Page 87 of The Playmaker

“How long have you known?”

A laugh catches in his throat. “Oh, since we were teens, and you used to take refuge at our house.” He glances at me, sorrow ghosting his blue eyes before he tears his gaze away, like he can’t bear to look at me. Like he’s responsible for the years of abuse.

“I should have said something, Cole. I should have told my parents.”

I give a hard shake of my head. “No. I didn’t want that. I didn’t want anyone to know. He wasn’t hurting Tabby, and I couldn’t risk being taken away, put in a foster home, away from you and Nina. I needed you guys. You were my family, my life. Still are.”

“I know, but still—”

“No, Cason. You did what I wanted you to do. I’d take a beating every day from that asshole if it meant being with you and Nina.” I put my hand on his shoulder. “Don’t do this.”

He nods, because he knows that’s not what I need from him. “So, my sister…”

“Don’t worry. I’ve backed off. I know I’m not the guy for her.” I scoff. “Not that she knows who I really am, anyway.”

He finishes the beer in his bottle and gestures the bartender for two more. “I think she knows more than you realize, and instead of running the other way, she bought you this. Kinda says a lot, don’t you think?”

I open my palm, stare at the helicopter. I might be an expert asshole, but I’m smart enough to understand what it represents. Nina knows the real me, and she likes that guy.

My heart races with the love I feel for her. How could I have been such an asshole? Here I thought she wouldn’t like the guy beneath the jersey—the guy who wasn’t even good enough for his own mother.

“It wasn’t your fault, Cole,” Cason says quietly, like he’s privy to my innermost thoughts.

My gaze jerks to his. “What?”

“Your mother. It wasn’t your fault. You were an innocent child, and she left for her own reasons. I know you’re the oldest by a few minutes, and that you feel responsible for everything that happened because of it, but this had nothing to do with you.”

“I was Tabby’s big brother. I should have been able to make Mom stay, at least for her.”

“No, Cole. This isn’t yours to own, and more likely than not, her leaving had everything to do with your father.”

“How does a mother just walk away like that, like we meant nothing to her?”

“I don’t know, but believe me, this is on her, not you. You’re worth loving Cole.” Cason puts his hand on my shoulder, and my heart pinches. “I fucking love you, bro.”

“I love you, too,” I say around a tight throat. I’d be lost without him, without Nina. I’d never do anything to hurt either one of them.

You hurt Nina.

“Jesus, what have I done?” I look at my best friend. “I totally fucked up.”

“Yeah, you did.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose and realize what’s going through his head. I fucked up when it came to our friendship.

Christ, not only did I make a mess of things with Nina and me. I fucked up my relationship with Cason. I can’t lose him. I just can’t. “I’m sorry, Cason. I tried not to touch her. I really did. I never wanted to do anything to jeopardize our friendship.”

Cason stands, and I slide from my stood. We stand eye to eye, and he puts his hands around my head and brings my forehead to his. “You fucked up, Cole, but not with me.”

“What?” Jesus, that’s the last thing I expected Cason to say.

“You shouldn’t have pushed Nina away. You fucking hurt her.”

“I’m such an asshole.”

“Yeah, you are.” He gives a long, slow exhale. “I’ve been beating guys off her for years. Do you have any idea why?”

“Because you’re her big brother, and that’s what big brothers do.”

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