Page 109 of Sapphire Tears

I settle there, melting into his embrace, feeling calmer than I’ve felt in what seems like forever. Of course, guilt courses through on the heels of that realization. Milana is fighting for her life just a few rooms away. I shouldn’t be cuddling against Kolya and pretending life is going to be alright.

My hand curls around Kolya’s neck and I lean into his broody silence. “She’ll be okay.”

It’s a stupid thing to say. I have no idea about the extent of her injuries, but he needs comfort. He’d never admit as much in a million years, but he does.

Kolya tilts his face up to mine. “I’m not so sure.” He starts tracing circles on my exposed thigh. “He got her in the chest.”

My hands tremble a little. “She’s strong.”

“No one is invincible.”

Again, I feel that desperate sense of relief. At least he’s here. He’s alive and well and breathing. Smelling of vanilla and gin.

“I know why he chose me,” I admit.

I’m trying to distract him, but I’m also trying to clear the traffic in my head. He raises his eyebrows. “Why?”

“I filled the hole you left in his life,” I explain. “You made excuses for him your entire life. You took care of him, protected him, told him it was all going to be okay. And then he left the Bratva and tried to do life on his own. Except it wasn’t what he expected. Then he met me, and I… made those same excuses for him. I took care of him, protected him, told him it was all going to be okay.” I rest the side of my forehead against the side of his. “He chose me because he loved you.”

I lean in and press my lips to his temple. I’m not trying to remind him of anything. I just want him to know that he’s not alone in this.

He doesn’t ever have to be alone again.

But to my surprise, Kolya pulls away and fixes me with a distant, incomprehensible look. “So why did you choose him?”

I frown, but in truth, I already know the answer. “Because we accept the love we think we deserve.”

He nods like a proud teacher. “And what do you think you deserve now?”

I look into his haunting blue eyes as his hand settles on my stomach, right on top of the life growing inside of me. “You,” I tell him. “I deserve you.”

We sit with that for a few moments. It feels good. A moment of hope in the midst of a storm.

Then his mood takes a turn for the wary once again. “Adrian’s not going to let you go easily,” he warns. “He will do whatever it takes to get what he wants. That includes destroying me.”

I exhale. “He will try, yeah. But he won’t win.”

Kolya’s eyes narrow. “What are you trying to say?”

“You told me that you didn’t want to hurt Adrian because of what it would do to me to see that. So I guess what I’m trying to say is, the next time you have a clear shot at Adrian… take it. I’ll just have to look away.”

46

KOLYA

I keep my head pressed against her chest and follow her heartbeat like the notes of a song. Each chord gives me a little more strength, a little more purpose.

She’s here. She’s alive. She’s safe.

And she believes me. More than that—shechoseme.

Then I hear urgent footsteps approaching my office. June scrambles to her feet just before Knox walks through the door.

“Don Uvarov, the surgery’s over,” he says.

“And?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t know how it went. I came straight to get you.”

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