Page 79 of Nailed (Dad Bod Contracting 3)
“Why didn’t you call me?” I say, still choking back tears.
“Well, I don’t know your number either. Who even memorizes phone numbers anymore? And plus, I didn’t want you to worry. It’s not like I was out on the street or something, Mom. I was with my friend and his parents.”
I can’t help a laugh. “You are far too precocious for your own good, Nathaniel Paul Madison.” I wrap him in a hug. “Anything else you haven’t told me because you didn’t want me to worry?”
He shrugs again. “Um…” He gives me a sheepish look. “That kinda stuff happens a lot. Pretty much every time I go over there, he forgets I’m there, or that he is supposed to be taking care of me.”
I grab his shoulders and squeeze. “Every single time I picked you up, I would ask how it went, and you said fine. I would ask if your dad took good care of you, and you always said yes.” I can’t stop the tears. “You should’ve told me, Nate. How can I protect you if I don’t know there’s a problem?”
He lunges into me, wrapping me up in a tight hug. “I’m sorry, Mom. I just—I didn’t want you to worry.”
“Were you trying to protect him?” I ask, pulling back.
He shrugs. “Not really. I never have much fun anyway. He lets me watch TV pretty much the whole time, but I get bored of that after a few hours, except there’s nothing else to do. I have toys there, but they’re all dumb baby toys because Dad has no clue what I like to do.”
“Why wouldn’t you want me to worry about you, Nate?”
Yet again, the roll of a shoulder. “You work a lot, and until you met Ryder you were always lonely, and I thought if I told you Dad was so irresponsible, you wouldn’t let me go over there. And if I didn’t ever go over to Dad’s, you’d always have me all the time, and I guess I thought that me going to Dad’s for visitation meant you’d have some time to yourself when you don’t have to deal with me. I know I’m kind of a handful.”
I break into sobs—shoulders shaking, incoherent, ugly crying. Ryder is standing beside me, his hand on my shoulder—he knows he can’t take this from me, that he can’t make it better, that all he can do is be there for me, so that’s what he does. It takes a few minutes, but I manage to get myself under control again, and I wipe at my eyes.
“Nate, you listen to me, okay? I’m going to tell you the truth—the adult version.” I brush his hair out of his eyes. “I never wanted to let you go over there—but I had to, because he’s your father and he has rights, legal rights to see you, ordered by the court. But he also has rights simply because he’s your father—you deserve the chance to know him, to spend time with him, and I thought…well, I guess I thought he was actually using that time to hang out with you. Yes, Nate, I was lonely sometimes, and yes, I work a lot to take care of us, but letting you go over to your Dad’s was the worst and hardest part of every month. I was always sad when I dropped you off, and excited when I got to go pick you up, and worried the entire time you were with him.” I hold his shoulders. “You’re my son, so yeah, I love you because I’m your mom. But I also just like being with you. You’re fun, and you’re funny, and I love watching our shows together and making dinner together. I have never, ever, not even one single time, ever felt like having you around was something I had to deal with.”
“So…I don’t have to go over there anymore?” he asks.
“Well, it’s not that simple. I can’t just not let go you. I have to talk to the court, and you’ll probably have to tell some people all the stuff you told me, and I may have to have the McKennas write a letter explaining that he forgot to pick you up. What will end up happening, most likely, is that you’ll have what’s called supervised visitation. I’ll bring you to the library or something like that, and you’ll spend an hour or two with your father there, with someone assigned by the court to supervise the visitation, and then when the time is up, you’ll come back home with me.”
He eyes me, and then Ryder. “Are we gonna go live with Ryder?”
I smile and look at Ryder. “Um…maybe someday? I don’t know. He’ll probably be here sometimes, and yeah, we’ll go over there sometimes, but will we live there? I honestly don’t know. I just know Ryder is going to be around a lot more.” I smile at Nate. “Is that okay with you?”
