Page 2 of Nailed (Dad Bod Contracting 3)
“I didn’t mean it that way,” she snaps. “I meant committed to one man.”
Imogen is still laughing, leaning against Audra, who is stiff with embarrassed anger. “I know, I know—I’m using your term. I’m not making fun of you, honey.”
“Feels like it,” Audra huffs, and slams the rest of her margarita and then looks around for the waitress to order us another pitcher.
Imogen sighs. “That’s just because things with you and Franco are still new, and you’re a little defensive about your relationship. I get it.”
“I’m not defensive,” Audra protests. “I’m just…” she sighs, throws up her hands. “Fine! I’m defensive about it. But it’s weird! I’ve spent the last twenty fucking years avoiding relationships like the bubonic plague, and now suddenly I’m in one, and it’s serious, and I’m living with him and we’re saying I love you and it’s fucking weird, okay?”
“That’s a lot of fucking,” I mutter, repressing laughter.
Audra arches an eyebrow at me, smirking. “You have no idea how much fucking Franco and I do.” She wiggles her eyebrows, and all of us laugh at the silly gesture. “We’re like teenagers, I swear. He woke me up at two in the morning with a hard-on the size of goddamn Texas shoved between my ass cheeks.”
Imogen just stares dreamily at the ceiling, sighing dramatically. “I just love that, don’t you?”
Audra rolls her eyes. “Not when I have to be up at five to get ready for work and he kept me up until midnight trying to fuck through half the positions in the Kama Sutra.”
I nearly spit out my drink, and it ends up spraying out of my nose instead. “Ouch! That burns…shit!” I dab at my nose and hold the napkin over my mouth as I cough around the aspirated alcohol. “God, you two are terrible!”
Nova and I, both single, exchange glances of equal parts amusement and annoyance.
Nova shakes her head. “You really are a nasty woman, Audra.”
“I have one of those Nasty Woman T-shirts, actually,” Audra says, “so I take that as a compliment.”
Nova just laughs. “Good, because I meant it that way.” She scoops salsa, chomping the chip noisily. “I’m just cranky because I’m currently not being woken up with a giant cock between my ass cheeks, so I’m low-key jealous and being bitchy about it.”
Audra focuses intently on stirring the guac with a chip. “I can think of a cock that might want to get buried between your ass cheeks. And—I’m just guessing here—but I imagine it’s probably pretty giant. I mean, the rest of him sure as fuck is.”
Nova colors. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Audra frowns. “Oh come on! I know I saw you and James macking on each other at the barbecue.”
Nova shakes her head again. “Who says ‘macking” anymore?” She waves a chip. “And that’s a nonstarter. Not talking about it.”
“Well then you can’t complain about not having a dick in your ass, because I saw how James looked at you,” Audra says. “And if nothing else, he definitely wants to put his dick in you.”
Nova scratches at the table, her pale skin almost as red as her hair. “I don’t want a dick in my ass, thank you very much. Just sort of…wedged between the cheeks.” She won’t look at any of us. “And I’m serious, I’m not talking about…that. Or him. Or anyone else as it pertains to me, or my love life. Which is nonexistent, and that’s all you nosy bitches need to know.”
Audra holds up her hands. “Fine, fine. I’ll let it go. But only because we’re new friends and I’m not ready to piss you off with my tendency to be a pit bull about getting the juicy details.”
Imogen cackles. “Enjoy it while it lasts, Nova. Once she decides she wants to know something, you’re better off just telling her, because she will get it out of you.”
Nova narrows her eyes. “Not out of me, she won’t.”
Turning to Audra, Nova says, “You’ve met your match when it comes to stubbornness.”
Audra narrows her eyes as well, and this escalates until they’re both basically just squinting. “Nobody, and I mean nobody, can out-stubborn me.” She stabs a finger at Nova. “Try me, bitch.”
Nova, somehow, manages to keep a straight face. “You’re on…bitch.”
I just watch all this. “You’re both being so…aggressive…about this. Can’t we all just get along?”
Imogen snorts, eyeing me. “Ever the peacemaker, huh, Laurel?”
I shrug and nod. “Typically, yes.”
“So, does Ryder having a thing for crazy chicks count as a reason to not like him?” Imogen asks, turning the conversation back to me.
I sigh. “Maybe? I mean, I’d like to say that him having a thing for crazy chicks just because they’re good in bed is a solid reason, but he’s a single guy, so that’s sort of par for the course. It’s just a bit…sleazy, maybe.”
