Page 68 of Tarnished Queen

BELLE

“I’m glad you’re back,” Elise says as I come in. She’s sitting cross-legged in the middle of her bed with a laptop open in front of her. “I want to run this idea by you so that you can run it by Nikolai.”

She seems excited. I hate that I’m about to take it all away.

But surely that horrible moment can wait at least one minute longer.

“What idea is that?” I say after a painful swallow.

She turns the laptop to me so I can see the article she’s pulled up.10 New York City Sights That Separate Locals From Tourists!

“If we’re going to live here, I need to explore the city. I mean, it’s New York! City of Dreams, Alicia Keys style.” Elise spreads her palms through the air like her words are written on a Times Square billboard. “We’ve been here for weeks and all I’ve seen is the airport, a women’s shelter, and… two murders.”

I grimace. “Are you okay, E? I haven’t asked you that question enough.”

She gives me a sad smile. “Yeah, I’m okay. And even if I’m not, Nikolai has the money to send me to some top-notch therapy. I’ll sort through it all. Especially when I have one of the coolest cities in the world to distract me.”

My sister sounds upbeat—more than she ever did when we were living in Oklahoma—but I can’t shake the feeling that she’s doing this on my behalf. Now that she’s glimpsed what an utter hot mess I am, I get the sense she’s trying to pick up the slack. Paste on a happy face.

The way I always tried to do for my mom.

Even when she didn’t deserve it.

I sit on the edge of the bed and touch her knee. “You know, if you’re not okay you can tell me, right? Whatever you’re thinking or feeling, I can handle it.”

“That goes both ways. I’m here if you need me.”

“No, Elise. I mean… thank you. That’s sweet. But I’m the one who is supposed to take care of you, not the other way around.”

She dips her chin. “You’re not my mom, Belle.”

I can’t count the number of times she’s said that to me since she came to live with me. But this time, the words are tender. She isn’t yelling them at me to get me to shut up and leave her alone. She’s trying to take some of my burden.

It breaks my heart.

“No, I’m not,” I admit. “But I’m the closest thing you’ve got right now.”

“You’re all I’ve got. The only family I need.” She pokes my stomach. “Until little baby comes along. Then I’ll be a super fun aunt.”

She unknowingly segued perfectly into what I’m here to talk to her about, but I hesitate. Am I ready for this? Is she?

I want to say no, I’m not ready and I will never be ready. But as bad as this conversation is going to be, it will be so much worse if Elise hears this news from anyone but me.

I repeat this to myself again and again and take a deep breath. “Actually, that’s what I came here to talk to you about.”

Elise’s expression shifts to horror. “Oh my God. Belle. Is the baby all right? Are you okay? Did something happen?”

“Oh my—no!” I shake my head. “No, nothing like that. We’re both fine.”

She exhales sharply and grabs my wrist. “Holy shit. Don’t scare me like that. I thought something bad happened.”

“Well, it’s not anything bad, per se. It’s just… news. New news.” I wrinkle my nose. I should have practiced this speech more. It’s coming out all garbled. “I have some news about our family. Your family.”

She stares at me, her forehead creased in confusion. I don’t blame her. I’m not making any sense.

“I’m sorry,” I exhale. “It’s hard to talk about this.”

“Talk about what?” she says. “You’re killing me.”

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