Page 26 of You Had Me At Thirteen

‘Okay, then. I see someone’s got their panties in a knot tonight.’

‘Whatever,’ I say. ‘I don’t want to talk about it.’

‘Hey, I’m not pushing.’ He hands me the envelope. ‘Anyway, good fight tonight, man. Tommy will regret his decisions in the morning, and the payout is decent. Plus, Stu wants to fight you.’

I scoff. ‘Idiot.’

‘His brain is probably still scrambled from the beating I gave him.’ He shakes his head with a laugh.

I hold the envelope up before stuffing it into my gym bag. ‘Thanks Jordo, appreciate it.’

‘Anytime. I’ll leave you to it.’ Jordan claps me on the back and stalks out of the change room.

When I get home, Matilda’s light is off, so I stand at the window, staring at my reflection. I should go over there, grab her by the waist, and beg her to give me what I want. Or more like what I need.

How did I get myself into this position? I should have let her beg Mr Hughes for a different partner, because now she’s so far under my skin that if I try to cut her out, I’ll be cutting out pieces of myself.

I’ve never felt such a powerful pull towards a girl before, but all I know is when I’m near her, my life seems less shitty. Even if it is just for a small amount of time.

But damn it, I want to feel the pain because then I can inflict it on others. Why should everyone else get to enjoy their life, when I’m stuck in this one, barely holding on by my fingertips?

So, now the question is, can I just fuck her out of my system and move on? Is getting to know her that way even a good idea anymore? I’ve kept her at arm’s length, watching from the sidelines as she goes about her life, existing in the same breathing space as me.

When I’m inside someone else, she’s far from my mind, but when I’m alone in my room, I only have to glance up to come right back to regretting the fact that I live next door to the only woman I’ll never be good enough for.

I blow out my breath and dump my gym bag on the chair in the corner of my room before pulling out the envelope containing my payout. It’s ironic that I get paid to smash people’s faces in, when people like Matilda’s mum get paid to put them back together. Why is that so easy? Why can’t they put my mum back together? Or my family?

I grab the old shoebox on the top shelf of my wardrobe, open the lid and shove the envelope in with the others. The box feels heavy in my hands as I count the number of days I have left with my mum. At least there’s enough cash for another month.

TWELVE

Wren

* * *

‘You’re in a mood,’ Koby says as we stroll down the hall towards the chemistry labs.

‘I’m fine,’ I say, trying to sound as though I’m not about to explode.

‘No, you’re not. Yesterday was bad enough, and today you look like you’re about to commit murder. Is everything okay… at home?’ He rubs the back of his neck and glances around to make sure no-one heard him mention my home life.

I roll my eyes. I know he’s trying to help, but it isn’t working. He’s pissing me off even more. ‘Everything is fine at home.’

‘Okay, well what is it then?’

I pull at my hair. ‘Just fucking leave it, dude.’

Koby steps to the side, increasing the distance between us. ‘Sorry for caring. You know, you’re a real prick sometimes.’

Rubbing my temples, I take a deep breath. ‘Look, I’m sorry, it’s just—’ I’m about to tell him about Thursday night when Matilda comes into view and renders me speechless.

All the air is sucked from my lungs as I take in her beauty. She strides down the hall with Audrey and Clive, her textbooks pressed against her chest as she nods at something Clive is saying. Her ponytail swings from side to side with each step, and I have to swallow the lump in my throat. It’s not until Koby waves his hand in front of my face that I realise I’ve stopped walking.

‘You good, man?’

‘Yeah.’ I shake my head. ‘Sorry.’

We continue walking as Koby tells me about some new game he bought for the PlayStation, but I don’t care. Instead, I nod where I should, while avoiding any sort of eye contact with Matilda. It’s hard trying to ignore her altogether though when her scent wraps itself around me when we pass each other. It sends my heart thumping into my ribcage as I rein in my urge to grab her and kiss her. She has a way of sucking me right in, without even trying.

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