Page 51 of The Love You Hate
“Where’s Grant?” I ask, terrified that if he doesn’tfeelpaid back that I’m going to have to go through all of this again. “I was okay,” I say, slurring. “I was okay. You shouldn’t have come in here.”
“You didn’t sound okay.Hewouldn’t let me not come in here to check on you.” Gray says, stooping down to pull me to stand. He pulls up my sleeves, and casually peers at my bleeding breast before covering it with the dress. “Probably should get some Neosporin on that. That guy is sleazy as fuck. How much blow did you do tonight?” He picks up the bottle and tilts it up to the light. “Did you drink all of this Pappy by yourself? You’re going to feel like shit tomorrow. What a waste.”
I groan. “Where did he go?”
“He took off when I came in,” Gray says, guiding me back into the bedroom and pushing me gently onto the bed. “You should sleep. Your mom wants to have breakfast before the luncheon party thing.”
“Kill me now,” I say, putting my hands over my eyes. “Don’t let Grant back in here tonight, Gray.”
“So, you weren’t okay then? The dude is sketchy. Do you want me to put another guard on his room?” Gray tips the bottle of Pappy back and drinks the rest. He smacks his lips, exclaiming how good it is. “I can have him killed. He did make you bleed. That is grounds for an ass beating. Whatcha’ thinking, kid?”
“No. No,” I plead. “It’s what he likes. The whole rough sex fantasy thing.” I’m out of breath from talking so fast. “It’s fucked up, I know. He’s always liked that. This time… this time… it was a little more aggressive?” I add.
“You know he’s out on bail right now, right?” Gray asks. “For assault and battery.”
“No!” I shout. “Why wouldn’t you tell me that before now? How would I know that? I live in a rat hole without internet. Aren’t you supposed to be keeping me safe instead of letting me hang out with criminals?”
“You’re super drunk and I can’t understand much, but like always, I have one question for you, did you die though?”
“You’re a peach, Gray. God, you’re awful. The worst.”
He winks at me. “Only the best for you, babe.”
Something he said finally registers. “Who wanted you to come in here and check on me?”
Gray smiles, pulling the sheets down. “Something else you didn’t know. Nate is back on duty. I mean, not full duty until you go back to Gold Hawke, but he’s back.”
“What?” My stomach lurches. “What do you mean? He’s been gone for months. You said he wasn’t coming back. Ever. That he got fired.” My pulse rages against my neck and my head spins wildly. This was never a possibility I let myself entertain.
“You might be too drunk to comprehend this, but they, uh, erased you from his brain.”
“Jesus Christ, I wouldn’t know what that meant sober. Explain.”
“I know you’ve done research on Charge Men now. Curiosity got the better of you,” Gray says. “To make us better protectors, they remove love and lust from our systems. Word on the street is Nate was a raging success. They made him forget all about what he felt about you and it seems they aren’t worried, because they’re putting him back on your case.” Gray’s gaze lights up. “Isn’t that awesome? Someone that cares more than I do!”
It’s the opposite of awesome. It’s gut wrenching. It’s scary. It makes me want to crawl out of my skin and redefine everything I thought I knew about the world. “That’s not possible. How is that possible?”
“Anything is possible. Especially since he’s been trapped in the headquarters lab for months on end.” Gray shakes his head, like he’s trying to rid himself of a bad memory. “I don’t want to know what he went through to get here today.”
My head swims. “Are you supposed to be telling me this?”
Gray hands me a bottle of water. I’m not sure when he left my side to get it. “Think they can erase him from me?”
I blink a few times to focus on his face. “You feel that strongly about him. Still? I assumed the distance would make that go away. He wasn’t with you that long.” He tilts his head. “I don’t understand.”
How could he if even what a fraction of what he’s just told me is accurate? They have their emotions erased. “I hate him,” I say, my stomach curdling. “I hate him so much.”
“See? It’s all so confusing.” Gray turns me on my side. “You’ll see him tomorrow at the luncheon. Or he’ll see you. I’m not sure what his plan is because he knows all eyes will be on him.”
“Sounds awful.” I moan. Gray shifts a trash can next to me and I vomit into it. In between heaves, I say, “Grant is going to be so pissed at me.” Gray kneels next to the bed, cleaning up where I missed the mark.
“He’s a douchebag. Why do you care?” Gray asks. “Also, this is the biggest waste of Pappy I’ve ever seen. You should be ashamed of yourself.”
“I know. Blackout was the only way I could stomach being with him.”
Gray sits at the end of the bed. “Why would you be with him to begin with?”
“I owed him,” I tell him. Honesty comes easy when I’m drunk. “He’s running Lexington Pharma underground. Has been since my dad got locked up. It’s all about who you know. I had Grant get Nate’s cousin the medication he needed to live. In exchange,” I say, leaving the sentence hanging.
