Page 110 of Sapphire Tears

I grab June’s hand without thinking and we rush towards the medical wing. Sara is standing outside the door when we arrive. She’s wearing blue scrubs, but they’re stained with blood.

Far, far too much blood.

She looks between June and me. It’s the look of someone whose hope bled out on the table.

“I’m sorry, Kolya,” she whispers.

“She’s gone?” I’m aware of everything. June’s fingers tightening in my hand. My breath, hot and sharp in my throat. The buzzing of the light overhead.

“Her heart is still beating,” Sara clarifies. “But… she slipped into a coma during the surgery. Given the extent of the damage, it’s unlikely she’ll wake up.”

June trembles beside me. “T-there’s nothing else you can do?”

“I’m sorry. I did my best for her. There was just too much damage.”

“I want to see her,” I say firmly.

“If you wish,” Sara says, stepping to the side. “Um… June?” We stop at the threshold and June looks towards Sara. “Maybe it’s best if you go to your room, get some rest. It would be wise not to put additional stress on yourself.”

I glance at June. It’s her decision. I’m not about to order her to do anything.

June shakes her head. “I want to see her,” she says. Then she stops short and turns to me. “Unless you want some privacy?”

“No,” I tell her. “I want you with me.”

She nods and stands tall, buoyed by my faith in her. “I’ll be okay, Sara. If it makes you feel better, you can examine me later today. Okay?”

Sara nods reluctantly and steps aside. The two of us walk into the operating room. Milana is lying on a bed, marooned all alone in the middle of the space. My feet slow as I stare at her profile. She might as well be sleeping.

Her features are relaxed, her arms hanging comfortably at her sides, hair sweaty but combed back with love. Beneath the sheet pulled over her chest, her skin is pale and bare and cold.

June doesn’t take her eyes off Milana. “It doesn’t feel real,” she whispers. “I mean, she looks like she’s just napping. Like she could wake up at any moment and call us creepy for standing here and gawking at her.”

That almost makes me smile. And then I remember that there’ll be no waking up for Milana. Her body may be alive for now, but her mind—who knows where that is? Who knows where it will go?

What have I done?

I’m the one who pulled June into the room in the first place, but she’s the one who leads me to Milana’s bedside. I stop about a foot away, refusing to move any closer.

If I could just see one smirk, one roll of the eyes, one graceful motion of her hands, it would be okay.

But there’s no motion. No sign of life.

She’s just so godforsaken fuckingstill.

June releases my hand and approaches on her own. She stops just beside Milana’s bed and takes her hand gently. “Milana,” she says softly, “I just wanted to—to thank you. For everything. But mostly for protecting Kolya.” Her words are laced with sadness and sincerity. She glances at me from over her shoulder. “Do you want to say anything to her?”

“What’s the point?” I ask. “She can’t hear me.” I know I sound harsh and angry and bitter. But I can’t rein in the monster that’s trying to claw its way to the surface. “Believing I can talk to her now, that she’s in there somewhere listening—it’s a fairy tale. A way to make myself feel better. It does nothing for her.”

“So what?” June demands. “Maybe she won’t be able to hear you, fine. But what’s the harm in saying what you need to say? Maybe it will help you.”

“Because I don’t deserve to feel better. I don’t deserve to have my conscience cleared.”

“Do you really think Milana would want you to spend the rest of your life blaming yourself for the end of hers?”

“Neither one of us knows what Milana would want anymore,” I snarl.

I can feel myself retreating into the outline of the man I was always supposed to be. The outline my father drew for me.You’re just like Otets,Adrian accused me.I told her you were our father reincarnated, and she believed me.He was right.

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