Page 17 of Almost Him

Alden is a year ahead of me and it occurs to me that he might choose to go to college out of state too. Weeks go by sometimes without him climbing through my window, but I know he’ll be back. And that I’ll see him in school, even if he’s with his friends and all I get is a smile or wink. The thought of not having that to look forward to is awful.

“Do you think you’ll go to an out of state college?”

The dark gravel between the railroad ties crunches under our feet while he takes his time answering. “I’m not going to college. I’m learning all I need to know now.”

“By being a bookie and selling drugs?”

“No, judgy. Ronin owns a bike shop. I told you I’m going to build and sell custom bikes. His mechanics are teaching me everything.”

“That does sound pretty awesome.”

He beams at me. “You think I can do it?”

“Of course, I do. You’ve always been able to fix stuff. You must’ve fixed every bicycle and lawnmower in our neighborhood at some point. I heard my dad tell your mom you should go into engineering.”

“Years of school that’ll cost a fortune? No way. I have my own plans. I’m going to learn as much as I can from Ronin’s guys, save all my money, and do what I love, working on stuff.” He squeezes my hand. “What do you want to be? I’m assuming you’ve given up on your dream of driving an ice cream truck.”

His grin is teasing, and I elbow him. “Shut up. I was eleven and it sounded like a fun job. All the ice cream you could eat.”

“So, you’re sticking with that. That’s cool. Do I get a discount?”

“I’m not driving an ice cream truck, idiot.” My real dream is a new one that I haven’t mentioned to anyone yet. “I want to be a photographer. I bought a camera from the pawn shop and I’ve been learning to use it. I’ve signed up for photography next year for my art credit.”

“I’m not surprised. You always had one of those disposable cameras in your hand when we were little. What kind of pictures do you like to take?”

“People mostly. I mean, I like taking pictures of everything, but people are the most fun.” There’s more to it than that but I don’t understand it enough myself to explain. The way the camera captures things in people that we don’t look closely enough to see every day. The way it seals a moment forever. “Maybe I’ll travel and photograph models or something. I haven’t figured it out yet.”

“You will. That’s a great plan.”

There’s not an ounce of amusement in his voice or any sign that he’s just humoring me. “You think so?”

“Absolutely.” A light sheen of sweat on his forehead shines in the moonlight when I glance up at him. “If you need a model, I’m totally willing to do nudes. Just keep them tasteful.”

“I’ve already seen pictures of you on the potty as a toddler. Not sure I could top that.”

He drops my hand to step over to one of the rails. “Look.”

A row of thin metal discs lie scattered a few inches apart. “I haven’t done that in years,” I laugh.

“You used to worry it’d derail the trains.”

“That’s because you told me it would.” I can remember the fear I felt that cold winter afternoon when he and Oliver spread coins over the train tracks. They had me convinced it would throw the train off the tracks. They laughed at me for the longest time before showing me the flattened coins after the train had passed.

Alden scoops them up and holds one in front of my face. “Kiss it so it’ll give me good luck.”

He’s so silly. I acquiesce, and he grins, sticking it in his pocket. He kisses the other one, then hands it to me. “Here. You keep one and I’ll keep the other. To commemorate this monumental night when you stopped being a goody two boobs and snuck out to party.”

“I’ll treasure it always.” Laughing, I tuck it into my pocket.

We both look up when a group of people step onto the tracks up ahead of us. They’re walking in the same direction—probably heading to the party too.

We’re almost there. Once the music and voices start being audible, I lick my lips. I need to have the guts to ask a question. “Den? Back at the fight, you told Ronin I was your girl. Did you mean it? I mean…do you want me to be your girlfriend?”

There’s a whooshing sound in my ears while I hold my breath. I’m sixteen and never had a serious boyfriend. I’ve never wanted anyone but Alden.

“I…” He glances sideways at me, then back to the ground while we walk. “It’s not a great crowd that hangs out there sometimes, and I wanted to make sure you were safe. That no one would mess with you.”

Disappointment is a physical weight on my chest. We’ve reached the bridge over Poke Creek, and I drop his hand.

---