Page 16 of Tarnished Queen

“Don’t you dare fucking lie to me.”

The hospital gown is gaped open in the back and rucked up along my thighs. The last quakes of my orgasm are still moving through me, and now, Nikolai is staring at me like he can see straight into my brain.

But then, if he could see into my mind, he’d know the entire truth. Based on the black fury on his face now, I can tell he doesn’t.

“She was going to help me get out of the country,” I explain to him. “That’s why I listened to her. She told me she could get me and Elise out.”

“Away from me.”

“No,” I breathe. “Well, yes. At the time, it’s what I wanted, but—”

“You lied to me, Belle.” He breathes heavily. “You were in my house, working with my enemy to escape and hurt me in the process.”

“Because you kidnapped me!”

His gray eyes flare. “Because you were falling apart without me.”

He isn’t wrong. It’s only been a few days, but the sad, hollow version of me that floated between home and Tony’s bar like a ghost doesn’t even feel real.

“But you can’t see how I made the decision I did?” I ask. “You flew me across the country while I was unconscious. When we first met, you kidnapped Elise to control me. I knew the only way I’d ever get away from you was with help, so when Xena offered to get me out, I accepted. I didn’t see another way out.”

He barks out a humorless laugh. “I guess I missed how badly you wanted to get away from me during all the fucking we did. If your orgasms were faked, then you’re in the wrong line of work. You should be an actress, not an accountant.”

I shake my head. “Don’t act like everything between us was fake.”

“It was.”

“You lied, too!” I blurt.

“I made you choose,” he snarls. “I forced your hand. But I never, not once, betrayed you. I was honest about how I felt. About what I wanted.”

Me. He wanted me.

“I didn’t lie, either,” I protest, my voice wobbly and weak. The exhaustion of the day is catching up with me and all I want to do is close my eyes. “When we had sex… that’s when I was most honest with you. And with myself. It felt good to be with you, but I don’t live just for myself. You understand that, too.”

“Don’t tell me what I understand.”

“Your loyalty is to the Bratva,” I continue, “and mine is to Elise. I had to do what was best for her.”

His jaw clenches and shifts. Nikolai understands loyalty. He lives by it. He’ll have to understand this.

“My loyalty is to the Bratva, you’re right,” he says. “And today, my men died because of your lies. Because I was searching for you even though you left willingly.”

The words steal the breath from me as if his hand was wrapped around my throat again. “Nikolai, I’m—wait, what?”

His eyes meet mine unflinchingly. “Arslan is dead.”

“No.” My heart cracks open. I didn’t know Arslan well, but I know Nikolai, and Arslan was his best friend. The most important person in the world to him. “I’m so sorry. Nikolai, I didn’t mean for—”

“I watched him bleed out. Then I left him slumped on the side of the road, so I could look foryou.” He spits the words like venom.

His fingers shake against my legs for a second before he picks me up and shoves me off of his lap. I flop into the seat next to him.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper hollowly.

Nikolai stares straight ahead into a space in the middle distance that only he can see. I can’t find the words to convey to him how fucked-up all of this or how much responsibility I take for all of it. I don’t think there are any words for it.

I was stupid, and I made the wrong choice. Now, his friend is dead.

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