Page 12 of Arianna

It took me half an hour to fall in love with her.

Never knew love, not love so deep and so pure until her, and as much as I hate to admit it, I am terrified every hour of every day, agonizing over all the ways I might fuck this up.

My baby daughter coos while making grabby hands at the bottle of formula in my hand. Gently lifting her small head, I place the bottle in her mouth, and she starts to suck happily.

There are many things I notice about my girl that made me hesitant to believe she was mine at first.

Like how happy she is all the time.

She smiles, warming the ice around my heart.

Where does she get it from, I wonder? I don’t know. It is sure as hell not from me. I was never a happy child, and now as a grown man, I don’t remember how it feels to laugh.

A genuine laugh.

I had months to get used to the idea that I am no longer responsible for just myself but for a tiny human who depends on me for everything, too.

I changed my entire lifestyle for her when the paternity test confirmed she was mine.

I no longer do the shit that got me on the front page of the Chicago Column and all the tacky gossip magazines and blogs every damn day.

Every decision I make from now on, I have her best interest in mind.

She comes first.

Always.

Looking down at her while I feed her, I am in awe of how small she looks in my arms.

Those innocent eyes look at me, happy and alert, while she drinks her milk, content to be in my arms, grounding me.

She never cries.

She is the best baby a single and unfeeling man like me could have asked for.

She has a full head of dark hair that curls at the end, making her look like a doll. Just like the ones my mother used to collect when she was alive.

Mother would have loved Ellaiza…

“Man, this kid is the cutest fucking baby I’ve ever seen.” Banning hovers behind me, watching my daughter.

Sighing, I try to reprimand the asshole without startling my baby. “Didn’t I tell you to watch your mouth around my kid and that the next time you used profanities in front of my girl, I would have your tongue?” I don’t look away from Ellaiza as I watch her suck on the feeding bottle’s nipple while making funny faces at Banning.

That is another thing she didn’t inherit from me.

A sense of humor.

“You know damn well she has no clue what I’m saying. Right, little lady?” The big, tattooed motherfucker talks gibberish at her while making fun of me. How he has lasted this long on my team is still a mystery to me.

The fucker is always grating on my last nerve.

“She understands.” Ellaiza releases the nipple with a loud pop. I gently maneuver her on my left shoulder and proceed to burp her. The first time I did this, I was in over my head, but after researching the internet, I got the hang of it.

The shit you can learn on the internet will surprise you.

“Can we focus? We need to do damage control. The gossip is not a good look for the campaign.” Celene’s snooty tone interrupts me.

“And what do you suggest I do, Celene? Do your job. That is what I pay you for.” Kissing my baby’s cheek, I inhale her sweet scent and finish burping her before placing her in Banning’s arms. The man might be the bane of my existence at times, but I trust him with my beating heart.

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