Page 107 of You Had Me At Thirteen

Like trying to give your mother a few more months to live. Even after she lied to me about my dad, I could never stay mad at her. How could I when I now realise she was only trying to protect me. And now I have to stand here and listen to this crap.

Her eyes tell me she’s realised what she’s said. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t—’

‘Mean it?’ I shake my head. ‘And what about the promise you made me?’

She frowns at me, trying to piece together what I’m talking about. She doesn’t remember her promise to always be here for me, which crushes me more than anything.

‘That’s fine,’ I say. ‘I’ve been using you all this time, anyway.’

She blinks at me, tears spilling over her bottom lashes and streaming down her soft pink cheeks as she sobs. Yep, this is me ruining my life. Something I seem to be really great at when it comes to Matilda. But the words keep coming.

‘What? You really thought I’d want to be in a relationship with you? You’re a distraction for me, that’s it. You were thrown right into my line of sight and I couldn’t resist the temptation.’

I push back the urge to drop to my knees and beg for her forgiveness for what I just said. The warm air wraps around my throat, constricting my airways so I feel as though I’m choking.

‘You’re lying.’ Matilda smacks me in the chest, her beautiful brown eyes bloodshot and swollen from the tears I just want to brush away. The tears I’m causing.

‘No. Why would I lie? Makes this easy for you though doesn’t it? We can both admit there are no feelings and neither of us gets hurt.’

‘But that’s not—’

‘Not what?’

She shakes her head, dropping her eyes to the ground. ‘Nothing.’

‘Good, I’m fucking done here.’ I drop the keys at her feet, unable to look at her any longer. Not because I’m angry at her. I mean, I am, but I’d forgive her for what she said. No, I can’t look at her because I’m a gutless piece of shit.

As I walk away from her, her sobs chase me, slapping me in the back, reminding me I’m an arsehole. I can feel her eyes on me as I walk what feels like the longest seconds of my life to my front door.

FORTY-SEVEN

Matilda

* * *

Iwait for Wren to leave before heading over to his house. I’ve made it a habit over the last three days to sneak over there when he isn’t home. It’s the only time I get to hang out with Carla and see Deb.

Today is Thursday and I know exactly where he’s headed. Besides making love to me, fighting is the only other way Wren can deal with his emotions. Now that we aren’t together, the second option is all he has left. At least that’s what he’ll be thinking. But I’m not giving up on us.

After Monday, I didn’t think I could ever come back from what I was feeling after my race, and the subsequent break-up with Wren. The things he said crushed my soul, but I know he didn’t mean them. How could he? I heard his words in his sleep. He loves me. He was lashing out because that’s what he does. When he can't control his emotions, he uses his fists or his harsh words.

It took a couple of days going over everything that had happened to realise how miserable I am without Wren. Not only did I lose the most important race of my life, I also lost the fucking love of my life. I may only be eighteen, but I know Wren is all I want.

Carla answers the door. ‘Hey Til, Deb’s awake at the moment. But make it quick, she’s pretty tired today.’

‘Thanks Carls,’ I say, wrapping my arms around her and giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.

It’s been nice having Carla to talk to when Wren isn’t around. She knows her cousin well, and other than Deb, I have no-one else to talk to who understands what I’m up against.

Audrey tries to help, but she has her rose-coloured glasses on with Koby. Clive isn’t much help either. His way of enacting revenge involves me making Wren jealous by hooking up with Emerson or Will. That’s a horrible fucking idea, even for Clive. But he’s been in a mood, which makes me think things aren’t great between Trevor and him. I feel like I should be there for him, but right now, I’m barely able to keep myself together.

Carla closes the door behind me. ‘I’ll be in the kitchen,’ she says. ‘I’ll give you some privacy.’

‘You’re the best,’ I say, then find the last bedroom at the end of the hall. When Deb could no longer make it up the stairs, they set her up in the back room, with a hospital bed.

I knock on the door as I duck my head in, the smell of bleach making my eyes water. I guess you get used to it after a while.

Deb’s face lights up when she sees me. ‘Honey, come in,’ she says, her voice hoarse. She reaches for a glass of water, bringing it slowly to her cracked lips.

---