Page 62 of Nailed (Dad Bod Contracting 3)
Imogen takes one of my hands, Audra takes the other, and Nova, in a rare burst of humor, puts both of hers on top of all of ours.
“Go team?” Nova says.
I laugh. “So…this is an intervention?”
Aura nods. “Yup. A what-if intervention.”
“Very little in life is as destructive and harmful as letting what-ifs rule your decision making.” Imogen squeezes my hand. “I’m proof of that. Audra is proof of that. And the relationships we have with Jesse and Franco are further proof that if you can silence the what-ifs and really, truly, clearly see him for what he is, you’ll know what’s right.” She smiles at me. “I’m not saying Ryder is right for you—only you can determine that. I’m just saying that you can’t make that decision from a place of what-if.”
I look at Audra, who just points at Imogen. “What she said,” Audra says. “I lived my life from a place of what-if for twenty years, and it was only when I forced myself to shut that voice up and see what was in front of me that I found the first real, meaningful relationship I’ve ever had in my life—and the last relationship I’ll ever have, too. I’m in it for life with Franco—I don’t need a ring or a wedding to know that—and I had to get over constantly asking myself what if to get to this place.”
I look at Nova, but she just holds her hands up and shrugs. “Don’t look at me,” she says. “I’m damaged goods with a baggage train a mile long. I’ve got zero advice for you—except maybe that I’ve got a solid bullshit detector, and an even better asshole detector…and both of those tell me Ryder is the real deal. A good guy, and an honest one. For what it’s worth, I don’t think he’s leading you on or playing games. Take that with a grain of salt, though, because I don’t really know him or any of the guys all that well—I’m only here because you three crazy bitches seem to have adopted me and, for whatever reason, I like you and can’t stay away.”
“It’s me,” Audra says, cozying up to her. “You’re attracted to me and want to have hot lesbian sex with me.”
Nova shies away, pushing Audra off with stiffened fingers, as if touching something gross. “You are not okay.”
“So…that’s not it?” Audra says, sounding sad.
“Nope. Not even close.” Nova seems to be missing the fact that Audra is obviously just winding her up, or is very straight-faced in playing along. “And please don’t do that ever again.”
“Damn.” Audra snaps her fingers. “I was hoping that was it. You were my chance to try girl-on-girl.” She smirks. “I was gonna tape it and show it to Franco.”
Nova rolls her head back on her neck. “There’s something wrong with you, Audra. You need a psychiatrist, or Jesus, or a nunnery, or something.”
Audra breaks into laughter, slugging Nova on the shoulder. “You’re so much fun to fuck with—you’re so literal.”
Nova remains unmoved. “I’m not convinced you weren’t partially serious.”
“Why? You wanna make out?” Audra leans closer to Nova. “Compare tits?”
“There’s no comparison, babe,” Nova says, deadpan. “Mine are better.”
Audra snickers. “It’s hard to tell if you’re serious or not. Most of the time you have zero sense of humor, and then every once in a while you say something like that, and I’m not sure if you’re kidding.”
Nova frowns. “I have a sense of humor.” She arches an eyebrow at Audra. “I just don’t find being wildly inappropriate literally all the time as funny as you do.”
“That’s because you’re a stick-in-the-mud,” Audra says. “You need to get laid. Get a good hard dicking and you’ll loosen right up.”
“Good…hard…dicking,” Nova repeats. “Wow. You know, I can refer you to a good pastor and a good psychiatrist.”
My phone rings then, and I glance at it—Ryder. “Hello?” I say, answering it, trying to stay calm.
Why is he calling? What’s wrong? Is Nate hurt?
“Hey, babe,” Ryder says. “We’ve played laser tag until we’re exhausted, but now we’re hungry. I was thinking I’d pick up a pizza or two and bring it by your place. Sound good?”
I can’t help a smile. “That sounds awesome. Did you guys have fun?”
“I don’t know. Nate, did we have any fun?”
“YES!” Nate shouts, so loud I have to pull the phone away from my ear. “I BEAT RYDER BOTH GAMES! I have twenty bucks and you can’t keep it this time. Ryder’s gonna make me a badass piggy bank to put it in.”
“You watch your language, young man!” I scold.
“That’s my fault, I said it first,” Ryder says. “Sorry. I gotta get a handle on my language, apparently.”
“Yeah, you do. If he gets in trouble at school for cursing, I’m blaming you.”
“Fair enough.” He says something away from the phone to Nate, and then returns to me. “So, I’m gonna call in the pizza. We’ll see you at home in about half an hour or so?”
