Page 68 of The Wingman

“When you fell, you hit the chair.” She snaps her fingers. “You went out like that. I thought…I was…this isn’t your first concussion,” she says, her shaky words alluding to something, but my head is pounding so hard I can’t quite figure out what is going on.

A woman in a white coat enters and walks up to my bed. “Glad to see you’re finally awake.”

She pulls a pen light from her pocket and flicks it over my eyes. I wince. She turns her attention to my file and jots down a few notes. “We’re going to run a few more tests.”

“I don’t have time for that,” I say and try to push the blanket off me. The room tumbles before my eyes and the doctor puts her hand on me to settle me back on the bed. I try to shake it off, a measure of panic welling up inside me. This can’t be happening. This isn’t happening. “I need to hit the rink. We have a game coming up.”

Her lips pinch as she frowns, and she nods slowly, like she’s placating me. “I’m afraid you won’t be playing so soon. Your teammates have been here all night, and your brother Kane has already talked to your coach. You have swelling, and need rest.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Jesus Christ, is this some kind of a joke?”

“It’s not a joke, Mr. Lewis. Concussions are very serious and not something we take lightly here at Seattle General. Your team will have to get by without you, I’m afraid.”

“Not happening,” I say but collapse onto the bed when the room fades to a dark shade of gray. The doctor makes a few more notes, and stops at the door to talk to Jules. Her voice is low, and I don’t have the energy to strain to hear. I take a breath, then another. How the fuck is this happening? I have to play, hockey is my life…it’s my everything. Its why people like me.

It’s not why Jules likes you.

My heart crashes harder at that thought. Honest to God, I’m in love with a woman who cares nothing about hockey and I can’t fight it anymore—don’t want to fight it anymore. She’s a kind, caring woman who is brilliant, beautiful and fills my heart with hope and love. She’s everything to me, and has given my life a new purpose. I want to make her happy, want to see her smile every day, want to take care of her needs, and be a part of her big family. In fact, I want to start a family with her. But what does she want? I study her body language, the way she’s turned from me—a cold chasm between us—and a measure of unease creeps into my veins.

Okay, if she doesn’t care about hockey, why then, after finding out I can’t play, is she acting so distant? Jesus Christ, was she fucking with me? Pretending to dislike the game, when in reality it means as much to her as it does to her father? And now that I’m benched, for fuck knows how long, she’s distancing herself.

Is this really fucking happening?

Every worry, every old insecurity comes rushing back in a flurry, and once again, I’m reduced to that young boy nobody wanted, that parentless hellion who was unlovable. I breathe, but it feels like fire in my chest as I fill my aching lungs. My heart pounds harder, raw against my ribcage until the room closes in on me. I lower my lids, and work to sort through everything that’s happened in the last couple weeks.

“Your family is here to see you,” Jules says, after the doctor leaves.

“Jules…” I croak out.

“I have another patient I need to check on,” she says.

“You mean torture,” I tease, a last-ditch effort to make things right between us. I search her face, search for a nugget that tells me I’m wrong here—that there is more between us and she wants to act on it as much as I do. She steps back, widening the chasm between us. Fuck, she might as well have slammed me into the boards. Okay, I get it. I get where we stand.

The empty sensation in my stomach climbs higher, and bile punches into my throat. I love this woman, and I have to make this easy on her.

“So, you and Alek,” I begin. Wait, what was that Kane said about him setting it up. I try to quiet my trembling brain and figure it out, but can’t.

“Rider,” she begins. “I don’t want to go out with Alek.”

“Oh, okay then. Well, when I’m feeling better we can hit up Nelly’s, and I’ll resume my wingman duties.” Her body goes perfectly still, and I’m not even sure she’s breathing. “Jules?”

“Yeah, okay. Sounds great,” she says, and the next thing I know, she’s gone from my room and likely my life.

I put my hand over my head, my heart somewhere in the vicinity of my throat. Everything inside me hurts, and it’s not from my concussion. No, it’s because my career could very well be over, but more importantly, the woman I love doesn’t feel the same way about me as I do about her. Each breath rakes fire across my chest, and I fight the tears so hard they pound behind my eyes.

“Mom and Dad are here to see you,” Kane says and I open my eyes to see him and Lindsay coming into the room.

Keep it together, Rider.

Behind my bro and his girlfriend, I spot Marion and Arthur. Water pools in Marion’s eyes, and Arthur has his arm around her, supporting her like the great husband he is. Honestly, he’s shown us all what it’s like to be a good husband and a good father—something I desperately needed in my young life.

“Hey,” I say and try to inject a bit of enthusiasm into my voice.

Marion hurries to me. “Rider, we were so worried.”

“I’m okay,” I lie, knowing I’ll never be okay again.

Marion hugs me, and Arthur puts his hand on my shoulder. “You gave us a good scare there, son.”

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