Page 111 of You Had Me At Thirteen

Why does Wren have to be so stubborn? Give him time, that’s what Mum and Deb both said.

Oh, Deb, I miss you.

As I make my way to our now-expanded group, Audrey waves at me from between Koby’s legs. I rub my chest with sweaty hands and take a deep breath. My body feels heavy, like my limbs are filled with lead, and it’s a struggle to walk the ten metres across the grassed area to the table.

Clive sits crossed-legged while talking to Willis, which surprises me. Will doesn’t talk to anyone, so it’s nice to see him coming out of his shell a little. Two are missing. Wren and Emerson. Maybe Wren has gone home. Jesus, maybe I should go home. Confronting him right now doesn’t seem like such a great idea, but I keep walking until I reach my friends.

‘Hey guys,’ I say, sitting down on the blanket next to Audrey. The table isn’t big enough for all of us now that we’ve grown as a group, so we’ve gravitated to the grass beside it.

‘There she is,’ Clive says as he jumps up. ‘How you doing, sweetie?’ He plants himself next to me and takes one of my hands.

I shrug. ‘I’m okay.’

‘Can I get you anything?’

‘I’m good, not hungry right now.’ It’s been a couple of days since I’ve had a proper meal, unable to eat much of anything.

The grief I feel now, compared to losing my dad is like hell. It’s like my heart forgot how to beat properly, skipping a few before racing again.

Audrey rubs circles on my back. ‘You need to eat, babe.’

‘I said I’m fine.’ Everyone needs to stop telling me what to do. But I’ll keep telling them I’m fine. I’m not fine, but what’s the point in sitting at home by myself?

Will moves over to sit next to me, squeezing himself between Clive and me, and hands me a packet of sour lollies covered in sugar. When I glance at him, his blue eyes dart up to mine before dropping again.

He lifts a shoulder. ‘These might help, you know, if you don’t want to eat proper food. A little sugar will help. And these are my favourite.’

One side of my lips lift and I place two lollies into my mouth, sending my salivary glands into overdrive, but once the sourness eases, the watermelon flavour takes over.

I nudge Will. ‘Thank you.’

The tops of his ears turn pink and he rubs the back of his neck. ‘Anytime.’

‘Hey Til.’ Koby lifts his chin towards me. ‘You doing okay?’

I try to smile, but it’s hard to keep the muscles on my face from only wanting to frown. ‘Hey, Kobes. Have you seen Wren?’

He nods. ‘Yeah… he spent the weekend at mine.’

‘He did? How is he?’

Koby shrugs. ‘He’s… Wren.’ He rubs his forehead as he glances over my head. ‘Speaking of which.’

Wren and Emerson are walking our way. Emerson has his soccer ball tucked under his arm, still dressed in his training gear. As soon as Wren locks eyes with me, he pats Emerson on the shoulder, leans in to say something, then turns and walks in the opposite direction.

It’s our first time seeing each other since Friday, and my body reacts to him the way it always does. The weakness I felt moments ago dies a little, giving me a chance to take a deep breath. I never thought I’d crave someone so much that I need them just to breathe. But that’s what Wren has done to me.

Emerson watches Wren for a moment, scratching his head. Is Wren leaving because of me? Tears sting my eyes, but when I go to get up, Koby grabs my wrist.

‘What are you doing?’ I say, yanking my wrist from his hand.

All eyes are on us. Koby glances around for a moment. ‘Til, please,’ he says, lowering his voice when he leans closer, ‘just leave it. He just… needs some space.’ Our eyes meet again as he says the last words.

Tears fall down my cheeks. ‘How much? I just want to be there for him. How can I do that when he won’t talk to me? I know he’s angry at me because of what I said, but…’ I bury my face in my hands.

Audrey wraps her arms around me and I sob into her white school shirt, leaving see-through patches on her shoulder.

Emerson plants himself in front of me and rubs my shoulders. ‘It’s all good, Til. He’ll come round.’

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