Jaden slides a finger to wipe away tears I hadn’t realized were falling down my cheeks. My hands wipe at my face and I sniffle, laughing, trying to play it off. “I’m sorry, I love it. I just never thought… I would have a closet besides the one in an apartment. I was thinking when you said I looked like a Barbie.”
He looks confused and I continue, “When I was little I used to think I was a Barbie and I would role-play when I was little because I knew I would never get to play with a real Barbie doll. I never had a closet or clothes from a store. My clothes were donated by people who didn’t want them, or they didn’t fit. I never had a Christmas tree or a birthday party like other kids. My mother said those things weren’t important or that I didn’t deserve them.”
Jaden stays quiet and stands next to me while I look at rows upon rows of the most beautiful clothes with their matching shoes and handbags. The smell of the closet reminds me of when he took me to those boutiques to shop. The smell of expensive leather and perfume or when you open a Vogue magazine, and the scent of perfume in the samples as you turn the pages.
My eyes wander to a chaise in the middle of the room and I wonder how I would fit into a world that has all the luxuries a woman could ever want. He said last night he loves me but that could have been in the heat of the moment or maybe he thinks it’s what I need to hear. Jaden always felt sorry for me because we come from a similar background. We come from nothing. The last thing I want is for him to think he needs to say words he doesn’t feel. He thinks he needs to save me. What is the point of saving me when I’m already lost? The proof is when I go to sleep and the night terrors remind me.
My mind is still reeling at seeing the fairy-tale closet with the beautiful designer clothes but I had a taste of this type of life with the fancy cars. And in just one moment, I was reminded it was given for a short time. They were given to me because he wanted to be with me and when he didn’t want me, they became reminders of what I was at the time. Temporary.
Stepping back, I hit the button and the glass turns back to a white frost. “Brie, are you alright?” Jaden asks.
“I-I’m fine. It is just overwhelming.”
“What? Brie, did I do something wrong?”
Shaking my head, I say, “No. You have been great. I’m just confused or maybe I’m scared.”
I don’t know what to make of it and the voice in my head keeps whispering in my head. It is my mother’s voice telling me when I was a teenager, “Men only want you for your looks and body.You’re just a whore and that is all you will ever be. Men will see you as nothing more. You are just a whore. It is all you're good at and when they tire of you, they will kick you out of their lives and replace you. You mean nothing. You’re a whore who will end up dancing for money. A stupid whore. No one will ever see you as nothing but trailer trash. You’re a stupid girl with a stupid fantasy. No boy will ever love you. No one can love a whore. Now go lie down and make me money.”
Tears fall and I sniff and grab my stuff. The words echo in my head like a mantra. My mother’s words and the guys back home chanting that I’m a whore. I can’t even pay for school without dancing for money. “Brie, wait. Where are you going?”
“I-I’m sorry, Jaden, but this is a mistake. I need to go. I need to leave.”
“No,” he says and grabs me hard without hurting me, my clothes, bag, and phone scattering on the floor. “You are not leaving. Stop acting like this. You need to stop and talk to me.”
My chest rises and falls and I feel like I can’t breathe. My hands tremble and I look up at him, but my eyes are blurry. “What do you want with me? Are you not done with me?”
His grip on my arm loosens and I begin to sniffle as I remove my clothes until I’m naked. He looks at my body and then watches as I lie on the bed.
“Brie? Talk to me. What the fuck was that all about?” he says in a hard tone.
“If you’re not done with me, then get it over with so I can go home. I don’t need fancy clothes or you to dress me up. Just get what you paid for and I’ll leave.”
“You think I’m paying for you to be my whore?” His eyes are like stone and the anger is radiating off of him in waves.
He looks at me naked on his bed and he grips my chin with his forefinger and thumb. “Look at me, Briana,” he says in a stern tone. When my eyes find his, his soften. “Who told you that you were my whore?”
Sniffling, I look at his handsome face and sharp jaw. “Isn’t that what you paid for last night? A whore?”
He scoffs. His face turns into a scowl, and I stiffen because Jaden angry is a force to be reckoned with. “First, I don’t pay to be with a woman. Second, I don’t need to. There are things you don’t know about me, things that I’m part of that grant me access to certain things or allow me to get away with certain things I’m not very proud of, but there are things I have had to do to survive. You are a survivor, Briana. I don’t think you are my whore and I never want you to use that term to describe yourself. The last thing you will ever be considered is a whore and whoever uses that term and your name in the same sentence is going to deal with me. Understood?”
I nod but my hands shake because I’m cold.
He wraps me in his arms and whispers, “I know I have made a lot of mistakes when it comes to you but believe me, I never meant to hurt you. I thought you would like the closet with all the beautiful things you deserve. I want you to feel pretty. It was never meant to insult you or make you think I’m buying you. I said I paid for you last night to get you to stay in the room with me. I am not trying to pay you for sex or a lap dance. I want to have sex with you because I’m in love with you.”
The warmth of his body is welcoming and his muscles bulge as he holds me. “When I realized I lost you, I had them expand the closet and make room for you because I knew you belonged with me, but I was too much of a coward to find you. Maybe, deep down, I was waiting for you to come back. I know I’m an asshole and I don’t deserve you. It will take time for you to trust me, and I get that, but please don’t ever think I view you as a whore. Please stay. I haven’t even given you the birthday presents you missed.”
My brows pinch and I look up at him. “You don’t have to get me birthday presents.”
He smiles. “Yes, because I have a feeling not many people have given you birthday presents. I owe you a lifetime of those.”
He moves to the closet and finds a fluffy designer robe with matching slippers, and I get dressed. Clara has already left. He guides me to the garage. When the doors open, sitting with pink bows are three white cars. A white lifted jeep with big tires, a white Porsche 911 Carrera, and a white Ferrari. All three convertibles. There are balloons on each of them that have pictures of Barbie on them. I gasp when I realize these are some of the real-life modern cars Barbie has driven throughout the years from when I was a little girl.
“Oh, Jaden,” I say softly.
He wraps his arms around my waist. “You can’t be Barbie without her jeep, Porsche or Ferrari,” he says.
My hands are both covering my mouth in disbelief. When I approach the cars, I look inside and there are Barbie dolls inside from every year since I was born with the dream house and boat.