Page 87 of You Had Me At Thirteen

‘You know what, Matilda. Jesus.’

This makes no sense. What are we doing then? I don’t think I’m crazy to think that he has feelings for me? Right?

‘Wren, what happened? I don’t understand. Why can’t you just talk to me?’

Tears prick at his eyes, as he scrapes his top teeth over his bottom lip. ‘Because I don’t want to feel what I feel for you.’

Ouch. ‘Why not?’ My bottom lip trembles as my emotions threaten to suffocate me.

‘Don’t be stupid, Matilda. You’ve seen my parents’ relationship. Do you really think I want that?’

I shake my head. ‘Wow, Wren. So what the fuck are we doing? Are you just using me?’ Oh God, I have to hold my stomach. This isn’t happening.

‘What? No. It’s not like that.’

‘Then whatisit like, Wren? Please enlighten me, because I just can’t…’ I swallow the lump in my throat.

He sighs, letting his shoulders sag as he plants himself next to me on the couch, his head in his hands. ‘I’m a mess. Why would you want that?’

Because I’m fucking falling in love with you… is what I want to say.

‘Because you make me feel something I never thought I would. I’m taking a chance here too. My dad… he…’

Wren looks up, his eyes bloodshot. ‘He what?’

I blow out a breath. ‘He cheated on my mum so many times, but she just kept taking him back. I hated him so much, and I promised myself I’d never let that happen to me. So, yeah, I’m taking a chance with you.’

Shit.

That really didn’t come out the way I planned it, but it’s the truth. Wren has had plenty of women, and I’m not even sure I’m making the right decision, but I’m taking a chance, so why can’t he?

‘What’s that supposed to mean? You think I’m going to fuck other women while I’m with you?’

‘No, that’s not what I meant. It’s just… you’ve had plenty of experience. But I realise now you aren’t the person I thought you were.’

‘And what kind of person did you think I was?’

It seems I like digging my own grave here.

‘Honestly, I don’t even know anymore.’ I slump into him, brushing my shoulder against his upper arm. It’s enough to send goosebumps over my entire body.

Wren rubs his forehead. ‘I would never cheat on you. My feelings… Christ.’ He swallows. ‘I’ve seen how relationships play out, and I’ve never wanted to put myself through that. I can’t put you through that.’

‘So that’s it then?’ Tears sting my eyes. This can’t be how we end. I won’t let it.

Wren shrugs but remains silent, so when he doesn’t move, I decide to take a chance by crawling onto his lap. He feels the same as me, I know it, but he needs to admit it to himself first.

When I kiss his neck, his pulse thrumming under my lips, he shivers, so I kiss him again, and run my hands over his hard chest.

‘Don’t.’ He stops my hands, but doesn’t remove them from his body. His shallow breathing is evidence that I affect him as much as he affects me. Why does he feel as though he’s not deserving of love? Of my love.

Maybe it is me. He doesn’t want to love me. He said he doesn’t want to feel what he’s feeling, which makes my heart hurt.

But I can’t dismiss the way his body almost convulses when I touch him. As I make my way up his neck, over his jaw towards his lips, our bodies so close, but our minds so far apart, he lets out a small groan.

He scans my face, resting his hands on my thighs.

‘I want you,’ I say. ‘Touch me.’

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