Page 17 of Vicarious

Dele snickers from the other side of Phae and I glare over at her, even though she probably can’t see in the dark.

“Don’t take it personally, Phae. He whines the exact same way when the twins can convince him to watch with them,” Dele says.

“Then when it’s safe for the twins to come, we can all watch and drive him insane together. And then we can watch one of those holiday rom coms you like so much, Adrian,” Phae suggests. “Since the holiday season is here and all.”

I huff and roll my eyes before turning back to look at the stupid show.

With the twins, I’d at least half pay attention to it so I can follow their excited discussion afterward. Even if it were just me and Dele, I’d pay enough attention to nitpick plot holes that don’t really matter and aspects that are unrealistic just because arguing with her about it is entertaining.

But tonight, I can’t. Because I’m all too aware of the way that Phae is leaned against me. The way she’s holding onto my hand in hers. The way I feel Dele’s eyes on me. The tight frown of her lips. The jealousy that practically radiates from her.

I want to reach over and comfort her. To reassure her that no one can take the place she has in my life. Not even Phae. Not before we thought she was dead and not now. But I also can’t say and do that with Phae sitting between us. Phae, who wants to find out what, if anything, there is left between us. So I don’t do anything. Just try to watch their dumb cartoon and ignore the way Phae is leaning on me and the heat of Dele’s stares.

Was it always like this before? Was Dele always this jealous and upset about Phae and I, and I just never noticed? Or is that a new thing because now she’s had a taste of what she thought she could never have? Was it always this hard to resist the urge to lean over and touch her? To resist taking her into my arms and kissing her. Stripping her naked and fucking her. And if it was always this hard, how the fuck did I manage not to for the better part of five years? How the fuck did all those late night spars and late night beers at her apartment or waiting for Phae to come back from work never turn into anything?

And people say one of my greatest weaknesses is restraint…

Finally, Phae yawns and says, “Wow. I used to be able to run on such little sleep. It feels like all I do is sleep now.”

“You’re still recovering,” Dele assures. “It’s a natural trauma response now that your body has a chance to heal.”

“Doesn’t make me feel any better about it,” Phae says as she gets up and finally lets go of my hand.

“I went through the same thing once. I know,” Dele replies. “Better to accept it than fight it.”

“I suppose you’re right. I’ll see you both in the morning.”

Phae hesitates before shaking her head and saying, “Good night.”

She walks out the room and makes her way upstairs to her room.

Only a while later does Dele say, “We should probably follow her lead.”

I turn off the television and fold the blanket while Dele puts away the snacks and food she and Phae had gathered. Then together we head upstairs in the direction of our rooms. The room Dele has chosen for herself is after Phae’s room, but before the master bedroom at the end of the hall.

She opens the door to go in. I don’t need the inviting look she gives me to follow her. To close the door behind us, to press her against said door and capture her lips with mine.

The relieved whine she lets out when I kiss her would have been enough to make me hard for her if I wasn’t already nursing a hardon for her. Fuck. It’s been too long. And it hasn’t even been a week since I’ve had her. We’ve had longer separations for fuck’s sake. I’ve gone months between fucking her before.

But this is different. I’ve never had her right in my reach, right in my grasp and not been able to do anything about it. Well, I have. But not since having first tasted her. Not since I first pinned her to the ground and made her take my cock. Even when she was playing hard to get afterward, I could touch her. I didn’t have to hide my desire.

But this? This is torture.

“How,” I begin pulling away from her to get her oversized lounge shirt off, “How the fuck did I stay away from you before?”

“You didn’t,” she manages before letting out squeal as I take one of her dark nipples, already pointed and hard with desire, into my mouth. With want for me and what I’m about to do to her.

I give a hard suck and say, “You know what I mean.”

“I don’t… Fuck,” she mutters as my hand finds its way into her tights and panties and I stroke her pussy. It’s soaked and tells me just how much she’s been suffering these last few days. Within reach, but unable to do anything about it.

I continue to stroke her pussy while sucking on her nipples. Her body is shaking, quaking in excitement. Skin growing hot and flushed under my ministrations, but I don’t hear any noise from her, and I glance up to see she’s holding the back of her hand against her mouth.

I stop stroking her and say, “I want to hear you.”

“Your…” Her legs damn near give way as I press my entire hand up and hard on her clit and pussy. “Your fucking wife is in the next room.”

At this moment, I really couldn’t care less about who was in the next room. I want to hear her moan. I want to hear her scream. I want everything I haven’t been able to take the last few days.

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