Page 132 of Tarnished Queen

“But not good enough, apparently.” I move towards the door. “Why did you let me stay here? If this is how you felt, why did you—I could be with my sister right now. I chose to be here, and you knew why.”

“I didn’t know you were going to do this,” he snaps.

“Maybe not. But you know everything. You knew why I decided to stay. And you let me.”

I lean back against the door and remember the last time I was pressed against it. When Nikolai was holding me, his hands and mouth on my body.

The memory feels tainted now.

“I knew you could be vicious, but I never thought you’d be cruel.” A sob nearly bursts out of me, but I swallow it down. “Especially not to me.”

He’s sitting up in bed now, staring at me. I feel like some kind of freak show on display. My skin is hot enough that I’m surprised I’m not steaming, and I know every emotion must be written plainly on my face.

The love. The pain. The heartbreak.

I can’t be here anymore. I can’t look at him. And I sure as hell can’t have him looking at me.

I spin around and yank the door open. Maybe Nikolai says something, maybe he doesn’t, but either way, I don’t hear it. By the time I step into the hallway, the tears I managed to hold back have sprung free. I’m sobbing and running away from him.

It doesn’t matter what he says now anyway. There’s nothing he can say to fix this.

The only thing I want to hear is an impossibility.

I love you, Belle. Of course I love you.

But he doesn’t. He never did.

I’m just the naive fool who believed he could.

I run to the opposite end of the house before I realize there’s nowhere to go where he won’t find me. I can’t leave in the middle of the night, and I can’t just sit in the kitchen or the sitting room while I’m like this.

I need somewhere private. Somewhere quiet.

That’s when it hits me: the place I’ve always gone to hide. The safe space I created as a little kid when I was alone in the world, unloved and terrified. Just like now.

I double back to the discreet doorway across the hallway I’ve never opened before. During the initial tour of the house, Nikolai said it was storage. It’s exactly what I need now. I need to hunker down in a dark closet, take a few deep breaths, and figure out how to carry on from here.

“Belle!” Nikolai’s voice echoes through the dark house. “Belle, wait!”

Panic creeps up my spine. I can’t see him now. Not yet. I need a few minutes.

I yank open the door and step into the darkness…

But I meet no resistance where the floor should be. No ground under my foot. No rail or wall to catch myself on. I can only throw my arms forward as I tumble headfirst into the pitch black, a scream on my lips.

37

BELLE

It’s dark. It’s so unbelievably, blindingly dark.

“Belle. Belle, are you okay?”

The words are coming from all around me. Somewhere far away and inside my own head at the same time.

“Are you okay?” Nikolai’s voice asks again.

I blink hard and open my eyes. When I do, there’s only more darkness. But I feel Nikolai around me. The real Nikolai. He is damp with sweat. The room around us smells like musk and earth.

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