Page 67 of Nailed (Dad Bod Contracting 3)
“Ohhhh boy.”
Ten minutes later, I’m running out of places for the guy to put vases. The poor guy has made four more trips, with three boxes per load times four vases per box, each vase containing a dozen roses each, equals…I’m bad at math. A lot, that’s what.
Like, two hundred and forty roses?
When the guy is finished dragging the last three empty boxes out to his truck and comes back in, sweating, sans dolly, I’m laughing hysterically.
“Is that finally it?” I ask, still laughing.
The guy gapes at me. “Yes, ma’am. That’s it.”
I grab my purse and fish my wallet out of it. “Is this the most flowers you’ve ever delivered to one person?”
“No tip, please, ma’am. The guy who placed the order paid enough to cover it.” He wipes at his forehead. “I did deliver over a thousand roses to a lady, once.”
I snort. “A thousand? What was the story, do you know?”
He laughs. “I think the guy cheated on his wife, got caught, and was trying to make up for it.”
“Did it work?”
He shrugs. “I dunno. The lady was annoyed, though, because it turns out she’d been telling him for years that she hated roses, and he spent over four grand on them.”
“Wow. So that was kind of a fail, huh?”
He nods, shrugs. “I guess it seems to me like if you’re gonna cheat and get caught, you’d better know what kind of flowers your wife likes.” He indicates my houseful of roses. “Your husband mess up or what?”
I blush. “He’s not my husband, he’s my boyfriend. And no, he didn’t.”
He grins again. “And do you like roses?”
My smile widens. “I love them.”
He removes and replaces his hat once more. “Well, I hope you enjoy them. The vases all have plant food in them, so the roses should last a long time if you keep them filled with fresh water.” He waves at me. “Have a nice day, ma’am.”
“It’d be impossible not to,” I say.
Nate looks up from his homework. “What are you gonna do with all these roses?”
I sigh, looking around at the twenty dozen roses clustered on every available square inch of my home. “I have no idea, bud.”
He sniffs. “It’s kinda smelly. Like, a good smell, but just…strong. Tickles my nose.”
I laugh, ruffling his hair. “No kidding. It is pretty pungent.”
He stares at me, chewing on the eraser of his pencil. “Ryder must really like you.”
I bite the corner of my lower lip. “Yeah, I think he does.”
“Do you like him back?”
I nod. “I do.”
“Just because he got you a bunch of flowers?”
I shake my head. “No. I already liked him. This just makes me like him a little more.”
Nate nods and clears the dinner table before starting on his homework. I stand in my foyer and try to get all the flowers in one picture, but there are too many; I end up having to take a panoramic to get them all in, and then I post the picture in our girls’ text thread, which Audra has named “BJ, HJ, Doggy Style, and Cunnilingus.”
Me: so Ryder decided to get me some flowers…
A message pops up: Nova has named the conversation “QUIT BEING GROSS, AUDRA”
Imogen: Wow. I mean…WOW. He doesn’t mess around, does he?
Audra: that there is a shitload of roses. I think he may like you, Laurel. Just a hunch.
Audra has named the conversation “NOVA IS A FUN-SUCKER. SEX IS FOR WINNERS!”
Nova: I am not a fun-sucker, and I always win at sex…when I choose to do the sex. I am just currently choosing to not do the sex.
Nova: IF ANYONE SAYS ANYTHING ABOUT ME AND JAMES I WILL LEAVE THIS THREAD AND BLOCK ALL OF YOU.
Nova: Also, Laurel: I think Audra is right…for once. Ryder just MAY like you a little bit.
Audra: SUCK HIS COCK
Me: Is that ALL you ever think about?
Audra: Pretty much, yeah. I’m kind of like a dude, in that I think about sex every thirty seconds.
Imogen: You should get that looked at.
Audra: I did get it looked at by a PhD, once. Turns out he wasn’t a medical doctor, though. Who knew? All he could tell me was that I tasted good.
Nova: Imogen, how have you put up with her for so long?
Imogen: Because she says what I’m thinking but too chickenshit to say, and it makes me laugh.
Me: I’m gonna go call Ryder now.
Audra: SEND NUDES
Me: If I were to roll my eyes any harder, they’d roll back into my skull and I’d go blind.
I check in on Nate, who is still doing homework…along with a lot of doodling ninjas in the margins. He doesn’t need my help, and I promised him that he could watch TV once he was done.
I go into my bedroom and lock the door, and then into my bathroom, which I also lock. I’ve moved vases all over the house at this point, so there are two vases of roses on my bathroom counter. I clench a flower in my teeth and take a fully clothed selfie, and send it to Ryder—only after double, triple, and quadruple checking to be sure it’s going to go to him.
