Page 19 of A Tortured Temptress
"We were seeing each other," that's the easy way to say it. The hard way is to say I loved him. That I was going to marry him. I remember him proposing now. I remember him finding out my secrets and proposing. But I can't seem to remember anything else after his proposal. I remember us sitting in his car when he proposed. That's the last thing I remember.
"You were," I can hear the question. "I'm going to kick that stubborn arsehole’s arse," she says but not to me. I can tell her voice is projected across the room to someone else.
"Me first," a woman's voice says.
"Who are? Who all is here?"
"Sorry darling. Like I said I'm Eliza or Lizzy. My husband is Dr. Larson. Our granddaughter Gabrielle is here too. She's friends with Shane. She is the reason you're here."
"Why?" I close my sightless eyes and lean back into the pillows overwhelmed with everything and hurting.
"Let me give you some pain meds-" Dr. Larson offers.
"No." I raise up and stop him.
"Shane told us you had some addiction issues. We'll only give you a small amount to take the edge off and monitor you carefully. You need it. Let me tell you what your injuries are." He pauses and I feel the coolness of the medication hit my vein. The fog starting again. Weighing down on me like a heavy blanket. The warmth of indifference. "Giselle, you have a couple broken ribs. A fractured hip and jaw. Like I said before your right arm was broken. You have several knife wounds. Some stabs, some slices. A plastic surgeon has been called in to help with the ones along your face." I don't care anymore, Shane sent me away. That's got to be why. The new scars must freak him out.
"I'm ugly now. I don't care."
"Stop that," Eliza says from next to me. "Scars make each of us special and different. Your scars will heal just like the ones on your chest. You lived. He didn't."
"He didn't?" I don't remember any of the attack they are talking about.
"Shane assured me he was dead," she says again. "Now it will take some time, but you will heal. You are still beautiful." I feel her hand rest on mine again and I turn my head away from her and close my eyes. "I'll be here when you wake up."
"Can I die now? When will the pain finally kill me?" The words come out on a sob. Shane sent me away.
Chapter Eight
GISELLE
A month I've been here in Canberra. I was moved to this specialty hospital where Eliza works. There are girls and women everywhere. I'm still in my casts and get the one off my arm later today, but the hip one has to stay on for another three weeks. I'll have to relearn to walk and go through lots of physical therapy.
I still only have glimpses of memories from my attack. I remember Britain taking me from the hot shop. I remember him hitting me with the baseball bat in the hip. I have nightmares most nights and get new memories from them. My eyesight is slowly returning. I have another surgery coming up though next week to repair some of the damage Britain did to my face. Dr. Larson, I mean Archie wanted me to be more recovered before I had that one.
Eliza and Archie are sweet and have helped me so much. Archie has a friend of his that's the plastic surgeon coming in to do the surgery for me. I'm struggling with the aftereffects of being on the pain meds but I'm stronger than them. If I take it easy with my eyes, I draw and work on ideas for projects to do with glass as soon as I can.
Lizzy has me meeting with her for regular therapy sessions. Today is the first day I'll be in group though. I wheel the electric wheelchair that I have to help me get through the building to the large rooms where the group sessions are held. Lizzy's facility helps with girls and women that have survived horrific accidents and abuse. Most of her patients have lost a baby or child. I don't fit that part, but she has me also seeing another counselor.
"Okay let's go around and introduce ourselves for Giselle," Lizzy says and I smile at her. She reminds me of some of the Irish grandmas that came into the cafe with their college students when I worked there. Her hair is around her shoulders in a beautiful silver color. She has some wrinkles but is aging beautifully for being over seventy. I couldn't believe it when she told me she was that old. She holds herself in a very regal manner, always standing tall. I know if I could stand, she'd be taller than me. Her and Archie make a cute couple. She's as pale as snow and he's got the beautiful tan skin of his Aboriginal heritage. The way he treats her though reminds me of how Shane would be with me. He always has to touch her and hold her hand. It hurts my heart to be around them sometimes.
A girl that I've only seen a couple of times says her name and I focus back on the group getting out of my head.
Piper.
I like that name. She only comes every other week or so. She and Gabrielle, Lizzy and Archie's granddaughter live in Sydney. She's very pretty and dresses in a retro fashion. Her hair and makeup always perfect. Maybe after my surgery when my skin is healed, I'll ask her to help me. I want to cover my scars without looking like a clown.
When they get back around to me, I look around them nervous. I know what I'm supposed to share but I'm scared too. I still fear judgement. Shane left me for a reason, and he told me he loved me. My body aches for him.
"I'm Giselle. I'm still recovering from the second time I was attacked by a former boyfriend. The first time he killed my whole family and left me for dead. They say I should've died that day." I pause and work my upper lip. The tears start. "I wanted to die that day too. Why should I live if they died? What was the point of their deaths if I get to live?"
"You have things to live for. They died and wouldn't want you too," the girl, Piper says to me with a gentle smile. "I once thought I should be dead too. But now I'm going to live and honor my loss."
I nod at her and take a deep breath. "The man I loved pushed me away. Sent me here. I worry it's because of all my scars." I wave my hand over my body. "I can't blame him." I pause and wait to see if someone is going to comment. But instead, they are looking at me to say something enlightening. I'm going to shock them all, especially Eliza. "I'm still recovering my memories from this attack and just before it. The doctors say it's because of the traumatic brain injury I sustained when I was hit by a baseball bat. I'm still getting my sight back. I have good and bad days. But last night I had a dream. A memory." I chuff a laugh. "Shane is going to rue the day he pushed me away. I'm going to get better and I'm going to demand my husband take his vows seriously." I hear the gasps and smile. It's a bitter smile though. "Yep, he and I got married right before my attack. He's going to look me in the eye and tell me why?"
I hear a loud guffaw of laughter and turn to see Gabrielle standing there. "You go get him girl. If he married you, he loves you dearly, but he probably thought you wouldn't want him after getting attacked while on his watch." She laughs again. "That would be him. I'll help you. Teach you some moves to drop him to his arse."
I laugh now because something settles inside me. She's right. He loves me.
