Page 42 of The Love You Hate
Felix clears his throat in that awkward way he does when he has to tell me something uncomfortable. “I don’t know what’s going on in your life, because I never really do, but almost dying gave me a perspective I didn’t have before.”
“Don’t go all soft on me, Felix. I love you, too. Man.”
“That’s it, though. The things that you regret at the end aren’tthings. I know that now. They’re people. And I’m not talking about the drunk, one-night stands you never called. I’m talking about the ones that got away. You rarely take advice from anyone, but I now have the unique perspective of almost dying, and I don’t want you to have regrets.” He stays silent for a beat. “Don’t think I’m picking on you, either. I’m calling all my friends and acquaintances and delivering this solid advice after coming back from the light.” I can hear his smile, and it makes me grin. Even if his words and their meaning soak in like acid. “But I do feel like you’re one that got away.”
Dread settles in my stomach. “Thanks, man. You know things in that area are complicated for me. I didn’t get away, I’m just floating for a bit.” My family doesn’t know exactly what kind of training I went through to become a Charge Man, but they know when I finished the program I was… different—off, in all ways concerning emotion. I think they think it’s an act, or something I can control like a switch. They’d be horrified if they knew the truth of what I went through. “Don’t worry. I’ll always circle back for you.”
“What about for her?” My eyes widen in shock.
“Who?”
Felix sighs. “You know who as well as I do. I may not be a Charge Man, but even I can figure out how my life came to be saved, Nate. I knew just enough to connect the dots.” This is not only against every rule and potentially illegal, it’s downright dangerous for Felix to know this information. “Don’t worry, I’d never speak this out loud to anyone except you.” Another long sigh. “And as much animosity I have toward the… family, I understand the sacrifice someone made to go this far for me. Which I think may have been more for you.” Nearly dying obviously gave him iconic clarity. “Am I close?” I remain quiet—breathing in and out. “I thought so,” Felix whispers. “People, not things,” he says once more. “Visit us soon. Willow misses you.”
Relieved he doesn’t seem to want to pry anymore, I agree, knowing full well it will be a while before I can leave her again. Well, unless Gray gets me removed which is a real possibility. I wouldn’t even fault them. I’m weak and getting weaker by the second. After I hang up the call, I switch on the audio at Presley’s house to stark silence. Panicked, I check the time. She must have left early for Spankies. As long as I’m somewhere near when she’s heading to her Jeep at the end of the night, she’ll be safe. I shower, change clothes, grab my work computers and phones and get ready to stake out the parking lot.
I arrive at the run-down strip club as the sun sets, and immediately seek out her Jeep. It’s parked underneath the only streetlight, which is flickering. “Incredibly safe,” I rasp, surveying the tree line surrounding the building, and realize anyone could hide near her vehicle and pop out and snatch her. “Gold Hawke’s finest.” Exhaling, I try not to picture the scene inside. This is Presley’s thing. What did she say? Be a supportive friend? Which is hard when I’m wondering what she’s wearing, and she’s not bugged so I can’t hear what she’s saying or the music that’s playing, or the insane conversations she’s having. That’s normal, I remind myself. This is what it would feel like if she was my girlfriend.
I don’t have time to ponder why I’m thinking obtrusive significant other words because Frank stumbles from his parked car and into the club. He is barely coherent enough to show his ID to the bouncer at the door. Well, that complicates things. I’d hazard a guess Rayleen will be the one hiding with her shotgun at night’s end. Gritting my teeth, I contend with the possibility that I’ll have to actually go inside. There’s a woman walking at a quick clip up the street and heads to the back entrance of Spankies. She must have parked in a different lot so her car wouldn’t be seen here. She takes down a hoodie and I recognize her as the blonde woman from the concert. Her gaze darts around to make sure no one sees her going in, and the pit in my stomach grows. The intuition I’ve honed over countless years in this thankless job, piques instantly. It’s left me with another sense. One that predicts malevolence. I have my work computer with me. It has all the files on the residents, but I don’t want to wait. Rather, the vibe I’m getting off the combination of people inside right now is such that I want to lay eyes on Presley right now, my own desires be damned. Charge Man mode activated. Forgettingeverythingelse is imperative. I let my boss know in a quick email that tonight’s report will be late, and move the electronics out of view.
I give my truck a once-over, lock the doors, and keep my head down as I approach the bouncer. He’s sitting on a stool drinking Bud, talking on the phone. He doesn’t even look at my face when I hand over my ID. I slip it back into my wallet and slink into the low lights. The music isn’t playing at the moment, so it has to be in between dancers. It’s been years since I’ve been in a place like this and it’s hard not to feel out of place as I survey the room. First, I look for Presley, but it’s easy to tell she’s not here because there are only blondes on the floor. By floor, I mean on the small raised stages with poles littered throughout the nicotine-coated walls. There’s a hint of musk in the air, and as gross as it would be in any other circumstance, it works here. Because despite what Presley understands, this place is a fucking sex den. I eye the back rooms and concern for her pangs sharp and swift. What if she’s not strong enough to fight back if someone forces her into something? I breathe out.Protect the heartbeat.That’s all I’m responsible for—nothing else.
“Can I get you something, big daddy?” a small voice rasps at my ear. Too close. I cringe back, spinning to face a… waitress. Half her face is covered in a mask, but blue eyes flick up to meet mine. “I’m Izzy,” she says, smiling wide. “Can I get you something to drink?” Izzy bats her lashes as she bounces her saggy tits punctuated with black tassels.
“Water,” I growl, letting my gaze wander from her to the woman taking the main stage as the music starts. “No ice,” I add. Izzy runs her pointer finger down my forearm as she walks away and I can’t help but feel like she was claiming me in front of the other circling waitresses. I turn my attention back to the stripper who is wearing a neon pink top and a matching thong. Her clear shoes are so high they make her calves appear bent in an unnatural way. Blessedly, I don’t react at all, in any way. Curiosity is also a factor in a place like this. Presley sets every nerve standing on end, and I can’t control what she does to me, but other women? Flat, lifeless, caricatures. How I’m supposed to feel about Presley, I think. The woman sliding the pole between her ass cheeks doesn’t do anything for me.
The blonde woman in a hoodie is at the bar, a man sits next to her, eyes lifeless as he watches the stage closest to him. This isn’t the same man she was with at the concert, which is probably why she seems to want to hide. After a brief moment, I recognize him as one of the guys who was on stage that night watching us. Frank is in front of the main stage shoving bills into a pink G-string as the stripper claps her ass in his face. If Rayleen walks in now there might actually be a murder. Izzy returns with a water, and I slip her some bills. She tries to linger, engaging me in conversation, but I move away, searching for a seat where I can see everything including the doors. There’s a dark corner with a booth that has a view of almost everything. As I sit, pushing the plastic cup of water across the table without drinking. Presley peeks her head around the corner of a half wall that must lead to the dressing room. Even though I only see her face, my hands are shaking in my lap.
