Page 37 of The Love You Hate
“You don’t know me, Nate. You don’t. I let you have your secrets without question because I also have mine.”
“Fine,” he says, exhaling. “Fine. I need to pack.”
That’s my cue to leave, and I do have a ton to do now, but I’m not going to leave him. “Alright, well why don’t I get started on dinner and you can go clean up and pack or do whatever you need to do?”
He shakes his head. “Okay.”
“Why was that an exasperated okay instead of I’m grateful for you, Presley?”
“You make it hard to not want you.”
This is where I want to throw myself at him and tear off his clothes as quickly as possible, but he accused me of making things hard, so I choose another path. “Tell me exactly what I make hard, Nate Sullivan.” I wink, lick my lips and growl at him like a tiger.
“Oh, that was your worst joke ever. Be ashamed.” Now we’re back on familiar footing. “There are leftovers you can heat up in the fridge,” he says before disappearing into the bathroom. The door closes, but pops open because he didn’t latch it.This is your chance, maybe your only chance, to see him naked, the rude voice whispers from the crass side of my mind. After everything I’ve learned tonight, I’m still obsessed with Nate’s body. With seeing the parts that are always covered. It’s a little skeevy, and wrong, especially because he’s finally opening up and trusting me, but I can’t help it. If I lean against the wall adjacent to the bathroom, I can see the mirror through the slit in the door. A sliver of flesh-colored skin is visible, then another, and I recognize his neck, side of his face, and then his eyes meet mine in the mirror. I panic and flee to the kitchen like a child caught breaking a rule.
We’re adults who for all intents and purposes are attracted to each other, but we’ve made our attraction forbidden so now I feel guilty as I microwave leftovers and move around the kitchen to find the things we’ll need for dinner. The name of the drug I need to find crosses my mind every few seconds, and that’s the only thing distracting me from his naked body. The muscles. The man they’re attached to. I have to make this right even if it’s already labeled impossible. My father destroyed so many lives in his pursuit of success that even if I manage to right a couple, it would be something.
I’m staring at a plate of tacos growing cold when Nate wanders in wearing a pair of gray sweatpants and a tank top. “Enjoy the show?”
“What show?” I ask, deep in thought.
“I saw you acting like a Peeping Tom. No need to lie now.” He smiles. “You’re a real perv.”
“If you’d just get naked and show me, I wouldn’t have to snoop around to catch small glimpses here and there.” That shocks him into silence for a few seconds. “Show me now and I’ll leave you alone forever.”
Shaking his head, he sits in front of the plate I put in front of the chair opposite me. “What if I don’t want you to leave me alone forever?”
“Well, then I guess you just get to deal with me stalking around your house when you’re naked.”
“You realize how insane that sounds, right?”
I nod, shrug, and fill my mouth with food. Chewing, in thought, trying to come up with a few different plans to get the drug I need. More, I’m trying to think if I know anyone who can open the company back up to start producing again. All of my contacts are lost with my old identity, and it will go against all the rules I agreed to when I went into the protection program. “I do, and I also know you don’t care if I’m insane.”
He doesn’t argue, which tells me I’m right. “Friends don’t stalk naked friends.”
“Speaking of naked friends, does your ex-girlfriend live in Montana? Near your family?” It doesn’t come out as suave as I hoped it would.
He licks his lips. “Are you asking if I’m going to bang my ex while I’m home and sad?”
“No. Yes. Kind of,” I reply. “It would make perfect sense. That’s how it happens. You go home and see her after a long time and old feelings come back. You can’t help yourself so you kiss, but then that feels so familiar and comforting, that it turns into sex, and then you wake up the next morning with regret, but not really because it did make you feel better. At least for a little while, anyway.”
“Sounds like you have experience in that,” Nate says. Pushing his nearly empty plate away from him as he leans back in his chair. “That’s how it will happen? For sure?”
“That’s how it always happens. It’s science.”
“I need to send an email. Are you okay to drive home by yourself,” Nate asks after looking at his watch.
“Of course.” When I walk to pick up my roller skates Nate asks if I plan on using them. I tell him no, even though I most certainly do. I’ll need something to distract myself while I’m left friendless in this place. “I hope you have a good trip, Nate. I’m sorry about your cousin.” I pick up the laptop and cell phone he’s letting me borrow.
He smiles weakly in response and throws up one hand. I notice his biceps and look away. “I’ll miss you.”
I don’t even chance looking at his face before I leave out the side door. As I pull away, I see Nate in my rearview mirror standing in the threshold of his door. I also think I see a shadow rounding the cabin, heading back to the garden. I’m sure it’s just my mind playing tricks on me. It has to be. As his house vanishes from view, I concentrate on the world’s most important task. I have to save Felix, and if Nate is right, if I am too late, I have to save others like him. For the first time since I got here, I have a purpose. One that isn’t self-serving.
