“That sounds about right.” She would know better than anyone. She made it her job to date as many people as possible … and then write about them. Some of her exes called her the Taylor Swift of the literary world. That was a huge mistake, as she would only use more of their defects in her next novel. As her editor, I quite enjoyed it.
“So, I just give up?” I was feeling less and less like taking on the world.
“Please don’t take it that way. I’m just worried the reason you haven’t dated anyone since Josh is because you never really closed that door.”
Oh, but I had closed the door … and then stared at it. “It’s shut tight. I promise.” Josh had bolted it, and I wasn’t foolish enough to believe it would ever open again. Or that I should even knock on it. I was hit with flashes of the way his features twisted in what I could only describe as pure anguish and shock, my ultimate betrayal reflecting in his eyes, as I eked out, “I will always love you. Goodbye,” before turning and leaving. That moment would live with me forever. I knew Josh would never believe it, but my heart was in the right place.
“Okay. If you say so.”
Before I could respond, a jubilant Jolene’s voice rent the air on the other end of the phone. “I can’t believe this is happening!” she shouted.
“What’s going on?” Tara asked.
“Put Nat on speaker,” she cheerfully demanded.
Tara did as she was told.
“Ladies, you are looking at, or listening to, the next headliner at Laugh on Tap!” Jolene squealed.
I’d never heard her do that before. She actually made fun of people who squealed. It spoke to the significance of her announcement.
“That’s amazing,” I gushed. “I’m so proud of you. How did this happen and when?”
“Chase Olson was on the schedule to perform this weekend, but the douche has a severe case of laryngitis.” It was a well-known fact in the Nashville comic scene that Chase was a pig. His life goal was to sleep with as many women from each of his audiences as he could. Unfortunately, he had talent and was good looking, so he got his wish on the regular. “Mikey”—he was the owner of the club—“just called Geena”—Jolene’s agent—“and asked if I wanted to fill in. Of course I said yes.” She’d been dreaming of being more than the opening act for years.
“Eep!” Tara shouted. “You have to come, Nat.”
I swallowed hard. You promised you would be a better friend and next time you would go. This is an enormous deal for Jolene. I knew that. It’s just that place. So many memories, good and bad. But mostly good. “I’ll be there,” I said shakily. It’s not like I would see Josh there. At least not in the flesh. Maybe it would even help me move on from the past. All I knew was Alec would give me several figurative stars on my chart for this.
“PLEASE SLOW DOWN,” I BEGGED Tara as we screamed down the highway toward Nashville. My flight had, of course, been late. I swear something in the universe was out to get me and my schedule-loving ways. It was definitely testing my patience. My flight was scheduled to arrive early this afternoon, giving us plenty of time to get to the comedy club, maybe even have an early dinner before we helped Jolene get ready. Now, as it stood, we were barely going to make it in time.
I’d offered to take an Uber even though I’d made a blood oath to never, one, get in a stranger’s car, and two, let some random person drive me around. I didn’t even like it when people I loved chauffeured me. Not surprisingly, I liked to be in the driver’s seat. How could I let someone else be in control of my life? Josh had accused me of being the biggest backseat driver to ever exist. It wasn’t my fault he was constantly driving too close to other cars or barely stopping at stop signs. Or worse, he looked at his phone while driving. It was one of our many arguments.
Knowing all this, Tara and Jolene thought it best if Tara just picked me up, lest I changed my mind and didn’t come. I probably should have just driven the five hours. But the weather this time of year was unpredictable. The last thing I needed was to get caught in a snowstorm. Perhaps I should have taken my chances, considering I might die due to my best friend’s propensity to drive like Mario Andretti with I-65 serving as a speedway.
“No can do. We can’t be late.” Tara floored it.
I gripped my seat and closed my eyes, repeating in my head a list of things I could control. The only thing I could think of was that I could keep my terror-filled screams to myself. One positive side effect was that the fear made it nearly impossible to think about what I was actually doing. I was entering Josh’s turf. The turf we frequented when we were together. Laugh on Tap booked Josh whenever they could, as his shows always sold out. All week I had been thinking about all the women who had fawned over him, slipping him their number. Some even had the audacity to kiss him or grab his butt like he was a piece of meat. It was the same at every venue around the country. Everyone wanted a piece of Josh.
Then there was the after scene, where Josh was, deservedly, the center of attention. I always hung back, not because Josh wanted me to, but because I needed to. As a major introvert, just going to Josh’s shows drained all my energy. It got to the point where I wouldn’t even go to the after-parties or dinner. I even stopped going on the road with him. Now here I was back in our old stomping grounds, only to be spared by a potential spectacular death on the highway.
“It’s going to be fine,” Tara tried to calm my nerves.
“If you say so.” I peeked an eye open and watched as we whizzed by several cars, their headlights fading into the distance.
“I’m honestly shocked you came.”
I turned to face my beautiful friend, her chestnut hair curled and spilling over her shoulders while she gripped the steering wheel, turning it erratically. “I promised I would.”
“You did, but I know this isn’t easy for you.”
“I did an extra session with Alec,” I admitted. He’d helped me visualize my visit and come up with strategies to make Jolene the focus of the night, not my need to be invisible or in control. We did gratitude exercises to help with any negative thought processes that might creep up. Thoughts like I would never be good enough for Josh—or anyone, for that matter. It was ridiculous the amount of energy I had to muster to support my best friend. I just hoped no one from the “old” crowd engaged me in conversation. I was sure they all hated me, anyway. Besides, they were mostly all team Camila, like the rest of the world. But the world didn’t know what we had. They never would.
Tara chortled. “There’s no shame in that. I’m just happy you’re here. We miss you.”
“I miss you both, too.” Being away from them was the one downside of Greer. Although Greer was much more my pace, I missed them every day. When I lived in Nashville, I had chosen not to share an apartment with them. I figured it was better for everyone that way. Not to say they were slobs like Josh, but being such a creature of habit can be hard on other people. No need to push away my genuine family. “By the way, if I die tonight, please let my date for next week know why I literally ghosted him.”
“What!” She whipped her head my way. “Shut the front door. You actually have a date?”