Page 10 of Wherever My Heart Roams

"Of course he'll miss your work, he'll miss you, honey, but this is more important." Her mother assured her. "Your Pa gambled and he lost. I'm ashamed for him, but it's done, we can't take it back. This will save us from losing the house and it'll putting food on the table. Don't you see. He don't have the money to pay it back…" Her mother looked completely stressed now and Beth felt guilty. She'd always helped the family no matter what. "He could go to jail, if Mr. Cahill preferred charges."

She closed her eyes and tried not to let the tears squeeze through, but one fell on her cheek despite her effort.

Her mother came to hug her tight. "It's going to be just fine, you'll see."

"What if I can't love him, Mama?" Beth asked laying her head on her shoulder.

Her mother's words were like a whisper, "If a man treats you well, and takes care of you, you can't help but love him some, honey." She sat down on the bed now and pulled Beth closer. "Love comes in strange ways. Maybe that sounds funny to you, but you'll see. Sometimes you don't even realize how you feel something until something happens. Other times you just wake up one day and realize how much you care for them. And sometimes you fall in love the more you get to know them. You have to open your heart up. Love never comes to those who don't open their hearts. We tried to do right by you. He's a decent young man, and a Christian."

"And if he doesn't treat me well, what happens then?" She asked raising her head and her eyes getting bigger by the moment.

"Then you must go to the law."

"Can't I just come home?" Beth asked in a strangled voice.

Her mother turned her head, as though considering that for a moment. "Once a woman is married, it's hard to come home. I know that sounds strange to you, but once you've been on your own, you'll think twice about coming back permanently. It's never the same again." Her mother informed her. "You grow up when you marry and it's hard to come home and be a kid again. Besides, you won't want to be a kid again. What I'm sorry about is that you have wanted to stay a child. That just doesn't happen, Beth. You are twenty years old. With not a care in the world. It's time you grew up, honey. We all have to grow up, believe it or not."

"Maybe you should talk to Pa, maybe it's him that needs to grow up. Gambling me away like he did…"

The minute she said it, she was sorry, but her anger and sudden confusion led her to say and do things she'd never said before.

"But I'll work for Pa. I'll work real hard. I'll get a job. But not this…Perhaps I should have tried to find some work or something…I could pay the debt off myself."

"I'm afraid the decision has already been made, Beth" Her mother stood up, and took Joan who had been silent and staring all the while by the hand and started for the door. "Now get hold of yourself girl. You're a grown woman and you can handle this. You aren't a child any longer. Arranged marriages are still quite proper."

"We're talking about the rest of my life, Mama. I didn't even get to choose. Don't you feel just the least guilty for making me marry a man I don't even know?"

"I love your father, dear, and he's in trouble. I love you too. I raised you right. When the times come, you'll know what to do. Just remember how you was raised is all, and to follow your heart."

"But Mama…"

"I know dear, but you must make the best of it." As her mother walked out of the room, Beth felt the tears pouring down her cheeks. Her mother turned to look over her shoulder at her. "You know we all love you, but your of age now and it's time. You aren't doing anything about finding a man on your own. You still day-dream and play act, but it is time to live your life Beth. So your father and I are helping you."

"Helping me?"

"You'll see dear; in time you'll see…" Her mother said and walked away. "We're sort of forcing you to grow up."

Her mother left her with that.

Martina came to Beth and hugged her. "I don't know what to say to make you feel better. I thought you liked the man. The way you were talking outside."

"That was just play acting, Martina. I was just playing with you. Of course he's a handsome devil, but I don't know a thing about him. I gotta go live with him now and I'm not at all sure what that means. He's handsome, but like you said, doesn't mean he's a good man." Beth cried

"Well think about it, he doesn't know nothing about you either."

Beth looked at Martina and smiled shyly. "I guess you are right about that."

"Are you scared?"

"Yes I'm scared. I'm not ready to be married." Beth cried. "At least I don't think I am. Talking about marriage was like talking about getting something big for Christmas, you never get anything big for Christmas."

"Jacob got a horse, last Christmas."

"Well, that was an exception. The horse was half lame anyway, if Jacob hadn't coddled it, it would have died, I'm sure."

"He sure did nurse that horse. Gotta hand it to him, he was good at it too. Too bad he can't be one of them animal doctors."

Beth nodded but couldn't take her mind off her own troubles. "Look, before it was just a dream. And not about a stranger, but someone who loved you and you loved them. That's the way it's supposed to be. Isn't that what she always taught us?"

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