Page 18 of Arianna

Contrary to popular belief, I have a heart. I have so many barriers around it that sometimes it is almost impossible to feel anything but coldness.

Rage.

Grief.

I felt all of that at once until I felt nothing.

I have numbed myself to the point where emptiness is all I feel. People cannot hurt you if you have nothing left for them to take.

Being betrayed repeatedly by the people who are supposed to keep you safe will turn anyone as cold as stone.

Cold hearts cannot be broken.

Gabriele beat the warmth out of me.

I used to laugh freely at everything Kadra said.

I used to feel warm inside every time Mila would ask for snuggles whenever she was scared or sad. I stopped feeling as others do the moment Gabriele, ruthlessly and without mercy, beat up my sweet Mila just because she was different. She was born different from Kadra and me, but she feels just the same.

Our father thought he could “fix her,” but really, he only made it worse. Therefore, he took his anger and frustrations out on his family. He couldn’t have a son, so he beat my mother until she couldn’t bear more children. I was not a boy, so he didn’t care for me. Kadra was born because of my mother’s betrayal, and Mila? Besides the fact that she was the last chance he had of having the boy he always wanted, she was also born with a mild case of autism. My mother turned to alcohol and her socialite life and left us to fend for ourselves in that house of horrors. Therefore, today we must prove ourselves worthy to lead the three families of the Holy Trinity. It is all a joke, though. I failed my task —I chose family over “the family” —and now Gabriele humiliates me by putting me in a cage with Kadra. She will pulverize me. I am calculating, smart, and cunning. Those are my strengths.

My beauty works for me when I need to fool people into believing I am something I am not.

A fighter?

That I am not.

That is Kadra’s lane.

I turn to my sister, and for the first time in a while, I feel fear.

For her.

For me.

For us.

We knew this day would come. That eventually, we would become puppets to the Holy Trinity.

She is staring at me with so much hatred and disdain. I want to tell her so many things. Tell her I had nothing to do with it. That I would never intentionally hurt either one of them. That I would bear all their pain to see them smile. I wish I could say many things, but they would be ignored. She will not believe me. She is in pain and channels all those dark feelings into strength.

So here I stand, about to fight my sister for a crown I never wanted but needed to be kept safe. To keep us all safe and change the archaic rules and traditions. Women are born leaders, and the mafia should get with the fucking times. They can be more than just mafia brides. They can aspire to be bosses, working mothers, businesswomen, etc. That will change when a woman takes the title of boss for the first time in mafia history. Kadra or myself. I stare straight ahead and watch the Nicolasi men pick up Valentino from the floor and leave with him. They might need to take him to a hospital or have the family doctor come look at him. Lorenzo did some serious damage, and I am not sure he will recover. He has been knocked out for ten minutes straight and has not responded. Still, what Valentino suffered cannot possibly compare to the damage to Lorenzo’s soul.

If you thought he didn’t have a soul before, nothing is left of it now.

Some of my father’s men finally step forward and pick up Benedetto’s lifeless body from the ground. Gabriele steps over Benedetto’s blood and stands before Kadra and me. He was dreading this day. The day he will hand over control to one of his daughters. “Go on, make me proud.” He lies through his teeth. Nothing we do would ever make this man proud. He is just putting on a show for everyone here. The loving and doting father. All a fucking lie. “Don’t you embarrass me in front of my men.” He says so softly that only Kadra and I can hear. It is always about appearances in the Parisi household. Lorenzo now stands in the shadows, waiting for his turn to fight again. All the boys completed their tasks. Valentino was the first when he used the weird girl with the obnoxious personality to get her thug-of-a-father into our pockets. Lucan ran Andrea out of town, and Lorenzo fucked-up his brother today. They all proved themselves capable of doing what they are told, no matter what it is, and put the three families first. I don’t know what they asked of Kadra. What was her task? Did she go through with it? Kadra ignores Gabriele’s statement, walks toward the middle of the room, and faces me. There is something scary, dark, and calculating in her eyes. Nothing is left of the shy and quiet girl who observed the world with big and hopeful eyes. Just when Gabriele is about to reprimand her for being disobedient, the doors open, and a brood of men in suits invade our space. Men in nice suits, carrying handguns and what look like earpieces.

I have never seen these men before.

Not around us anyway.

However, I recall seeing men dressed similarly in the news and in the papers.

No, no, no.

I thought I had more time.

The one-way ticket to France is burning a hole in my suit jacket. This was my last stop before I was free.

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