Page 46 of Heartache Duet

She stretches her arms in the air, then settles them behind her. “I remember it fondly.” Nose in the air, she adds, “It was the morning of August—”

I reach over and cover her mouth, gently push until she’s on her back, another new excuse to touch her. “You’re such a smart-ass.”

“You love it,” she mumbles beneath my palm.

With her heavy breath against my hand, our eyes lock, stay. And I don’t know why my mind chooses now of all times, why the urge I’ve held on to for so long is at its strongest.

I want to kiss her.

In so many ways.

For so many hours.

My gaze drifts to her throat, the movement sharp as she swallows.

I could kiss her there.

“Connor?” she whispers beneath my touch, her eyes drifting shut.

I could kiss her there, too.

She reaches up, yanks at my wrist to uncover her mouth.

I could kiss her there the most.

“We can’t do what you’re thinking right now.”

My heart sinks. “Why?”

Hand pressed to my chest, she pushes me away and sits up. She refuses to look at me when she says, “Because we can’t.”

And I have no other words but a repetition of “Why?”

“Because,” she starts, looking out onto the field, then down at her feet, at her hands, anywhere but at me. “Because my life is complicated enough as it is.”

“I’m not here to complicate things, Ava. If anything, I want to help.”

“I’m not a charity case.”

I shake my head. Sigh out loud. “That’s not what I meant.”

The warning bell sounds, and I curse under my breath.

Ava’s quick to stand. “We should go.”

* * *

I don’t see Ava for the rest of the day, and she doesn’t respond to my texts all afternoon. I’m tempted to go knock on her door to finish our conversation, but I remember what she told me about her mom’s reaction to knocking, so I force myself to let it go until the next morning.

Sleep eludes me, and just when I’ve tossed and turned for the millionth time, legs kicking out in frustration, my phone goes off.

Ava: I can’t date. I don’t even know what the meaning of dating is for people our age, but I know that I can’t do it. My life outside of school is… my life. My priority. I can’t be that girl for you. I can’t be the girl on the sidelines cheering you on. I can’t be the one you hold hands with when you go out to celebrate all your wins or commiserate all your losses. I can’t be the one you bring home to meet your dad or the one you call when you have off days. I can’t be anything more than I am right now. Which means *we* can’t be anything more. And as much as I hate it, as much as it hurts, I know in my heart that’s what you deserve. And it doesn’t matter how much I want you or how hard I’ve fallen for you. Because I have, Connor. In all the possible ways that absolutely terrify me, I’ve fallen for you. But nothing good can come of this. There’d be no happy ending to our story. There’d be an intense beginning, a shaky middle, and then heartache. And we’ve both been through enough heartache to last a lifetime.

TWENTY-ONE

ava

I spent first period in the girls’ bathroom because I was too afraid to face Connor.

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