Page 107 of Tarnished Queen

“Another but?” he teases.

“Yeah. Butyou,”I finish.

Nikolai arches an eyebrow. “Is this the part where you finally admit you hate me?”

My chin wobbles as I think about exactly how much Idon’thate Nikolai. That’s the entire problem, actually. If I hated him, this would be the best day of my life. Also, the easiest. Instead, it’s neither.

“I hate leaving you,” I clarify.

There’s a beat of silence. Then, suddenly, Nikolai comes around to the front of me and lays his hands on my arms. “You’ll be safer if you leave, Belle. So will the baby. It’s for the best.”

We’ve talked about this too many times to count over the last few days, and I know this last conversation isn’t going to do anything to make this easier. There just isn’t anything left to be said. So instead of responding, I stretch onto my tiptoes and wrap my arms around Nikolai’s neck.

I squeeze the heck out of him until Howard clears his throat, drawing my attention. “We should probably get through security, girls.”

My instinct is to wrap my arms and legs around Nikolai’s body and cling to him like a scared cat. But Elise is standing over Howard’s shoulder, watching me. I have to be brave for her. I also have to be brave for myself.

Reluctantly, I pull away from him and grab my suitcase. When I look up, his gray eyes are watching me intensely. He’s assessing me, looking for any signs of weakness. I’m sure he’s finding plenty, but I lift my chin and take a deep breath.

“As soon as possible?” I ask.

“As soon as possible,” he repeats. “The second it’s safe for you to come back, I’ll bring you home myself.”

Home.I shiver at how good that sounds. I kiss him one final time and then spin away and move into the flow of people moving towards security.

It’s easier this way, just ripping off the bandage. No drawn-out goodbye, no weeping. I need to look confident in this decision. I need to be certain. Plus, if I have to watch Nikolai turn and head for the exit, I’m not sure I’ll be able to force myself to keep moving.

Elise steps up alongside me as we wait in line. “Are you okay, B?”

“Yeah. I’m fine.”

She’s quiet. When I look over, her eyebrow is arched.

“What?” I demand. “I’m fine.”

“You’re a liar is what you are. Pinocchio nose, pants on fire, the whole nine yards.”

I groan. “I’m sad, but I’m fine.”

“You’re sad and you’re miserable,” she agrees. “That is not fine.”

We kick off our shoes and place them on the conveyor belt. Howard is a bit further behind us, untying the laces of his thick-soled dad sneakers.

“I’m not miserable,” I say as cheerfully as I can muster, which is “not very.” “How could I be miserable when I’m going to go on a vacation with you?”

“It’s okay if you’re not excited, Belle. I know you’re not, like, totally thrilled about Howard coming along.”

I drop my phone, wallet, and keys in a plastic bin and slide it towards the scanner. “It was my idea. Or, well, partly my idea, anyway. Nikolai suggested Howard come with us and I thought it was smart. This will be a good time for you two to reconnect.”

“And you?” she asks. “What about you?”

“This isn’t about me, okay?” I sigh.

I walk through the body scanner as a male TSA agent stands off to the side. He doesn’t attempt to stop me or tackle me for setting off any alarms, so I assume I’m good to go. I’m pulling on my shoes at the end of the line when Elise comes up behind me.

“So it’s all about me?” she asks with a bit of an edge in her voice. “The only reason you’re here is because of me?”

The answer is yes, obviously. But I get the feeling that response won’t make Elise feel any better. So I end up staring at her for a few seconds, unsure what to say.

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