Page 110 of A Dark Duet

“I know that, but this is the best way.”

“I can’t let you go.”

I tilt my head, holding back the tears. “You already let me go. I slept in a motel until I could make enough in a week dancing to get an apartment after I left. While you were living your dream, I was dealing with my demons alone in the dark. You didn’t come looking for me to see if I was okay and now I know why. Leaving with Janine to lunch that day at the gym when you asked me to leave, that hurt, Jaden. It was mean and cruel but it was your way of ending things and I respected it.”

I’m tired of putting myself out there. I may never get over him, but I cannot just fall to his feet because he wants me on his terms. He doesn’t get to choose and he sure as hell isn’t going to get to decide. He may have a dark past that I know nothing about, and I appreciate him trying to show me he cares by bringing me into his home. His sanctuary. But caring for someone is not the same as loving them. My heart has been put through the fucking grinder and I’m tired.

“You were never a distraction. I told you I was sorry, and I made a mistake.”

“And I have accepted your apology and I totally understand. I know you care about me, but you can’t risk yourself defending me. The last thing I need is for you to risk your title or career because of me.”

“Why do you keep saying that?” he says through clenched teeth.

“Because I’m not worth anything to anyone and you made it very clear I wasn’t worth shit to you,” I quip, rising from my chair, leaving the key to his Zenvo and money for my meal under the fountain drink, making sure to leave the napkin with his number on it on the table.

“What are you doing?” he asks as I walk away to an awaiting Uber. “Where are you going, Brie?” He quickly gets up from his chair.

I stop and turn around with my hand on the rear passenger door of the white Toyota Corolla before opening it. “To my apartment, and don’t worry about me sleeping. I’ve been dealing with my shit alone for a while,” I say as I slide into the car, watching him place his hands over his head as he watches the car drive away.

I’m sure he hadn’t noticed me ordering an Uber, but it was my plan while he went to grab a napkin. What happened in the locker room should have never happened and it was pure need mixed with lust stemming from a bad situation that triggered me. In his honesty, how he feels toward love hurts, but it is better to know they are incapable of loving you back. He has protected me and has never hurt me physically but what he has never done with his fists, he has done with his words.

When I left his house that morning, I took my bag with me and ended up taking them to my apartment before heading out to the clinic where I will be treating my first patient and combat fighter, Xavier “The Sergeant” Morales. My focus is on my career and the fact that Giselle agreed to hang out when he invited me out as friends this Friday. I need a change of pace and some fresh air. It is the beginning of my career; I just hope that when I go there tomorrow, they can offer me some type of payment plan so I don’t have to depend solely on dancing at Equinox until I fulfill my requirements. I was recently awarded my title of doctor by completing all my course requirements and hours required in my core program, but I still have to complete Xavier’s therapy at the clinic, dubbed clinical hours. Then I have to find a permanent position, so I am permanently leaving dancing at Equinox behind.

I was so excited to hear the news that I finally earned the title of doctor of physical therapy. I did it. When I called Giselle, she was so excited. That is when she agreed to hang out with me and celebrate, including my new friend/patient. She assured me Nate didn’t mind and that Nate, Jaden, and the team would be busy training until late on the Friday night we had planned on going out.

After thirty minutes, the Uber drops me off and I enter my apartment and get ready for tomorrow. I text Ethan to ask him if he indeed has my apartment bugged like Jaden suggested.

Me: If you have my apartment bugged. I think that is really creepy.

Ethan Carter: I don’t but I do have GPS on the Bentley for your safety.

Me: Fair enough.

Ethan is an attractive man. There is no doubt about that with his chiseled physique, tattoos all over his body with the dark Mafia thing going on, but not my type and the fact a woman has to compete with a dead wife. Double pass.

Ethan Carter: Are you ok? I’m displeased with the incident involving a Mr. Crew.

Me: What are you going to do? Hang him? Chinese torture?

Ethan: Maybe?

Me: Fine. Whatever.

Ethan: Was his tongue better than mine?

You have to be fucking kidding me. I should have never told him everything, but I was still reeling from what happened and I assured him Jaden took care of Crew and my needs afterward. I was totally honest because of our agreement. If he wanted to end the arrangement, I was fine with it but he told me he understood.

Me: I’m not going to answer that. It is none of your business.

Ethan: That is where you are wrong. You are my business.

Me: If your wife was still alive and walked into a room. Would you choose me? Would we still have an agreement?

Setting my phone down on my nightstand, I know I hit a hard spot mentioning his wife and I did it with the sole purpose for him to back off. I make sure I remove my clothes in the bathroom to take a shower. He didn’t respond as quickly as before and I know the answer to that question. How easily he can say he is falling for me when he pledges his undying love to his dead wife. It would be heart wrenching to fall for a man who will always be in love with his dead wife and would choose that love if given that chance. You would always be second in his feelings, living in the shadow of a dead woman, knowing the man belongs to a dead woman.

When I return to my room, I take a peek at my phone to see if I received an answer from Ethan. Of course, no answer. Just as I thought, I’m a substitute for what he is missing and that is okay because I have no feelings for him. Whatever I did was transactional and never would have happened if… I was with Jaden. If we were still together, I would never look at someone else because I was so in love with him.Maybe you still are.

Double-checking that my apartment is locked, and I have my bat, I return to my room and get ready to go to bed, waiting for the memories to come and haunt me with a vengeance. Sitting up on my bed, I look at the darkness of my walls, the black sheets of my bed, the black furniture, and envy the dead woman probably buried in the black dirt of the cemetery. I don’t envy that she is dead, but I envy her for the love of having someone who would do anything to have you back.

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