Page 23 of Wherever My Heart Roams

"I don't know, maybe you should talk to Mama about that a little more." Martina leaned her elbow on the bed as she stretched out.

Beth stared at her a moment then nodded, "Maybe you are right. I still get butterflies in my stomach thinking about that part of it. I mean, when he kisses me, it does things to me"

"Like what?" Martina quizzed.

"I can't explain it, I feel like I go to mush. I feel, warm and fuzzy and I want him to keep on doing it. But…then again I don't. Mainly, because I don't know what comes next I mean…I guess I do, but how does it feel?"

"I didn't know falling in love was so…complicated!" Martina shook her head.

Beth didn't either, and the more she thought on it, the more she figured Martina was right. She needed to talk to her mother some more.

So as Martina readied herself for bed, Beth went to seek her mother out. Her mother was sewing in the rocking chair and glanced up when she saw that Beth wasn't in bed.

"You should get some sleep; tomorrow is going to be a hectic day." Her mother smiled at her.

Beth hesitated because her father was cleaning his shotgun by the fire. She pushed this picture of the two of them back into the farthest corner of her mind to recall at a later date.

"Can I talk to Mama, alone?" Beth asked him.

"I was wondering when you were going to do that. I'll be heading off to bed now," He leaned the distance to kiss his wife on the forehead as he took his gun with him to the bedroom.

She waited until she heard the bedroom door close before she spoke to her mother.

"Something bothering you dear?" Her mother didn't miss a stitch as she glanced up to look at her worried face.

"Mama, you told me about the birds and the bees, I mean the gist of it. But…I'm still a little nervous about that. Wade said he'd wait until I was ready for that, but…I want to know more."

"Like what dear?"

"How do I know when I'm ready?"

Her mother blushed then smiled slowly, "Well dear, I think your heart will tell you. You'll want to be with him that way. That's when you know you are ready."

"Does it hurt?"

Her mother blushed and put her sewing down, taking her daughters hands in hers as Beth sat down on the floor next to her chair.

"The first time can be a little traumatic if the man doesn't take the time to help you relax. A lot of it depends on him, and every man is different. And I won't lie, there is some pain, but it is so minor if he knows what he's doing. There will be some blood, but don't panic, it's normal. Just clean yourself later and think nothing of it. I think before you come together like that, you have to trust him."

"But I don't really know what to do…"

Again her mother got that far away look in her yes and a knowing smile. "The man knows what to do, darling. You can do one of two things, relax and enjoy it, or be quiet and let him take you anyway. It's a decision you have to make yourself. Once you give yourself to your husband, it will all come natural to you. It's not as complicated as you are making it. It's all about feelings and emotions. If you love him, it can be beautiful dear, if not, some women just tolerate it. It's that first time…that makes you hesitant. But darling, he will be your husband, and a good wife does have relations with her husband. Only with her husband, of course"

"Is it enjoyable, Mama?" Beth asked squeezing her hand for reassurance.

"Some say no, but I'd say yes, it is…if he cares for you."

"How will I know he cares for me?"

"You'll know dear, very quickly." Her mother stared into her worried face. "Don't you fret so about it. It sort of comes natural. And your Wade is old enough to know how to make it enjoyable for you. But land sakes child, get to know the man a little, trust him, and the rest will come."

"I've heard the expression, grin and bear it, Mama. What does that mean?" Beth asked scooting closer to her mother so no one else in the houses could hear them.

"That's how some women feel about it. Some women, by their own choice, don't enjoy it, or even like it, they tolerate it. But it has to do with your inner most feelings, honey and his. For it to be right, you gotta know you love him. And naturally, it is the only way to have children, so most women do submit."

"And how do you know you love him for sure?"

"Honey, aside from telling you what he'll do, I can't make the decision for you. But…when you wed, it is your duty to let him…have you. In the bible it says you 'become as one.' That's what making love is, becoming one, not two. It bonds you, makes you closer. You must cleave to him. When you take a mate, or husband, you must leave your folks and cleave to him. It's in the bible. But once you do have relations with him, you will cleave to him. It all comes natural."

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