Page 112 of You Had Me At Thirteen

I sniff and wipe my nose on my sleeve. ‘I’m sorry,’ I say. ‘I’m a mess. Maybe I should just go home.’

Emerson pulls me to him, the first time I’ve ever seen him serious enough to have a decent conversation. ‘I’ll drive you, come on.’

I nod. ‘Okay.’

As Em pulls me up, Will stands too, handing me the packet of sour watermelon goodies. I crush myself to him, wrapping my arms around his neck. It’s a small gesture, but it makes me feel as though I’m part of this family. Will pats my back, his body stiff, obviously not used to this type of affection.

When I pull back, he gives me a tight smile. ‘See you later.’

‘Thanks, Will.’

I try to stop myself from looking around for Wren, but when I go in search of him, it’s Koby who notices. ‘He’s not angry at you, Til,’ he says. ‘He’s lost without his mum. Trust me when I say he’s barely spoken to us. He’ll come round, I promise.’

‘I just feel so useless,’ I say, holding myself around the middle.

‘We all do,’ Emerson says and takes my backpack. ‘But there’s no point pushing him. You know what he’s like.’

I nod, twisting my mouth to the side. ‘Yeah, I guess. Thanks everyone, I’ll see you later.’

Audrey hugs me. ‘I love you. I’ll come by later.’

‘Okay. Love you too.’

Clive is next. ‘Look after yourself, sweetie. Movie night tonight?’

With a tight smile, I nod. ‘Sounds good.’

I’m feeling a little more optimistic after Koby told me Wren isn’t angry at me. Maybe there’s hope for us after all. I just have to figure out a way to get him to talk to me. It may be selfish of me, but I don’t want him to feel like he’s alone in his grief. I’ll wait for years if I have to, a lifetime. He can’t drown me out forever.

FIFTY

Wren

* * *

Avoiding Carla, I head to my bedroom after school. It’s been my hiding place since coming home from Koby’s house last night. I haven’t even cried. Is there something wrong with me?

I don’t know why, but every time I think about her, it feels like a fucked-up dream. One I’m going to wake up from and she’ll be standing in my doorway with her bright eyes shining, her face lit up the way it did when she was around Matilda.

I’ve tried to go into her room so I can breathe in the lingering scent of her lavender shampoo. It’ll fade soon enough, but every time I get to the door, I can’t make myself go any further, so I stare at it for a moment, my heart racing as I struggle to take a deep breath.

It’s just a bad dream.

Carla knocks on my door, letting herself in without waiting for me to respond. ‘Hey,’ she says, coming over to sit on the edge of my bed.

With my back to the door, I still haven’t turned to face her, but I feel her eyes on me, burning into the back of my head. ‘Do you mind?’

‘I’m just checking on you. How was school?’

‘Fine.’

‘Did you see Matilda?’

‘Yep.’

‘Did you talk to her?’

‘Nope.’ Although, that’s all I wanted to do, but as soon as I locked eyes with her at lunch today, I knew I’d crack and my entire insides would fall to the ground in front of her if she got close enough.

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