Page 131 of Tarnished Queen

Even if he can’t say it, he feels it. I know he does.

“Well, I know exactly what I want,” I say, charging ahead. “I wantyou, Nikolai. I want the whole happy picture with you. I—I love you.”

I hold the words out to him like my own little gift. Waiting for him to take them, to do something with them. Waiting for him to do anything to let me know he feels the same way.

There’s one moment where I believe he might say it back. When all my hope hangs in the balance.

Instead, Nikolai’s top lip curls. “Then you’re with the wrong man.”

The next few seconds pass in slow motion.

I feel the smile slip from my face bit by bit as his words sink in. I shake my head. “No—what does that mean?”

“I’m never going to have a picture-perfect family, Belle. I’ll never give you that.”

I shake my head, trying to push away what he’s saying. “You can, Nikolai. You’re not your dad. Remember what you said? You’ll be there for me and your kids.”

“I’ll never abandon my child,” he corrects, his voice cold and flat. “And I’ll take care of you. But—”

“But.” I draw away from him, sliding off the edge of the bed and landing on shaky legs on the floor. “But… you don’t want this?”

His full lips press together into a flat, silent line.

And the world around me starts to crumble.

“I thought you… I thought we wanted the same things.” Tears burn the backs of my eyes, but I blink them away. “You didn’t want me to go to Iceland. You wanted me to stay here with you. And the building… My dad’s name is on the building. The wedding gift.”

My words are becoming more and more disjointed. As my world falls apart, so does my ability to form full sentences.

Nikolai shrugs. “I don’t want you to be miserable. So I let you stay. But that doesn’t mean…”

His voice trails off, and oh God, how bad can it be that even Nikolai doesn’t want to say the words aloud? The man has killed people with his bare hands. If he can’t tell me what he’s thinking, then what he’s thinking must be devastating. He’s trying to spare me, but there’s no saving this.

I’m already lost.

“Oh my God.” I press both hands to my chest to keep my heart from lurching out of my ribcage. “You’re… you don’t love me. Okay. Alright.”

My head is bouncing like a bobblehead, but none of this is okay. I’ll never be alright.

“How did I convince myself you loved me?” I ask with a wheezing kind of chuckle. “I am so, so stupid. I can’t believe I… I’m sorry.”

Nikolai is sitting on the bed and watching me. That makes it even worse.

He’s not trying to talk me down or correct my assumption. He’s sitting quietly while the reality sinks in.

He doesn’t love me.

He never did.

I turned this into something it wasn’t.

Embarrassment swiftly turns to rage. I set my jaw, clenching my teeth purely so I won’t sob. “Well? Are you going to say something?”

“I… I never wanted to hurt you, Belle.”

At that, I bark out a laugh. “Well, thanks, I guess. That doesn’t help at all. But at least you didn’tmeanto rip out my heart and stomp on it. You just did it.”

He drops his face and sighs. “You’re a good person, Belle.”

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