Page 59 of The Wrong Track

“Have you eaten?” I asked her, and whisked into the kitchen where I’d been preparing a three-course meal. She followed silently and I kept talking. “On the nights that he works, I try make something that tastes good when it’s reheated. Things with lots of calcium,” I added when she still didn’t speak. It was making me so nervous.

“It smells good,” she said. I watched her eyes roam around the room and was glad that Tobin had just cleaned the stove.

I hustled getting her a plate and she offered to hold Ella as I did. I watched out of the corner of my eye to see if she was checking her over or anything, but Charlene mostly seemed interested in making faces and smiling at the baby.

And then, while we ate, she wanted to talk about yoga and other things that were totally unrelated to my lack of abilities as a mother and also unrelated to me getting the hell out of her son’s house. We discussed the birthday party we’d all be going to this weekend, how Tobin had thought that a screaming chicken toy and candy would be a great gift for his cousin’s son, and how we’d worked to pick something else that maybe wouldn’t create a rift between him and his family like that choice of present might have.

Charlene actually laughed when she heard that. “His cousin Alex was a hellion,” she told me. “He may deserve a screaming chicken for his kid. I was always trying to make sure that Tobin didn’t follow his examples. But my son was a good boy.” She told me about the things he’d done, his sports accomplishments, his many friends, his steady desire to join the police force and what he’d done to achieve that goal. She was obviously so proud of him.

“I wish I’d known Tobin,” I said. “Before, I mean, when he was growing up. It sounds like he and Hazel had so much fun.”

She nodded. “They did. They’re perfectly suited for each other.”

I nodded, too. I had seen that, how well they got along, how they made each other laugh. I watched when they were together, watched very closely.

“Hazel seems happy with this new guy, though.” Charlene took a sip of water and then looked at me.

“Yes,” I agreed.

“You don’t have any more to say about that?” She smiled a little.

“Hazel’s very happy with Hatch. They love each other very much. I think it’s great and Tobin does, too.”

“Does he? Because I had the feeling that he didn’t.” She looked at me, asking for more. “He won’t tell me.”

Then you should respect that, I wanted to say, but then I looked at Ella. What if I thought she had a secret that was hurting her? I would want to know, too, so I could help. “Maybe he wasn’t thrilled when they first got together, but I’m not sure because I didn’t know him then,” I said carefully. “I know that now, he’s very glad about it.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because…it’s obvious,” I told her. “When he’s upset about something, he does this.” I twisted my mouth in the little grimace he got when he was pissed off or worried. “He never does that when he talks about Hazel. And he invited them over next week, one day when he’s off. He wants to have the first real grilling party of the spring.”

“Lord. He’s terrible at the grill!”

Yes. “He tries hard. I’ll make a lot of side dishes.”

She asked questions about me and my childhood, too. I ended up talking about my grandmother Margaret and how she had taught me to sew, how I’d kept taking free classes at the library and the community center to learn more, and had gotten a job on weekends at an upholstery shop. I explained how hard my mom worked and also how she’d liked to go out and have fun, which meant I’d spent most of my childhood with my grandma. So much time that to me, she had felt more like a mother. It had ended up that I didn’t know my actual mom very well at all, not well enough to turn to her when I’d really needed help.

We talked more about Tobin and Hazel too but it didn’t seem like Charlene was probing me for information anymore. She only recounted funny stories about them when they were little.

“It was lucky that Hazel and Monica were next door, since Tobin was alone in the house,” she said. “I always wanted more kids, but it didn’t work out.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“It made me focus a little hard.” She grimaced, almost the same expression that her son made. “You know, Monica’s always telling me to give Tobin a break. I have been trying. I just want so many good things for him.”

I nodded, understanding that. Of course she did, since she loved him so much. “He doesn’t need a sibling. I think he’s very happy.”

“I’m glad.” She smiled at me. “Hazel mentioned that you’re a big sister and so am I. Tobin has an aunt Dana on my side who lives in Chicago,” she said. “I was kind of her second mother. Is that how it was with you?”

“Lily and I were like that, but we were also really good friends. She was my best friend.”

“That’s a special thing,” Charlene commented.

It had been. “My sister is great. They do a big awards ceremony at the end of junior year at the high school she goes to, mostly so that everyone can write what they won on their college applications, and she was nominated for a ton of things. Seven different awards,” I continued proudly. “For academics, athletics, community service, everything. She should win, too. I don’t think they’ll give her all seven because they’ll want to spread around the riches, but she deserves everything.”

Charlene nodded and checked to make sure that Ella was really done with her bottle before she put the baby on her shoulder, easily and like she’d had a lot of practice. “You sound like your sister’s biggest cheerleader,” she told me.

I had been. I still would have been, if she’d needed that from me now. “She’s great,” I said again.

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