Page 45 of Love Rescheduled

“Oh, no. Don’t give me that. You talked to him, didn’t you?”

“You know I’m not at liberty to say.”

“But you were obviously talking about me.”

“You frequently mention the presumed client.”

“Just say his name.” I got touchy.

“Natalie, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

It was too late now. “What did he say?”

Alec pretended to zip his lips. “I’m not saying a word.”

“Fine.” I pouted.

“So, how do you feel about him leaving?”

“You’re not my therapist,” I reminded him, though I most certainly treated him like one, but that wasn’t the point.

“True, but as this has a direct correlation to your goals and personal growth, I believe it’s an appropriate question.”

“How do you think I feel?” I snapped back.

“Judging by your tone, I would say not well.”

“I’m sorry for snapping at you, but I can’t believe you’re talking to him. You were mine first.” I sounded like an insolent child.

Alec grinned. “I’m glad you love me so much you don’t want to share,” he teased. “But you’re not answering the question. Why is that?”

I took a deep breath in and sank into my chair at the table. “Alec, he wants the seemingly impossible.”

“Which is?”

“He wants me to be someone I’m not.”

“Explain,” he prompted.

“You know, love myself unconditionally, blah, blah, blah, not care about what anyone thinks about me, yadda, yadda, yadda. The usual.”

“Sounds terrible,” he deadpanned.

“It is,” I whined.

“What are the obstacles holding you back? Or do you even want a relationship with whatever his name is?” Alec chuckled.

I gave him a small smile in return for his attempt at humor. Yet, I thought about his questions. The obvious answer to the first question was me. It was always me holding me back. The answer to the second question was a little more complicated. Yes, I wanted a relationship with Josh, but making that happen scared me more than anything ever had. Because … “Let’s pretend I get out of my own way, and we try to work things out. And say it all goes great for a while, just like it did before. But then … it gets hard again. I can’t keep up the act and Josh realizes he doesn’t really want someone as boring as me. Then what?”

Alec’s brow furrowed. “First, I thought we were working on speaking kinder to ourselves.”

I said nothing. I was failing miserably at that assignment.

Alec continued, “Are you basing your decisions on hypotheticals?”

“No. There is a track record here,” I defended myself.

“Do you mean of you trying to control the outcome before allowing it to play out?”

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