Page 31 of Love Rescheduled

“That’s quite the wake-up call.”

I smiled and grabbed my drink.

Josh watched my every move with a look of contentment. “Feels like old times.”

Yeah, it did. Too bad I knew it would never last.

I LOOKED UP FROM MY laptop. Loud music was blaring in the bathroom, drowning out Horacio Gutiérrez’s concerto performance I was playing in the background while I worked. Grrr. Josh. I thought he would be gone by now, especially considering I had a date tonight and yesterday we had a little tiff about him using my razor and leaving hair all over the sink. And … he’d helped himself to my expensive shampoo and conditioner. The man made more money than anyone I knew, and he couldn’t pack his own toiletry bag? Don’t even get me going on his clothes that were strung everywhere. It didn’t matter how many times I picked them up and put them in the laundry basket I had given him; they seemed to multiply like gremlins when you watered them at night, and then they were wreaking destruction on my well-ordered, clean life.

I had gotten tough with Josh yesterday and told him we weren’t getting back together, and I planned on keeping my dates with the doctor and the actuary this week. According to Hal and Stu, Kyle, the actuary, was excited to meet me this weekend. Kyle had apparently expressed that I sounded like the perfect woman for him. Josh only smiled and shrugged when I’d made my declaration. It was maddening. I was expecting him to say something snarky, or at least contrary, so we could argue about it, but no.

Regardless, whatever his game plan was, it wasn’t going to work.

I pushed back my chair and marched over to the bathroom to the tune of Josh’s morning song, “Da Ya Think I’m Sexy?” Oh, I was thinking some things about him, and it wasn’t that he was sexy. I was going with insufferable. I pounded on the solid wood door, hurting my hand a bit. “Josh!”

He whipped the door open so fast it was like he had lured me there with his loud music on purpose. There he stood in all his glory with only a towel wrapped around his waist. A towel on the shorter side, mind you. He pointed at me and showed his alluring grin. “If you want my body and you think I’m sexy, come on, sugar, let me know.” He wagged his brows, knowing exactly what he was doing. This was a trap. And it was working.

I stood immobilized, staring at his beautiful chest. Strong memories of how it felt to curl my fingers right into it were front and center in my mind. Or how safe I felt when my head landed in the soft forest of hair to hear Josh’s contented heart beating only for me. And could we take a minute to appreciate his abs, which were even more defined? The boy had been working out. My hands itched to reach out and touch him. My mouth wished to utter that, oh yes, I wanted his body, and I thought he was sexy. That’s when I did the sane thing and turned around.

Josh laughed loudly over his ridiculous get-ready song. “Come on, Nat, you know you want a piece of this. Dance with me, girl. I know you can. Remember that time on the tour bus when it was just us, and you said you always wished you had learned how to dance, and I showed you all the moves?”

Did I ever. A heat like the dead star in the center of the Red Spider Nebula consumed me, thinking of how sensual those dance lessons ended up being. When Josh wanted to, he could go well beyond silly dance moves. To his chagrin, his mother had made him take ballroom dance lessons as a teen. He must have been an excellent pupil. I closed my eyes, doing my best not to relive every second of the gorgeous memory of Josh sharing all his knowledge on the subject with me.

“Josh, please,” I pleaded. “I need to work.” Really, I needed to be submerged into an ice bath, but he didn’t need to know that. That would have brought him far too much satisfaction. And I still kind of sort of abhorred him. Obviously, not enough to call the police to remove his half-naked self, but it still existed on some small level. It’s a tad hard to hate someone who rubs your feet while you watch your allotted nightly hour of TV. I had almost begged him to rub more, which was exactly what he had wanted despite his no-strings-attached promise. Thankfully, I’d found the will to resist all the strings.

“Still distracted by my good looks?” he asked with an air of cockiness only he could muster.

“Just put some pants on,” I responded, flustered. “And turn down the music. Maybe go home,” I added. Not as emphatically as I should have. There lay my problem. All my attempts to throw his tight butt out were half-hearted. He knew it and I knew it. I was banking on him being turned off by everything about me that made us incompatible. Or, you know, the fact that I planned on marrying someone who wasn’t him later this fall. I thought for sure that would have sent him packing.

Josh turned down the music until it was only humming in the background. “Home is such a relative term. Don’t you think?”

“It depends on what you’re comparing it to,” I challenged him.

He grabbed my hand and spun me around before I could react to what he was doing. That’s how I found myself peering right into the chest I longed to snuggle into, breathing in his freshly showered scent with a hint of lingering Obsession for Men. It was an amazing combo. Desire rose in me like hot molten lava ready to burst through the earth’s crust, holding back its destructive power. A crack in the rocky layer broke when my head tilted up and my gaze landed on his lips, parted just enough to let me know he was inviting me to taste them. It was a miracle on his part and mine that our lips had not already collided in some glorious fashion after spending so much time together over the last couple of days. It’s not that I hadn’t thought about it on repeat, but I couldn’t lead him on, knowing it would only hurt more when he finally departed.

Josh firmly gripped the hand he held. He raised his free hand and acted as if he were going to rest it on my cheek but instead only hovered over it as if he, too, were afraid to deepen our connection.

I remained still, hardly able to breathe, wondering if this is where I broke and gave in to the temptation to lean into his hand and let his lips consume mine until I forgot for a moment why we shouldn’t be together.

His hand gently landed on my cheek, and his thumb immediately began caressing my smooth skin, leaving ripples of heat. “Didn’t we used to say wherever we were together, that’s where home is?”

We did. And in theory, it’s a lovely thought. Even in practice, it was true. Josh is home. But his life was disquieting.

I swallowed down the lump in my throat, warring within myself whether to crush him or to love him, even if it would only lead to a worse ending than before. The battle raged and raged while my heart pounded relentlessly, not knowing whether it wished to break now or later. But then I remembered the utter hatred in Josh’s eyes before I had turned and walked away for what I thought was the last time. I couldn’t put either of us through that again.

“Josh, you are … well … I guess what I’m trying to say is, I love living in this small town and even in Nana’s tiny cottage. I enjoy knowing I can go to sleep in my bed every night and wake up in the same place each morning. And here I’m free just to be my own quirky self instead of a freak on display.”

Josh dropped his hand and mine, knowing where this was going. “I get it. You hate my life.”

I felt terrible hurting him. “I don’t hate your life. You have a great life, and you should live it to its fullest, like you’re meant to do. It’s just not a life meant for me.” I said it all as bravely as I could, though inside, I was withering. I made myself play that stupid video from Laugh on Tap over and over in my head to remind me why this had to be.

“Yeah, so you keep saying.” He ran his fingers through his hair, obviously unhappy.

“I’ll let you finish getting ready. I’m going to go walk.” Even though it wasn’t ten yet. I just needed to get away from him and the hurt. I had to clear my head if I could.

“I thought you said you walked at ten every day.” He’d asked about my schedule yesterday. I was sure he wasn’t a fan of my rigid lifestyle. I hoped it brought him some comfort to know he wasn’t going to get stuck with me and my routine.

“I do,” I stuttered, backing away from him. Despite what was coming out of my mouth, every cell in my body was screaming for me to tackle him and prove to him I didn’t schedule everything. I had never tackled anyone, so I wasn’t sure where this thought was coming from or how to even go about accomplishing it. But a tiny voice inside me told me I could if only I would set myself free. It must be related to Alec. I took another step away from Josh, afraid of the voice, terrified of who I might become if I let go. I had to remind myself that engaging with Josh physically on any level was just cruel and unusual punishment. I would never toy with his feelings like that.

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