Page 38 of Abduction
Chapter Twenty-One
Amber
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ILAY THERE IN BED, tossing and turning, wishing there was an off-switch to my brain so I could just get some fucking rest.
I had been doing everything I could to get to sleep tonight, and it still felt as though it wasn’t working. My mind was running at a hundred miles an hour, and it was as though it would explode if I didn’t get it to turn off soon. What the hell was going on? Why couldn’t I pull myself together? I felt like I was losing it...
But the truth was, I wasn’t going to be able to get over it, until I got a chance to see Josh again. It was him I couldn’t forget. Every second I had been with Aaron, I had found myself silently comparing him to Josh, feeling beyond guilty for even letting it cross my mind, but how could it not?
Kissing him, being with him, having him focus all his attention on me had been exciting in a way nothing else in my life was. Nobody had pursued me like he did, and, even though I was engaged, I couldn’t help but find myself turned on by it. He could have had any girl in the city, hell, the whole country, but yet he was only interested in me.
Or he had been, up until last week. He had moved on now, and I supposed it was for the best. I should have known better than to let myself get so invested in someone I hardly knew, especially someone I was certain I couldn’t give myself over to the way I really wanted. Even if I had found some way to convince myself to slide into bed with him without being overwhelmed by guilt, I was sure it would have blown up in my face sooner or later, and I was very much not in the mood to find out how it went.
Anyway. I sighed, rubbed a hand over my face, and turned over in bed. My vibrator was in the table next to me, and I had thought about using it all night, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to think about anyone but Josh if I did. I couldn’t risk it. The thought of...ugh, the thought of making myself come to the thought of him was exciting, but already more than I could handle. If I let him dig himself any deeper into my head, I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to get out at all, and I didn’t much like the thought of it.
I had to think about what came next. I had to think about myself, my studies, the marriage I was about to sign myself up for—even if the last one scared the shit out of me right now. Because I was already finding myself drawn to other men, and we hadn’t even actually officially settled down together. Was it so easy for me to lose interest and get bored? So easy for me to forget how much I had put into this relationship? How much I was relying on him to take care of me...?
I was so damn ungrateful, and I hated myself for it. I would have done anything to wipe this part of me from my mind, but I didn’t see how it would be possible. Maybe I was just built to be unfaithful, and there was nothing I could do to stop it, even if I tried with all my might. All of this had started because I didn’t trust him, but maybe I had been projecting my own stuff on to him, my own desires to be with someone else. I was a damn hypocrite, and I needed to accept it.
I flipped over and looked at the bedside table. Aaron was still downstairs playing games, and I figured he wouldn’t be up for a long time yet. Maybe if I just...got it out of my system, I would be able to think straight again. Maybe...
I pulled open the drawer and was about to reach inside when something stopped me—the sound of footsteps on the stairs. I quickly stuffed my hand back under the covers, not wanting to be caught in the act of even considering masturbating to another man.
I closed my eyes and feigned sleep. I really didn’t want him trying to make another move on me. I wasn’t in the mood at all, and I knew any time he touched me, I was going to pull away and make it obvious there was something wrong. The something wrong, of course, being the memory of Josh burned into my brain like a brand I couldn’t quite heal yet.
“...yeah, she’s asleep,” I heard Aaron’s voice come through the door, quiet. I furrowed my brow. Was he talking about me? If he was, who the hell was he talking to? I sat up a little and pricked my ears.
“I miss you too, but I’ll be seeing you soon, babe, I promise,” he continued. My heart sank. He was...he was talking to another woman. Telling her he missed her.
As I continued to listen in on their conversation, I felt my stomach twist further and further into a knot. He was telling her he missed her, how much he wanted to see her again, how much fun they were going to have when they did...he wasn’t holding back, he wanted her to know it all. But...
But I had managed to convince myself for so long there was nothing happening. And Kimmy had been so insistent about it, too, assuring me I was overthinking and that I was crazy. But here, now, I had the proof I had been waiting for for so long, the proof I needed to tell me he was fucking around on me behind my back.
I waited for the sadness to hit, or the anger, or anything, but instead, I just lay there and listened to him. I wanted to be vindicated, at least, but the closest thing I could feel was relief. Relief I wasn’t as insane as I had thought I was, relief I was actually right about it all along.
I pulled the covers up to my chin and stared at the ceiling. What now? What the hell did we do now? Did I confront him and let him know I had heard him chatting up his girlfriend over the phone? Did I go out there and admit to him I had been interested in someone else, too, so maybe we were just as bad as each other? I wanted an answer. I needed one. I had never been so lost as for what to do in all my life before, and I felt as though my whole body was about to cave in from the sheer stress of it.
A hollowness rose in my guts as the future I had planned for myself went sliding away before I could get a hold on it. I—this was the man I was going to spend my life with, and he was seeing someone else. Was that what he had always planned? Always expected for us? I didn’t have a damn clue. Maybe I should have known better than to let him get away with this for so long, but what was I supposed to do? Every time I had tried to get to the bottom of it, either he or Kimmy had deflected it before I had been able to get a hold of myself.
I shifted in the bed, and felt something balled up beneath the covers. Shit. He’d made the bed the night before last, and he never did it right. There would always be some pillowcase or something wedged in the wrong spot.
I stood up, not caring if he heard me moving around in there, and pulled back the sheets.
Instead of the pillowcase or errant sock I had expected to see there, a mound of bright yellow fabric was crammed beneath the sheets. It looked familiar, though I was having a hard time working out where I had seen it before. I reached down to pick it up, shaking it out so I could get a better look at it—and a shock of realization hit me as soon as I worked out what I was holding.
It was the dress. The dress Kimmy had been trying to convince me to buy for myself when she had last seen me. We’d been out shopping together, and she had told me how sexy I would look in that dress, before she got it for herself...
No. No fucking way. My eyes widened as the implications of all of this came piling down on my head. I couldn’t stop them. There must have been some kind of mistake. Maybe we had gotten our washing mixed up with someone else’s or something, but there was no way this dress could belong to who I thought it did.
Okay, now the panic was hitting hard. I heard him laughing into the phone, barely even bothering to keep his voice down. I scrunched the dress into a ball in my hands, cursing myself for thinking for a split fucking second I could trust either of them. Of course Kimmy had been trying her best to convince me nothing was going on, because sheknewit was—with her. She was the one fucking around on me. She was the one double-crossing me, right along with my fiancé. My best friend, the one person I was supposed to be able to trust...I could have screamed.
I inhaled deeply and gritted my teeth. Neither of them were going to get away with this for another second. I was tired of being made to look like an idiot, and it ended here. How long had this been going on? How many weeks, months had they been seeing each other behind my back and telling me to my face there was nothing for me to worry about? All those nights I had called Aaron and asked him where he was, and he had so sweetly reminded me he was at the office, saving up money for our future...?
