Page 95 of Spearcrest Knight

“But what?” Araminta snaps. “But you get everything you ever want so why should Sophie be any different?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Then what?”

In the end, I tell her the truth, and it sounds even more pathetic than it feels. “But it fucking hurts.”

“Oh does it?” Araminta stands up and shoulders her bag. “Does it hurt, Evan? Is it difficult and painful, having to work for something you want without knowing if you’ll ever get it? Well, that’s how Sophie feels. All the time. So at least be thankful there isn’t some arsehole in your life making things difficult just because they can. Oh wait, there is.You. You’re making your own life difficult, and you’re too stupid to know it.”

She gives me a long, hard look. “Just so you know, you used to be Sophie’s favourite person in this school. Everything you want now, you had in Year 9, and you threw it all away. You might even have had it again this year, if you’d actually tried being a decent human being for once. But you reap what you sow, Evan, so maybe you should try sowing some good for a change.”

And then she turns and walks out, leaving me alone in the classroom to slump down on the high desk, my face in my arms, wondering why nobody is willing to tell me something I want to hear for a change.

Araminta’s words linger in my mind. “You used to be Sophie’s favourite person in this school.”

I never really think about our friendship in Year 9. It happened so fast—ended so quickly. It was my third year in Spearcrest by the time she arrived, I had my own friendships. Her obvious and painful awkwardness somehow endeared her to me, and I extended the hand of friendship since nobody else seemed to have done so.

Being friends with Sophie was fun. Back then, she was an odd combination of very serious and quite goofy. A bit of a nerdy kid, hard-working and with an almost grown-up sense of right and wrong.

But we could talk for hours, play stupid games, make fun of each other. In the classes we had together, we started sitting next to each other. I’d distract her with doodles and notes, she’d explain to me all the stuff I didn’t understand. At Christmas, I even asked my mom to help me buy her a nice gift.

Out of all my friendships, the one I had with Sophie was the most refreshing, the most genuine. We didn’t talk about holidays, about our parents' jobs, about money. We talked about everything else.

And then, the closer we got, the more Luca and Séverin and the others noticed it. At first, it was harmless jabs: who’s your new girlfriend? Are you and Sophie going to get married when you’re older? Stupid childish shit.

Then, it was: are you only interested in her because you want to know what it’s like to date someone poor? Do poor girls put out more easily because you can just bribe them with gifts and money?

My first and only fight with Luca was on a day I found him talking to Sophie in the dining hall. He asked her a million questions, and then touched her hair, which I particularly hated. I hated it so much I wanted to punch him.

When I confronted him later, he said, “We’re going to run this school, Evan. This girl isn’t one of us, she’s just going to get in our way. But you want to go ahead and keep her around, then you’re going to have to just accept we’ll be sharing. You’re not gonna be the only one who gets to stick it in a poor person.”

I hit him that day. His dad called the school. The school called my dad. My dad threatened to yank me out of Spearcrest. But if I left Spearcrest I wouldn’t just lose Sophie—I’d lose everything.

So I stayed in Spearcrest and made up with Luca. It came with a lot of power, everything I wanted in Spearcrest. But Luca hadn’t lied about the sharing thing. From then on, every girl I ever tried to be with, any girl I ever dated, Luca always ended up getting his hands on at one point or another.

I made my peace with it. I didn’t really care so long as he stayed away from Sophie.

And the more I distanced myself from Sophie, the more cruel I became towards her, the less interested Luca was. And being cruel to Sophie became so easy—she made it easy. With her combative glares, her prideful posture, her fucking prefect badge. Everything I used to like about her faded, she became someone so easy to hate.

But I never stopped wanting her for myself. And so everything I did was worth the sacrifice at the time. Because my hatred kept her in a cage, and in that cage nobody else could reach her. Not even Luca.

It had been worth it for the longest time.

But Sophie made it out of that cage. Right under my nose, she outgrew it. She became beautiful and self-assured, cool and confident. And while I was worrying about somebody in Spearcrest noticing her, somebody outside of Spearcrest—some normal, random guy with nothing to offer—swept her away. And now, we’ll all be leaving Spearcrest in a few months, and after that, everything here will become meaningless. I’ll have spent five years around Sophie without ever being able to get near her.

And it doesn’t feel all that worth it anymore.

30

Victory

Sophie

ThewholemonthofJanuary feels like being hit by a freight truck over and over again. In between coursework piling up, preparing for the next volley of exams coming up in February and university application deadlines, there’s not a second of the day I’m not spending either working or worrying about how much work I have left to do.

On Sunday, I get two unexpected texts: the first one is from Freddy.

“Hey, Sophie. Just a quick text to let you know we all miss you loads here at the Little Garden. Would love to meet for a coffee and a catch-up sometime, if you fancy it—and if you have time. I know how busy you must be at the moment, but maybe I can cheer you up—I know seeing you would definitely cheer me up x Freddy.”

---