Page 35 of The Love You Hate
He clears his throat. “Putting them on a timer,” he says, peering over his shoulder as I follow him up the narrow staircase to his deck.
Just ask him, you scaredy-cat, I think. “Ryan said you took time off to go out of town.” There, blame Ryan.
Nate nods. “Yeah, family emergency of sorts. I’ll be back in a few days give or take. I leave in the morning.”
I follow, keeping my head down as we enter the house. “I hope everything is okay,” I say, prodding for more information.
He’s biting his lip when he turns to hand me the laptop. Not his usual laptop, it’s a different one. “My cousin is sick.” After he says it, he looks like he wishes he didn’t. “I need to say goodbye.” And, now I feel like a complete heel. It’s obvious he’s telling the truth. There isn’t another woman he’s going to see, or at least if there is, it’s not the main reason for his visit.
“I’m so sorry, Nate. That’s rough news.”
He nods and doesn’t look at me. “Will you promise not to work at Spankies until I get back?”
I nod, because at this point, I’d agree to anything because of how downtrodden he looks. “I don’t start until next week anyway, but why?”
He doesn’t hide the ferocious protective glint in his eyes. “I want to be there for you, and I think you want me to be there, too.”
He’s not wrong, but also there’s this mysterious air I can’t ignore. “Nate, are you going to be okay?”
That gets his attention. “I’m fine. This is just part of the ugly facts of life. Good men die all the time.” He sits down in a chair across the room from me. His head snaps up. “You’re going to be okay while I’m gone, right?”
I chuckle. “You act like you alone are responsible for my well-being, Nate. Don’t worry about me. Worry about your cousin... and saying goodbye. I’m a grown adult, fully capable of taking care of myself.”
“Your face says otherwise,” Nate drawls, gaze studying the wounds on my face. I’m letting them breathe after covering them all morning at the bakery. Todd didn’t say a thing about the bandages. It was so strange that I felt compelled to apologize for my face, and explain what happened. It was obvious Todd didn’t believe it was a roller skating accident, and that made me even more uneasy.
“It’s a scratch,” I say, trying to joke as I open the laptop and pull up a browser. I can feel his eyes burning a hole through my face as I sort through videos of pole dancers who make everything look effortless. “For the record, pole dancing is hard. Like Olympic sport kind of hard.”
“Yeah, I’m sure it is,” he says. I don’t look up because I can’t meet his eyes when the energy rolling off him is so ominous and alpha. It makes my stomach quiver. The videos are playing and I’m watching, but I’m not seeing them, nor am I learning a damn thing. I close the lid, and stare at it for several seconds.
Steeling my nerves, I meet his gaze. My breaths are coming rapid as I realize I have to ask him—I need to know. “If the circumstances were different, would you want me?”
He shakes his head and my stomach flips, but then he says. “I want you now. In these circumstances and I’m not supposed to, Presley.” Hopefully the abrasions covering my face cover the blush. “I want you more than I’ve wanted anything else. I want you every second of the day, when I’m with you and when I’m not, but you need to know that I will never act on it. It’s for your best interest.” My breathing races as I let his words sink in, but the way his steely gaze is boring through to my soul makes it seem like he’s lying. Like, despite what he’s saying, he wants me now and he’s going to act on it. Selfishly, I hope he does. “Wanting, deserving, and being what’s best for our lives are all totally separate entities. This time away will be good for me. For you. For us.”
When I go to respond, I croak instead. Clearing my throat, I start again. “Wow. Okay. I’m not sure how to respond.”
He shakes his head. “Please don’t respond. Don’t bring this up again. Just let this die as I’m going to as well. Attraction can and will die. I know it can.” By the look on his face, I know it can, I just don’t know why he wants it to.
“Why? Why would it be bad if we’re together? I like you. More thanlikewhile we’re being honest. We have chemistry even though sometimes it boils over, and other times it sizzles. We like the same things and care about each other.” I pull my shoulders back. “That much I’m certain of.”
He stands. “We have a friendship. That’s all we have.” Nate stands in front of me. “Do you understand, Presley?”
“How can I not when you’re the one giving the orders? So much for it being a joint decision. Maybe I don’t want friendship then. If you’re going to put parameters on what we can and cannot be or do and won’t give reasons, that’s not something I want to be part of.”
“You don’t understand. You can never understand, because there are things about me that will never make sense.”
“Help me make sense of them then,” I reply, but he’s already shaking his head.
He turns and runs his hands through his hair. “What else is on your list?”
“How does that have anything to do with our conversation?”
Closing his eyes, he faces away from me. “It gives me something to focus on.”
I’m so irritated, and unused to be being brushed off. “Make your own damn list and stop worrying about mine.”
He holds his arms out to the sides. “I don’t have a list. I can’t have a list!”he explodes, and it seems out of context. He’s more upset than he should be right now for reasons he’s not sharing.
He’s pacing away from me but spins to come back.
