Page 48 of Pieces Of You

He responds by throwing up in the toilet bowl, again and again, his entire body convulsing with the urges. I get to my feet, look down on him. For someone who swore black and blue that they didn’t consume alcohol, Dean sure is suffering the aftermath of said consumption.

I wish I could say that I’m surprised, but I’mseriouslynot. If life has taught me anything, it’s that people lie for a plethora of reasons. And those lies become so viscerally inked beneath our flesh, like black tar heroin swarming through our bloodline, dark and destructive, ruining us from the inside out.

“Seriously, how do I clean that shit up?” Holden moans, now leaning against the doorway of the bathroom. He runs a hand down his face, eyes to the ceiling. “My mom’s going to bepissed.”

“I got it,” I tell him, moving around him. Over my shoulder, I add, “Just watch him. Make sure he doesn’t choke on his own vomit.”I leave them in the room, my past colliding with my present, and then I do the one thing I know I was born to do: I bury the burden of bad habits.

It takesa half-hour to clean up the mess Dean had gifted us with, and when I’m done, I go back to the bathroom. Holden’s on his phone, leaning against the bathtub while Dean lies in a fetal position by his feet. When I was wiping his vomit from the carpet, I heard Dean puke a few more times, and each one came with Holden’s own gagging sounds.

Holden glances up at me, his nose scrunched. “Your boy puked all over his clothes,” he tells me, lightly kicking his passed-out friend.

“Yourboy,” I reply. Then add through a sigh, “He was never really mine.”

With a huff, Holden stands. “Now, what do we do?”

I step over Dean to get to the sink and wash my hands. “I should probably get him in the shower.”

“So…” He shoves his phone in his pocket; his eyes narrowed, jaw working when he says, “You’re going to see him naked?”

Our eyes lock through the mirror in front of me, and I can see the indecision there. I stop myself from overthinking it, from creating something out of nothing. “Why?” I break the stare and look down at my hands, focus on scrubbing them clean. “You jealous?”

Warmth coats my back as he curls his arm around my middle, pulling me against him. He drops a kiss on my shoulder and waits until I look up before asking, “Do I have a reason to be?”

I turn in his arms, flatten my wet hands on his chest. “Not even a little bit.”

Lips kicked up at the corners, he tightens his hold, lowers his mouth to mine. They’ve barely touched when Dean’s groan forces us to pull apart. “Dude, I’m so fucked.”

“No shit, Sherlock,” Holden cracks, his eyes never leaving mine.

I peer down at Dean as he says, eyes closed and lips barely moving, “I keep thinking Jamie’s here, but, like, why would she be?”

Holden starts to speak, but I cover his mouth, stopping him. Whatever Dean has to say in his drunken state, I want to hear it. “That would be the worst…” he mumbles. “Her seeing me like this.”

Pulling back, Holden gently grasps my wrist, lowers it between us. “Why’s that?”

My lungs begin to shrink, my heart hammering against my chest. I try to push Holden away, try to get out of his hold. He doesn’t let me. And so I do the only thing I can think to do: I lower my head so he doesn’t see the tears I’m fighting to restrain.

I cannot break down.

Not now.

Not in front of both of them.

“Her mom was a drunk,” Dean says, and they’re such simple words that create such immense pain. “It’s what killed her.”

24

Jamie

I don’t even hearHolden approaching until he flops down beside me. I’m in his living room, on his couch, sitting in the semi-darkness with a pen and notepad I’d found on his kitchen counter.

I have no idea how long I’ve been here.

At some point, I heard the shower switch on, and everything after that is a blur.

Usually, when I feel this way—as if the entire earth is collapsing beneath my feet—I clean. I clean until there’s nothing left but memories too ingrained to erase.

But... this isn’t my house, and besides, there’s nothing physical about the filth I was momentarily forced to drown in.

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