My heart is racing, and my palms are clammy because even thinking about saying this fantasy out loud has me a hot and steamy mess.

“I have this fantasy where a stranger breaks into my apartment, sneaks into my room, ties me up and… you know, does things to me.”

“Like… he forces you?” Eli whispers, eyes wide as she tilts her head to one side.

“Well, I mean, obviously it would be consensual, but we would pretend it wasn’t. So, yeah, I guess he does ‘force’ me.”

“You dirty bitch.” Sara nudges me, a look of dismay etched on her face. “That’s even more messed up than I was expecting.”

I blush harder, a thrill rising inside me as I reposition myself on the floor.

It's always the same fantasy. I’m woken in the middle of the night by strong, forceful hands roaming over my body. The feel of his touch against my naked skin makes me shiver. He ties rope so firmly around my wrists and ankles that it burns when I struggle, trying desperately to break free. My legs are spread wide open while my attacker, who is only a silhouette, a voice, a touch… does things to me that I’m too ashamed to even think about.

I've never shared my fantasy with anyone. Not even Nick. I was so scared he would judge me for having a rape fantasy. There's such a thin line between pretending and taking things too far. And it’s not like I’d ever act on the fantasy. It’s a lot of trust to put in someone else, especially someone I don’t know. But still, just thinking about it, imagining it’s happening for real gets me worked up every time.

God, sometimes it’s the only way I can let myself release.

“My turn,” Eli announces, taking the focus off me.

We go around the circle, apparently all deciding to play safe in the truth category. I learn that the weirdest place Lucy has had sex has been the bathroom of a cruise ship, and that Eli cheated on her final math exam in high school.

“I'm a dance major,” she says, rolling her eyes. “I don't need to be good at math.”

When it comes around to me again, I square my shoulders, feeling brave.

“Dare,” I declare, looking around the group.

Eli slowly grins and looks at Sara, who’s eyes gleam with anticipation.

“I dare you to send that sex fantasy to Nick,” she says, giggling. “Make him realize what he's missing.”

My eyes widen as my heart beats wildly in my chest.

Send that fantasy to Nick?

No fucking way.

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